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Why did your husband move out? Were you separating? And what do you mean he replaced you? Is he living with or engaged to marry someone else or did he just have sex?
The first thing he did was look for a girlfriend, if he didn't already have one. He was ready to introduce her to the kids so fast, I wonder if he knew her before.
He moved out because he wanted to move out. He has stated he had no intention of filing for divorce but he also had no intention of staying with is family.
The first thing he did was look for a girlfriend, if he didn't already have one. He was ready to introduce her to the kids so fast, I wonder if he knew her before.
He moved out because he wanted to move out. He has stated he had no intention of filing for divorce but he also had no intention of staying with is family.
Novel Idea:
Put hubby on the thread. Let's see what he says. Maybe we can gain valuable insight into his thinking. That should answer a lot of questions!
Novel Idea:
Put hubby on the thread. Let's see what he says. Maybe we can gain valuable insight into his thinking. That should answer a lot of questions!
If you do that, I promise to stay away from the thread because I already hate him. Sorry but I just had to say it.
If you do that, I promise to stay away from the thread because I already hate him. Sorry but I just had to say it.
I am not suggesting in any way that this is Ivory's fault. I am questioning a little though. This was all presented from her point of view.
Countless times we have been shown she will not listen to or care to comprehend logic that is opposed to her own. This makes me ask, Is his drinking really that much? Does he have a beer or two "occasionally" when he gets home. (not on a schedule or anything) As far as him wanting to move on with his life. There may be two problems( if only 2 I am shocked) at work. He may be unable to cope emotionally. She may be exaggerating every argument.
Objective thinking is hard to do. Trust me there are plenty of times I have second guessed my best choices. After 27 years of marriage the only help Ivory wants is ho to get over him seeing someone else after "SHE" filled for divorce. Nothing has been asked of how to make the marriage stronger, happier, more productive. Does this not strike anyone else as a contributor to the problem.
To Ivory:
Are you working to try and make the marriage happy? Are you trying to make him feel loved? Are your kids more happy with you two together? Is this the "only" issue?
Most importantly, has he been trying to make it work, has he been trying to make you happy? Has he been a good father to your(the both of you) children after the split up?
If your answer is no to more than a few of these....... I think you know why it is not working. I don't think you have ever really wanted to forgive him. I think you want to have something to hold over his head. I sent the DM to you hoping you were maybe too proud to accept these facts in a public forum. Turns out you just don't want to be happy. Everyone here that has responded has tried to help you. Even the sorry @ss cheater. It is time to ask yourself not us, if you want to be happy.
I wonder why he cheated in the first place?
Now the wife can not control what he does but her actions will influence his feelings and behaviour and she controls her actions.
So I wonder what the wife does and does not do that results in him cheating?
When a couple are first going out together, their thoughts are just for each other but later .... well ... they start to think of other things. Does she think of her husband first or is it things that she just must do. Whether those things be important things like the kids or meeting with her girl friends?
A local radio station had listners ring in recently and say what they did just for their partner. One girl said that her husband had never seen her without makeup. Every moning, she gets up and the first thing she did was nip into the bath room and put on some. Just a little. Why - Not that she was worried that he would not lover her without the makeup. But because it was something special that she did just for him. To remind her every day of him. To get her thinking of him.
To the women here, What I wonder do you do for your husbands? Are they the first thoughts on your minds? Or are you busy organising other things.
Now we all know that men are stimulated visually. Do you wear the clothes that would turn him on?
Now by cheating, I take it you mean sex. Well guys think about sex. A lot. But once they have it, they stop thinking about it. For a few minutes any way. So if you are denying him sex. You are not interested. You are not turned on. You say to yourself, why should we have sex if I am not turned on. Well hardly suprising that he went elsewhere for sex.
If you are grieving so much about him cheating then it is obviously an important thing for you. Were you making him that important to you? Was he the first and most important thing in your life?
I wonder why he cheated in the first place?
Now the wife can not control what he does but her actions will influence his feelings and behaviour and she controls her actions.
So I wonder what the wife does and does not do that results in him cheating?
When a couple are first going out together, their thoughts are just for each other but later .... well ... they start to think of other things. Does she think of her husband first or is it things that she just must do. Whether those things be important things like the kids or meeting with her girl friends?
A local radio station had listners ring in recently and say what they did just for their partner. One girl said that her husband had never seen her without makeup. Every moning, she gets up and the first thing she did was nip into the bath room and put on some. Just a little. Why - Not that she was worried that he would not lover her without the makeup. But because it was something special that she did just for him. To remind her every day of him. To get her thinking of him.
To the women here, What I wonder do you do for your husbands? Are they the first thoughts on your minds? Or are you busy organising other things.
Now we all know that men are stimulated visually. Do you wear the clothes that would turn him on?
Now by cheating, I take it you mean sex. Well guys think about sex. A lot. But once they have it, they stop thinking about it. For a few minutes any way. So if you are denying him sex. You are not interested. You are not turned on. You say to yourself, why should we have sex if I am not turned on. Well hardly suprising that he went elsewhere for sex.
If you are grieving so much about him cheating then it is obviously an important thing for you. Were you making him that important to you? Was he the first and most important thing in your life?
If you want to die beautiful, you better die young. With age things change and that visual trash that men like, fades. If he is the kind that will cheat because of what he sees in his wife's outsides, then there is no marriage to begin with. Staying loyal is far more than that. Far more. It has to be a commitment that will be kept thru the good times and the bad, and no matter what, the promise that was made, no matter how long ago. The decision to cheat is his decision, not hers. That's my opinion, for what it's worth. Some women do it all and still the men cheat.
I think our friend there did a bit of blind posting. But he does make a slightly valid point. Ladies do not need to make themselves magazine worth to keep a man. While we are visual, we can also appreciate any effort you make. At 86 my grandmother would doll herself up before dinner with her husband of 62 years. Nothing fancy like just a freshen of hair and what not. I guess what used to be referred to as powdering a nose.(before coke)
She did this everyday not to try and keep up the look she had at 20 but to say to him that she cares enough to put in the effort. That being said ladies it is not about the make up. It is about the effort. As time goes by you ladies are less heart fluttered by a set of abs and biceps. It is no different for most men. We just really want to see that you care enough to give effort into something for us. I don't care if it is making him lunch once a month. Better if it is not on a schedule. Or how about clearing out the house on a football night and just chillin with him doing something he likes. Too many women sit and cry he never goes to the opera he never wants to get a couples message. Whatever it is. Ask yourself do you do those kind of things for him?
Anyway good luck getting over it or moving on from it. I know I am working on the stuff I need to change before I consider a relationship. I suggest Ivory does the same thing.
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