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Just put the man out of his misery and leave already. Just leave.
How about answering the question. Why was he not married when he was with her but he's married now when there was no marriage ceremony in between? You don't just decide you're not married for 10 weeks so you can go play and then resume your marriage. That IS cheating. He just declared intent up front and then when he was done, came back. Same difference. Just as dishonest.
The dishonesty in a traditional affair when the man is with his wife is in hiding the affair. In our case it was the intent to come back. Just take a vacation, do what you want and it's not an affair because you left first. How does that work?
It's one thing to move on if your marriage is over and quite another if it is not. There IS a difference. A huge one.
Ivorytickler, I guess from your name you can play piano? That is no small task.
Anyway, I want to know how your home life is.. If I may be so bold to ask, do you and your hub talk about this? Does he comfort you or are you holding all your emotions in at home?
Ivorytickler, I guess from your name you can play piano? That is no small task.
Anyway, I want to know how your home life is.. If I may be so bold to ask, do you and your hub talk about this? Does he comfort you or are you holding all your emotions in at home?
We don't talk about this. It's a taboo subject for him. It's past and to be forgotten. I'm not even sure how he'd react if I brought it up now. It wasn't even really talked about when we got back togehter. He just said she didn't mean anything to him and to forget it. Easier said than done. I don't think I wanted to face it back then. Denial isn't good, is it?
Him saying she didn't matter doesn't make her not matter to me. Now I wish I'd met her. Never mind. That wouldn't be good.
I did it took a second marriage to a great lady. And about 10 years. But now even with the messy divorce and brainwashing of my daughter aginst me, I can be in the same room with my ex. Don't even need police there now,ha,ah,ha.
I do wish her the best. That's whatever husband number four of five can be divorced out of. Ha,ha,ha.......
I was working in a nursing home and I observed 2 women who were going to be roommates at the home, meeting for the first time. They were both in their 80's-one happily married for 60 years (her husband had just passed) and the other was divorced. Within seconds of meeting her roommate, the divorced one said, "Hi, I'm Ethel, I used to be married but my husband was cheating on me so I kicked him out!" The other lady said, "oh, I'm so sorry, do you want to talk about it". They proceeded to talk and cry about it for a great while. It turns out Ethel's ex-husband cheated on her about 30 years ago.
In answer to your question, in light of the above story, no I don't think people ever get over it when a loved one cheats.
My second hubby, [after I kicked him out due to (truthfully), God having informed him that he should quit his good job and sit around the house all day, watching TV and reading the Bible on commercial breaks] met a very nice girl over the internet and they lived at his mommy and daddy's home and now they have a child. I like her. She's a nice girl.
SHE can have him. We were actually still, by legal definition, married at the time. Was I jealous? Nope. Was I losing sleep? Nope. How does our teenage son feel about it? He's tickled he has a little sister and sees them a couple times a year. Fine by me. Be positive. They are welcome to come to my home and visit anytime. And I can even be civil, humorous and be a great hostess.
Like I said earlier...I found a real man since.
Psssst. *whisper* My kid doesn't know I think his dad is a total @ss. I don't want to make him feel bad. Some things are not the kids' business and only complicates their lives.
VERY few of us who have posted on her threads think he cheated.
That is because though they were technically still married SHE HAD FILED FOR DIVORCE AND HE HAD MOVED OUT. She is just wrong if she thinks a marriage only ends the day a judge stamps the word "divorced" across some paperwork
I have said it too many times already - MANY people do recover from being cheated on to go forward and have even stronger, better marriages - it happens all the time. I have witnessed it first hand with my brother-in-law and sister-in-law. BUT the one cheated on has to be willing to quit being a victim and take some responsibility for moving forward.
At this point Ivory would still rather be a victim and cling to how "right" her opinion is than anything else. I feel very sorry for her
VERY few of us who have posted on her threads think he cheated.
That is because though they were technically still married SHE HAD FILED FOR DIVORCE AND HE HAD MOVED OUT. She is just wrong if she thinks a marriage only ends the day a judge stamps the word "divorced" across some paperwork
I have said it too many times already - MANY people do recover from being cheated on to go forward and have even stronger, better marriages - it happens all the time. I have witnessed it first hand with my brother-in-law and sister-in-law. BUT the one cheated on has to be willing to quit being a victim and take some responsibility for moving forward.
At this point Ivory would still rather be a victim and cling to how "right" her opinion is than anything else. I feel very sorry for her
By your logic, we are not married now. If we were not married then and did not get married since then, we are not married now. Problem is, we are married now. We are married now because we were married then. The marriage never ended.
You can't take a break from your marriage, move out, sleep with whoever you want to and then resume your marriage. There's no pause button. It just doesn't work that way. Once it's determined the marriage never was over, it's an affair and has to be dealt with as one. Technically, it would have still been an affair had we ended up divorced but it wouldn't have mattered if we'd ended up divorced. It matters because we didn't end up divorced. It matters because the marriage wasn't over. Which makes it an affair. And it feels like one. The fact of the matter is, my husband slept with someone else. How you can say that's not an affair is beyond me because that is the reality I must deal with.
A married man sleeping with someone else is an affair. He was married. Evidenced by the fact we're still married and never had to get remarried. If my marriage had ended then wouldn't I have to get remarried to be married? You can't have it both ways. Which is it?
By your logic, we are not married now. If we were not married then and did not get married since then, we are not married now. Problem is, we are married now. We are married now because we were married then. The marriage never ended.
You can't take a break from your marriage, have an affair and then resume your marriage. It doesn't work that way.
You can't file for divorce and expect a man to think that means you still want him You BOTH did things that hurt the other person. Take some responsibility for once and just TRY to look at this from his point of view.
A piece of paper is not what makes people feel married - some don't need it at all to have a successful happy "marriage". As usual, you twist words to suit your purposes, but most of us just aren't buying it anymore - sorry.
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