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If she is afraid he will leave her if she has kids on her own, and will not have any, it's safe to say she wants to stay with him.
"Kids on her own"? Man, that's the most revealing thing she could possibly say.
If he's having to change diapers at 2 a.m., pay for daycare, watch the child while she goes out, then that's not having "kids on her own."
Kids are not potted plants that need occasional tending. They are a 24/7 commitment of love, attention, and money. Sounds as if your friend has no understanding of what raising kids entails. It also sounds as if her husband has a far better understanding of what raising kids entails, and has said, "No Thanks," by a visit to his urologist.
Sometimes you cant always change a person. I knew my first husband was a player when we got married, but was just young, naive, in love at any cost, and just wanted to be married. I thought marriage would change him. Wrong!
Ive changed my life for guys a few times before too, just to make them happy.....bad idea. Because when you do that, you are unhappy because youre too busy making sure they are happy. Then it doesnt work out.
So.....bottom line is, there might be a few things you can change in a person, but dont expect them to change some things too, just for you, and think they will be happy-go-lucky-la-la because it doesnt always work that way.
Me thinks we fear lonliness too much. When people are desperate for companionship, they compromise their core being. Thus, divorce and breakups and misery.
Very well said, I just mentioned something similar to that in my previous post. Kudos to you!
Me thinks we fear lonliness too much. When people are desperate for companionship, they compromise their core being. Thus, divorce and breakups and misery.
True. NPR had a show about domestic abuse. The expert was saying that some people are so afraid of the emotional pain of breaking up with their partner that they would rather endure the present physical and emotional abuse.
Not me though. I would rather be all alone and without a man in my life than to be in a compromised relationship.
"Kids on her own"? Man, that's the most revealing thing she could possibly say.
If he's having to change diapers at 2 a.m., pay for daycare, watch the child while she goes out, then that's not having "kids on her own."
Kids are not potted plants that need occasional tending. They are a 24/7 commitment of love, attention, and money. Sounds as if your friend has no understanding of what raising kids entails. It also sounds as if her husband has a far better understanding of what raising kids entails, and has said, "No Thanks," by a visit to his urologist.
I think I should have clarified that they are NOT married. They have been dating for two years. They don't even live together. That's where the really kicks in. So when it was suggested that she could have kids on her own, they meant she could adopt or have IVF. She is putting that on hold to keep him, and he doesn't even want to move in with her.
She been pretty heavy on him the whole time about his alone time, always challenging him to show he cares. Now he has "betrayed" her by getting snipped without her input, but this was a decision he made long before she came along.
I think I should have clarified that they are NOT married. They have been dating for two years. They don't even live together. That's where the really kicks in. So when it was suggested that she could have kids on her own, they meant she could adopt or have IVF. She is putting that on hold to keep him, and he doesn't even want to move in with her.
She been pretty heavy on him the whole time about his alone time, always challenging him to show he cares. Now he has "betrayed" her by getting snipped without her input, but this was a decision he made long before she came along.
Oh. For some reason I assumed they were married so, yeah, that changes the nature of my answer.
That friend of yours is pretty screwed up. She obviously feels the world revolves around her. The guy in this situation has definitely dodged a bullet.
My father married a woman when I was 18 and my brother was 12. He made it abundantly clear he did not want anymore children (why mess with perfection?) and she said she understood this. As a matter of fact, this fact came up with me BEFORE and AFTER they were married. My step mother said she understood and was happy with this fact.
Well, 2 years into the marriage she was whining and moaning because my father did not want anymore children
Fast forward 18 years to their divorce proceedings...she claims he was cruel to her because he "withheld" children from her
I think I should have clarified that they are NOT married. They have been dating for two years. They don't even live together. That's where the really kicks in. So when it was suggested that she could have kids on her own, they meant she could adopt or have IVF. She is putting that on hold to keep him, and he doesn't even want to move in with her.
She been pretty heavy on him the whole time about his alone time, always challenging him to show he cares. Now he has "betrayed" her by getting snipped without her input, but this was a decision he made long before she came along.
Oh, well then this is a no-brainer! The guy needs to cease all contact with this broad because she's loony! It was bad enough thinking this was a married couple - her forcing her wants onto him after she already knew he didn't want kids. It makes it even more knowing that they aren't married and they don't even live in the same house!
He'll be just as loony as her if he hangs around. Why is he putting himself through this???
"I can change that person over time." For some reason, women fall for this conceit more than men.
I agree. People can change, but only if they want to. Others can't make them change. It sounds like the woman in the original post thought she could change her husband's mind. Why women (and some men) enter into marriage thinking they'll be able to change the other person is beyond me. You must have a high opinion of yourself if you think you can accomplish that when so many before you have failed. If you see red flags or traits you don't like during the dating phase, either accept them or find someone else.
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?) and she said she understood this. As a matter of fact, this fact came up with me BEFORE and AFTER they were married. My step mother said she understood and was happy with this fact.
