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I think our friend there did a bit of blind posting. But he does make a slightly valid point. Ladies do not need to make themselves magazine worth to keep a man. While we are visual, we can also appreciate any effort you make. At 86 my grandmother would doll herself up before dinner with her husband of 62 years. Nothing fancy like just a freshen of hair and what not. I guess what used to be referred to as powdering a nose.(before coke)
She did this everyday not to try and keep up the look she had at 20 but to say to him that she cares enough to put in the effort. That being said ladies it is not about the make up. It is about the effort. As time goes by you ladies are less heart fluttered by a set of abs and biceps. It is no different for most men. We just really want to see that you care enough to give effort into something for us. I don't care if it is making him lunch once a month. Better if it is not on a schedule. Or how about clearing out the house on a football night and just chillin with him doing something he likes. Too many women sit and cry he never goes to the opera he never wants to get a couples message. Whatever it is. Ask yourself do you do those kind of things for him?
Anyway good luck getting over it or moving on from it. I know I am working on the stuff I need to change before I consider a relationship. I suggest Ivory does the same thing.
She looked like a raccoon at 86 trying to do make up through cataracts. My grandfather never told her how bad the make up looked. He would smile and get a look of heart felt happiness when she came into the dinning room. No matter how bad a job she did at applying the make up.
She looked like a raccoon at 86 trying to do make up through cataracts. My grandfather never told her how bad the make up looked. He would smile and get a look of heart felt happiness when she came into the dinning room. No matter how bad a job she did at applying the make up.
Oh yeah, it's the eyes. You can't see as well by then. That is a sweet example of a couple that over looked a lot, I'm sure, and made it work. And you know what I think? I think they would say it was worth it, too.
I found out recently that my female cousin came home after work and found her husband having sex with another woman. They were only married a year or so and he was already looking for other partners. She stayed with him. I don't know why but I suspect she decided to play with other men or they began to swing together.
I found out recently that my female cousin came home after work and found her husband having sex with another woman. They were only married a year or so and he was already looking for other partners. She stayed with him. I don't know why but I suspect she decided to play with other men or they began to swing together.
Each to their own I say. As long as that is what they both wanted, then it is their funeral.
No is the simple answer. and others will likely say they have... and if at any pooint they think about it again I contend they ae not over it... when she calls to say she is working late, when he gets a call from another man you don't know, when he smells like another womans perfume. it doesnt matter the kind of relationship, or the kind of cheating it is all the same and it hurts the faithful partner.
My first clue was when I was accused of cheating... I know then they are doing it or at least considering it.
Does anyone get over it? no it is a wound and will always be there with that person. cheating is a road that there is no return from. So I suggest people consider, are you ready to end your relationship for this fling? if not keep it in your pants or skirt., otherwise end it and move on to another meaningless commitment, since apparently your commitments arent worth much.
If you do that, I promise to stay away from the thread because I already hate him. Sorry but I just had to say it.
And she has done her job well. Ivory wants reassurance that he is BAD and she is VICTIM. It may be true, it may not be true.
To be totally fair, he needs his talk time, too.
There seems to be way too much faith in the couselor, also. That one is being paid to say what Ivory wants to hear. I guess she found the perfect therapist.
So what would you have done if your ex had stopped drinking in an attempt to win his family back and then after several months of not drinking at all started having 3 or 4 drinks a month? My husband was/is what they call a functional alcoholic. Is the fact he has controlled it this long proof that he never was an alcoholic or does it mean he cares about his family enough to control it in spite of being an alcoholic (three counselors have said he is one).
He is an alcoholic, those three counselors are correct.
And until he gets his butt out of denial, and into recovery, NOTHING changes, it only gets worse. Worse for you, worse for your children, worse for your family, worse for him, and worse for your future.
Alcoholics DO NOT recover on their own.
They just talk a good line to avoid dealing with it.
The greatest gift you can give him is the dignity to take responsibility for and deal with the chaos and crises he has created in his life, in his marriage.
Alcoholics who care about their families....get into recovery.
The ones who say and do anything to avoid getting into recovery are the ones who care only about themselves. HE CAN NOT DO IT ON HIS OWN. If you believe he can then you are just as sick as he is, and he is going to drag you right down with him.
Alcoholism untreated ends in one or all of following:
incarceration
insanity
death
That is what you are signing up for for the rest of your life, both for you, and or your children.
Please I hope you are attending Al-Anon meetings, for loved ones of alcoholics. Not only to give you the chance at the sunny future you and your children deserve. But to also hear the stories of the people who "thought they could do it on their own" and now lament wasting 20, 30, 40 years of their lives that they will NEVER get back.
It's your choice.
Last edited by Tzaphkiel; 03-15-2009 at 10:00 AM..
Maybe it's coming to the surface for a reason. Trust is HUGE with me. Without trust, there is nothing. Maybe that's why I feel so empty.
No, you are right.
Without trust THERE IS NOTHING.
If he still does not admit he has a problem with alcohol,
and still is not taking steps to address that through professional help,
then there is nothing there to trust.
Except your gut instincts that are telling you "there is nothing" in that relationship.
No, you are right.
Without trust THERE IS NOTHING.
If he still does not admit he has a problem with alcohol,
and still is not taking steps to address that through professional help,
then there is nothing there to trust.
Except your gut instincts that are telling you "there is nothing" in that relationship.
Holy Bat terds Batman...
Is it just me or is defining a man that has 4 drinks a month an alcoholic. Look unless this guy is like 50 pounds he is not becoming intoxicated much less impaired.
Ivory did not say he is drinking 3 or 4 times a month. She said he has one drink three or four times a month. This is not a binge drinker. This is not escape drinking. It is an example of healthy moderate consumption.
I am not saying the guy never had a problem or consumed too much at one time. Fact is he is not displaying (from this example) alcoholic tendencies.
This is again another example of an aspect of THEIR relationship getting blown way out of proportion.
Ivory do you really want to base YOUR decisions on the rantings of OTHER BITTER people reading and feeding their own personal pain into your problems.
My gosh I have had a terrible experience with Marriage yet I still say if you want to make it work and making it work well end up with you happy...... DO IT.
I also say if you don't want it to work LEAVE.
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