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Be gone with yee to thy nether regions, I am thy forum master.
However, the advice I'd like to give to the OP is for you to give it a try and enjoy the relationship. You seem to really love the lady. Good luck to you
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tropical Trouble
Hmmm, maybe you should stop posting under Artsygal, Artsywoman or all of the other 14 or so "Artsys" on this forum.
No, it's mostly her fault... albeit through negligence. I asked her about her finances one day and she said "Oh, I think I have some student loans... but my parents pay the payments." She cried when we pulled her credit report clueless.... I've been pulling my credit report since I was 18.
Again, a very bad sign - wish you would listen, this situation has "disaster" written all over it. She's THAT much in debt and was completely clueless???
PLEASE, do yourself and this girl a favor - DATE for a very long time - do not take financial responsibility for her, do not live with her. Encourage her, love her, but wait for her to take some personal responsibility for her life. RESIST THE URGE TO BE HER KNIGHT IN SHINING ARMOR, or you will regret it later.
Again, a very bad sign - wish you would listen, this situation has "disaster" written all over it. She's THAT much in debt and was completely clueless???
PLEASE, do yourself and this girl a favor - DATE for a very long time - do not take financial responsibility for her, do not live with her. Encourage her, love her, but wait for her to take some personal responsibility for her life. RESIST THE URGE TO BE HER KNIGHT IN SHINING ARMOR, or you will regret it later.
Truer words were never spoken. She needs to grow up. Just because she's contrite doesn't mean she's learned.
You have better information than we do. You've known her for quite some time. If she has truly changed the way you believe she has, and her parents no longer influence her financial decisions, I don't see a problem. You know what you are getting into. Best of Luck.
I remember there was another Twinkle Toes on here once and I totally flipped out. I thought I was going crazy or something because I didn't remember posting the thread that the other Twinkle Toes posted.
You have better information than we do. You've known her for quite some time. If she has truly changed the way you believe she has, and her parents no longer influence her financial decisions, I don't see a problem. You know what you are getting into. Best of Luck.
He's 23 years old No way he knows what he's getting himself into, sorry.
mathguy33 - I typically avoid this forum - but your story isn't so different than a lot of people your age - whereby one side managed to get through school with little debt, but the other did not (regardless of the merit of any shady doings by parents).....the whole opposites attract thing at work in my humble opinion.
But my question is this - if you care/love this lady enough to want to live with her and maybe marry her someday - then you are prepared to accept whatever triumphs and challenges that life will offer you as a united couple, correct?.........that may include serious illness, loss of a job (maybe yours?), children entering the relationship, the death of a parent, etc.........I think if you can accept her debt (you've seen her credit report, so nothing is in hiding we can assume) and get her to agree up front to a lifestyle that will permit you to repay this as timely as possible (so you can be happy seeing you have adversity to debt) - then you have every reason to believe you can do this - together and that she is as committed as you are. This isn't about love as much as it is commitment - to a common approach to all the wonders that life will bring to your relationship (some positive, some not so much). If this scares you, or causes you to question if 'love' is enough - then you should move on......because having debt together will likely be one of the 'easiest' challenges you face together as a couple.
I just want you to ask yourself if your care/love/commitment to her, has a price? Is it worth less than $85k? Is it worth more? If she loses her job, will you love her less? If she is injured in an accident, will the expense and burdeon of her care, cause you to question if 'love is enough'?
Sit down with her - make sure you can come to a mutually agreed upon plan of attack for this debt - which could mean eating Ramen noodles for a while....or foregoing the new TV, or whatever........but if you can reach a plan of attack, without one or the other of you being 'bullied' into agreeing - then I say you have every reason to believe that you are both equally committed, to making a future together......where your LOVE can grow and be based on mutual respect and common thought processes about important decisions like those of a financial nature.
You are 23 years old - your earning potential and success in your career will be YOURS to grab and make happen.........student loans are a part of many young couples early days together.......don't let this jade you, unless there is something more going on here causing you to doubt this relationship, and the financial is the tangent reason you can validate for having some cold feet.
And don't be so hard on her for being 'clueless' about what was on her credit report - because if she's 23 years old - she hasn't had any reason to give it much thought to this point.......or likely any reason to pull her credit. You deserve an A+ for having a good understanding of your credit and the info on your report - but I honestly believe, that as 23 - you are a minority, and not a majority! ;o) Good luck mathguy33 - I hope your life continues on the path you have mapped out for yourself!
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clueless
No way he knows what he's getting himself into, sorry.
