Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler
Unless he got past beer 5, he'd leave me alone if I didn't disturb him. If he got to beer 5, he'd come looking for a fight.
Everyone who knows us, except his mom, who has never approved of me, was stunned to find that it was him who left me not me who left him. When they heard we were getting divorced they assumed I'd left him. I got comments like "It's about time" from those close enough to witness what went on. Even my step son was shocked that it wasn't me who left. Sorry. It is what it is.
Supposedly, he hit rock bottom after we separated, had an epiphany that he'd never gotten past his ex's cheating on him and decided that he'd been taking it out on me (hence the public letter of appology, which was, in itself rather embarassing.). .
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To be honest it sounds to me like the other woman is the least of the issues you have with this man.
If you are being honest with yourself and all the people in your life see it this way, then that is very telling and I can't imagine why you would stay with someone who punished you for his ex's sins, and came looking for a fight after drinking, anyway??
I do think that the public apology and effort he has made since show that his intentions are now good, but it sounds like you view the marriage as being over.
Kids survive divorce, especially if the parents can remain civil. I still think you need to make a decision. To me it seems like he was rotten, but is now making an effort. If you love him, you need to forgive him and move on, because if you don't he'll probably feel that his efforts aren't working, and maybe he'll revert back to his crappy behavior.
If you don't love him, then move on. You said you MAY be messing up your kids now, but a divorce DEFINITELY would. I would say the kids are DEFINITELY going to be affected either way. Kids are sharp as tacs and know exactly what is going on whether you discuss it with them or not.
So don't use the kids as an excuse for staying. You have to decide what to do for YOU.
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