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I'm seeing a woman with whom I had a 2-year high school relationship with (a serious one at the time). We broke up freshman year of college and went our separate ways. My way consisted of completing my degree, landing a good job out of college, and successfully becoming financially independent. Her way consisted of racking up $50k+ in student loan debt, never finishing her degree, and moving to a big city where she developed a drug and alcohol problem.
She now lives back at home, makes about $35-40K per year, and has the help of her parents to make the INTEREST payments on the loans she has accumulated. She has no drug or alcohol dependencies any more, and appears to be on a career track where she has the potential to earn up to $80k or more.
Her loans are also a product of her parents victimizing her to get excess money for themselves. She worked nearly full-time throughout school, yet blindly signed private student loans (for the maximum amount) well in excess of the cost of her tuition. Her parents pocketed the rest... approximately half of the accumulated amount, which by the way, has now accumulated to $85,000. Her parents are the epitomy of financial irresponsibility, and her blind trust of their judgement is a BIG reason she's in this mess.
Despite all of this baggage, I love her. I loved her then, I love her now, and I feel she is even stronger of a person now. We are moving into an apartment together (6 month lease), as we practically live together already.
My question(s) to you are:
Is love enough?
Does it trump a crippling amount of debt that will have to paid in full?
I'm 23 years old, I make $60k/year now, and will likely be making over $100k by the time I'm 30. Is this debt burden bound to ruin a marriage if we choose that path?
You've already decided to go for it, and you've already realized you'll pay for it (as in, you'll pay her debts). So why should it ruin your marriage, if any? Aren't you past the point of questioning this already? I think you glossed over the drug/alcohol problem, which is a bigger problem than her debt. She didn't get hooked because of the big city, she got hooked because she has an addictive personality/genetics that got the best of her. Sad to say, it will probably do so again regardless where she lives, for that is the nature of such beast. (This is why they are "recovering alcoholics", as in the rest of their lives even if they never imbibe again. Sobriety remains fragile.)
Dont see where this would ruin anything.. your eyes are wide open to the fact she has this in her past and you are willing to accept her with the debt and pay it... the only way it can ruin anything is if you are one of those people who holds things over people's heads. IE... I helped pay your student loans.. so now you owe me for the rest of your life... kind of thing
I'm seeing a woman with whom I had a 2-year high school relationship with (a serious one at the time). We broke up freshman year of college and went our separate ways. My way consisted of completing my degree, landing a good job out of college, and successfully becoming financially independent. Her way consisted of racking up $50k+ in student loan debt, never finishing her degree, and moving to a big city where she developed a drug and alcohol problem.
She now lives back at home, makes about $35-40K per year, and has the help of her parents to make the INTEREST payments on the loans she has accumulated. She has no drug or alcohol dependencies any more, and appears to be on a career track where she has the potential to earn up to $80k or more.
Her loans are also a product of her parents victimizing her to get excess money for themselves. She worked nearly full-time throughout school, yet blindly signed private student loans (for the maximum amount) well in excess of the cost of her tuition. Her parents pocketed the rest... approximately half of the accumulated amount, which by the way, has now accumulated to $85,000. Her parents are the epitomy of financial irresponsibility, and her blind trust of their judgement is a BIG reason she's in this mess.
Despite all of this baggage, I love her. I loved her then, I love her now, and I feel she is even stronger of a person now. We are moving into an apartment together (6 month lease), as we practically live together already.
My question(s) to you are:
Is love enough?
Does it trump a crippling amount of debt that will have to paid in full?
I'm 23 years old, I make $60k/year now, and will likely be making over $100k by the time I'm 30. Is this debt burden bound to ruin a marriage if we choose that path?
Love is not enough - and believe me, I'm REAL BIG on love.
It's great that you love this girl so much, but do NOT move in with her if you want this relationship to last and be long term.
She MUST have a chance to stand on her own two feet and be financially independent before you guys go any further. If you "rescue" her it will impact your relationship negatively for a very long time. She got herself into a huge mess and now she needs to deal with all the consequences, otherwise you are chosing a very risky path.
How will you be able to handle today's mortgages if you can't handle 50K of debt. I paid nearly that amount off, by myself, in 43 months and was making far less than you. I'll admit, I didn't own a car for 4 and 1/2 years and that helped.
you have attributed her bad credit utterly to her parents. i assume you got this info from her.
hope you are using good judgement. i got experience with this type of vampire, they are utterly harmless asleep, even beautiful, until you say "i do" then they awake, you wont believe what happens next.
An $85,000 low-interest loan shouldn't be a major hurdle for a couple making $140,000+ per year. Keep it in her name, keep paying on it, and it'll disappear in good time.
I agree that the drug and alcohol dependencies, even though in the past, should be of more concern. Addicts find all kinds of things to become addicted to, and you'll need to keep a close eye on her spending and habits. My late wife feared alcohol because she'd seen what it did to her mother, but shopping was another story. She'd go out for groceries and come home with $1,000 worth of clothing -- weekly!
I've never regretted marrying her, but her addiction to shopping was an expensive illness. If you have that addictive personality, it will likely manifest itself one way or another.
How will you be able to handle today's mortgages if you can't handle 50K of debt. I paid nearly that amount off, by myself, in 43 months and was making far less than you. I'll admit, I didn't own a car for 4 and 1/2 years and that helped.
From what I gather... most of the loans are sitting at 10-11%. This will not get any better with only her and her parents' name on the loan; they all have horrendous credit.
you have attributed her bad credit utterly to her parents. i assume you got this info from her.
hope you are using good judgement. i got experience with this type of vampire, they are utterly harmless asleep, even beautiful, until you say "i do" then they awake, you wont believe what happens next.
No, it's mostly her fault... albeit through negligence. I asked her about her finances one day and she said "Oh, I think I have some student loans... but my parents pay the payments." She cried when we pulled her credit report clueless.... I've been pulling my credit report since I was 18.
An $85,000 low-interest loan shouldn't be a major hurdle for a couple making $140,000+ per year. Keep it in her name, keep paying on it, and it'll disappear in good time.
I agree that the drug and alcohol dependencies, even though in the past, should be of more concern. Addicts find all kinds of things to become addicted to, and you'll need to keep a close eye on her spending and habits. My late wife feared alcohol because she'd seen what it did to her mother, but shopping was another story. She'd go out for groceries and come home with $1,000 worth of clothing -- weekly!
I've never regretted marrying her, but her addiction to shopping was an expensive illness. If you have that addictive personality, it will likely manifest itself one way or another.
Problem is... I do feel kinda burdened by her debt. I'm very debt averse... and combined we barely make $100K now. I guess I just had much higher expectations for myself (as far a earning power and wealth accumulation).
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clueless
