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I know a couple going through a pretty hard time right now. They've been together for two years. He made it abundantly clear that he doesn't want children from the beginning. She has no children and is almost 40.
He had a vasectomy the other day and she is furious. He told her he was getting one, instead of consulting with her first. But there is no consulting to be done when he has made it clear that he doesn't want to be a father, ever. Yet, in her mind, this is something he did to her, as opposed to something that was in line with what he has been saying all along. People have told her to go ahead and have a child of her own. But she is afraid he will leave her. Again, .
It's stuff like this that gives women a bad name. She wants him to want children when he doesn't. She is resents him for what is ultimately her choice to be with him knowing he doesn't want kids. And she is actually giving up the option to have children, just to keep him, and has the nerve to be angry with him about it.
I don't understand how being together for a while entitles anyone to something that was never on the table to begin with. How does someone get to the point of feeling entitled to another's fertility? Why should he have children just to prove he is not selfish?
Bong water at work.
Last edited by PassTheChocolate; 03-10-2009 at 11:54 PM..
she thought she was ok with no kids but she changed her mind. she may not in fact want to stay with him. divorce is 50%, people fall in love, they fall out of love.
For some reason...people don't take what people say at face value...especially something like..I do not want kids. That's a biggie!
I had a friend who, when the girl would move in with him...tell her... you're here for 6 months...that's it. When that 6 months would come and he would tell her it's time to leave...they would get all indignant...thinking he would change his mind... Do I think he was right? Nah, but thats another story...
Some women go into relationships thinking that the man will change...some men hope the women don't change....
I guess he was serious Can't say she didn't know.
Man, I personally never want kids. If the woman wanted kids and she tried to change me, I would dump her right away. Changing a person is a waste of time.
Thinking you can change another's behavior or anything else is a fool's game. There are many fools around. Not likely the marriage you're talking about will last. Cheers!
Me thinks we fear lonliness too much. When people are desperate for companionship, they compromise their core being. Thus, divorce and breakups and misery.
"I can change that person over time." For some reason, women fall for this conceit more than men. As if a guy is a room that has potential, but could do with a bit of a makeover.
Well, it doesn't work that way. If he is lazy when you meet him, he'll be lazy after ten years of marriage. If he has snakes in the head when you meet him, he'll have snakes in the head after ten years of marriage. If he doesn't want kids when you meet him, he won't want kids after ten years of marriage. That makes your friend a bit of a bonehead.
Another dirty little secret. Some women (Not all. Not even most) will get pregnant and pretend it's an accident. As in, "Whooops...the diaphragm slipped," or "Whoops...the pill isn't 100% effective, you know." My wife has a cousin who pulled that on her husband. Chances are, you know somebody who did that, too. Sounds as if your friend might fall into that category. After all, why would she be so upset that her hubby got a vasectomy? Sounds like she's really mad because her plans were thwarted, if you ask me.
Me thinks we fear lonliness too much. When people are desperate for companionship, they compromise their core being. Thus, divorce and breakups and misery.
This is so true. I have known so many men and women who are with someone that makes them sad in one way or another. It seems to me we will over look some "minor" differences in opinion rather than give up the "good feeling" of being in love. Live like this long enough and you become loyal to your SO and dont want to hurt them by leaving. This same scenario fits too many relationships and issues. Cleanliness, children, cooking, laundry, sex, hobbies, gun control, hunting. I guess the answer is in not compromising on issues that really bother you. Take the time to do some self interviewing. Make your major stand issues known to you and your SO. Decide if you can bend where they can't and vice versa. Far too often we get into a gear that works and coast through our relationships. Love can be so rewarding, and so painful. I think any one person is compatible with roughly 15% of the population. Meaning just because your potential SO meets say 80% of your "morality, code, opinions, what ever" it doesn't mean it will work. The issues you don't agree on become far more important over time. Take the time to make sure your priority issues are on par before you get too "comfy".
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moment.
Can't say she didn't know.
