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Let me add another note to the story - last summer i spent a lot of time with my guy friends, esp this one dude and we became really good friends. Still spent a lot of time with my girlfriend but we spent a lot of time apart as well. She would go out with her best girl friend and they frequented a bar often. So i guess they made a lot of new friends there and would go over and crash at this guys house after the bar often as well. I had no problem with this. Well then my girl friend and her best girl friend had a falling out. She continued to go hang out with this guy from the bar who basically became her new best friend. She would stay over there and hang out over there a lot, especially when i was out with my friends. I never met this guy and at one point when i was home i said i would go with her and she told me she wanted some time alone with friends, which i said was fine. So after about 8 months or so i still had never met the guy and told my gf that i would like to. Well i guess the guy didnt want to meet me and she is no longer friends with him. Ideas?
G Man
So you have no problem with your gf staying the night at another dudes house? Are you crazy? Your a guy, you know what is always on another guys mind! I would never be okay with that and my gf would not be okay if I stayed the night at another girls house!
Hypthetical situation - I am out of town and my girlfriend goes out to a bar with my brother. While there she meets a new guy and they exchange numbers. The next day they go bar hopping then go there seperate ways. Nothing improper takes place. When i get home i hear a lot of things about this new guy and it makes me a tad jealous which is not usualy a trait that i have. Anyways, since then we, as a couple have gone to hang out with this guy a couple times and seems like a pretty decent dude. When we were out together last weekend she felt the need to text this new guy to see what he was doing? Also, the night before, after he left from hanging out with a group of us at our house to go to the bar, she continued to write him and wondered about joining him at the bar. I am 100 % convinced that nothing wrong has happened and she is merely making a new friend, which is always a good thing. I also think that for 99% of couples this situation probably wouldnt work, but why shouldnt it?
Hypthetical situation - I am out of town and my girlfriend goes out to a bar with my brother. While there she meets a new guy and they exchange numbers. The next day they go bar hopping then go there seperate ways. Nothing improper takes place. When i get home i hear a lot of things about this new guy and it makes me a tad jealous which is not usualy a trait that i have. Anyways, since then we, as a couple have gone to hang out with this guy a couple times and seems like a pretty decent dude. When we were out together last weekend she felt the need to text this new guy to see what he was doing? Also, the night before, after he left from hanging out with a group of us at our house to go to the bar, she continued to write him and wondered about joining him at the bar. I am 100 % convinced that nothing wrong has happened and she is merely making a new friend, which is always a good thing. I also think that for 99% of couples this situation probably wouldnt work, but why shouldnt it?
G Man
Hypthetical (sic) situation? Doesn't sound hypothetical to me. It sounds like this IS the situation.
Just wondering ... why is your woman going out to bars with your brother?
If it concerned you enough to come here and post it - you know you have a problem. If you have concerns about her latching onto this new guy to "hang out", then you know something's not right. Trust your gut instincts.
Let me add another note to the story - last summer i spent a lot of time with my guy friends, esp this one dude and we became really good friends. Still spent a lot of time with my girlfriend but we spent a lot of time apart as well. She would go out with her best girl friend and they frequented a bar often. So i guess they made a lot of new friends there and would go over and crash at this guys house after the bar often as well. I had no problem with this. Well then my girl friend and her best girl friend had a falling out. She continued to go hang out with this guy from the bar who basically became her new best friend. She would stay over there and hang out over there a lot, especially when i was out with my friends. I never met this guy and at one point when i was home i said i would go with her and she told me she wanted some time alone with friends, which i said was fine. So after about 8 months or so i still had never met the guy and told my gf that i would like to. Well i guess the guy didnt want to meet me and she is no longer friends with him. Ideas?
So you have no problem with your gf staying the night at another dudes house? Are you crazy? Your a guy, you know what is always on another guys mind! I would never be okay with that and my gf would not be okay if I stayed the night at another girls house!
Yeah, i just i'm just different from most people in that i trust her and i know she wouldnt do anything improper. I am confident in myself and our relationship. If it was a girl then no one would care. Why does the fact that he is a guy make it any different?
Yeah, i just i'm just different from most people in that i trust her and i know she wouldnt do anything improper. I am confident in myself and our relationship. If it was a girl then no one would care. Why does the fact that he is a guy make it any different?
G Man
It is different because of a few reasons...
First of all, it can be risky. Not always, but sometimes. Men and women sometimes begin to feel attracted to that friend in ways they didn't anticipate. If you aren't gay that doesn't happen in woman-woman or guy-guy friendships. And remember, all the best marriages start out as great friendships.
Yeah, i just i'm just different from most people in that i trust her and i know she wouldnt do anything improper. I am confident in myself and our relationship. If it was a girl then no one would care. Why does the fact that he is a guy make it any different?
G Man
Is he straight? If so you should know what a straight guy thinks when alone with a girl. If not it's SEX! I understand you trust her, I trust my gf but would be extremely pissed if she stayed the night at some guys house. That is just begging for something to happen. Your obviously concerned about these events or you wouldn't post them here.
This might be a more interesting thread if she had gone to the camera club, made a new friend and they were now planning a trip to the mountains for a photo shoot. Now, the issues of what kind of relationship they will have becomes an issue. Is he the type of guy who wants to never let her out of his sight?
Meeting at the bar is a different issue altogether because this is less an oportunity to broaden ones interests ans more a place to find people. Not always, but this also has me wondering about her and the interests she holds.
I would try not to let it bother me but I would definitely keep my eye on it. I would also pay attention to the chemistry between her and her new friend. When the two of you go out w/him, make sure you aren't a wallflower.
The phone eventually tells all if there is anything going on. If there is an insane amount of texting going on "under the table" if you get my drift or when she gets a text alert, pay attention to what happens. Does she open it with you close-by, leave the room, go to the other end of the couch, re-position herself when the two of you are snuggling, etc.
If weird stuff is happening and you think you are going to go mad you can do a few things very discreetly that will shed some light on the situation.
I'm spontaneous anyways, but if you aren't - get spontaneous. Drop flowers off at her job when she says she is going to be there, surprise her at home with lunch when she says she is going to be there, etc. If she is not where she says she is, give her a call. Ask her what she is doing, you're thinking about her. If she maintains she is where she isn't, tell her you will be there in a few minutes with flowers/lunch/whatever. You want to come off as a doting boyfriend and not a stalker, because then everything will be your fault if she is doing you wrong.
Leave your cell phone in the car, and tell her you need to text your friend mark/rob/ben whatever to tell them happy birthday/you can't hang out/blah blah and see if she deletes her history before she hands you the phone. Then you know you got a real problem. I don't recommend this approach unless its eating you alive, because once you do this everything will be your fault if she is doing you wrong.
I dunno, I seem to attract cheaters so it probably takes less to make me paranoid, but I recommend trusting her until she gives you a reason not to trust her - don't do any investigative work until your trust falters.
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So you have no problem with your gf staying the night at another dudes house? Are you crazy? Your a guy, you know what is always on another guys mind! I would never be okay with that and my gf would not be okay if I stayed the night at another girls house!
