My potential SO cut me off because I attend church... (dating, woman)
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No. We're simply saying a church-goer is not a person we would like to be with and this woman must feel the same way. That's all.
No, you said that, which is something I can accept. Other posters, however, offered up some incredibly bone-headed opinions drawn from one or two people they have known in the past, making the mistake of deriving the general from the particular.
The other thing to consider is that this was a relationship that was ongoing, and that this was suddenly imposed on the OP. Evidently, the OP had made no secret of his church going, and the woman in question had enjoyed the relationship with him. Suddenly, however, she wants him to stop going, i.e., change who he is as a person. That is a terrible thing to impose on anyone else in a relationship, regardless of what they believe.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bchris02
My potential significant other cut me off tonight because I attend church on a regular basis. We have been talking a while and have got along and I didn't consider this any big deal but appearantly this person did and I just never saw it. It was just all of a sudden "I think you are freakin' nuts". Anybody think this is a valid reason or is it just a copout?
Everyone jumped on this quickly I see as a rant or rave against religion!
We're missing something here that your not telling us. You attend church regularly, you n your SO are talking n getting along, so my perspective and question is what have you left out here? You want us to believe she outta the blue just decided you aint havin it and it's because you go to church.....naw, you've done something else here, what is it?
Everyone jumped on this quickly I see as a rant or rave against religion!
We're missing something here that your not telling us. You attend church regularly, you n your SO are talking n getting along, so my perspective and question is what have you left out here? You want us to believe she outta the blue just decided you aint havin it and it's because you go to church.....naw, you've done something else here, what is it?
Wow. Your SO is a small-minded woman. For what she's really doing is punishing you for what you believe. And, by doing so, imposing her own beliefs on the OP and saying, "Believe this or you're not gettin' any."
Oh good grief what a load of crap. His potential SO was being smart, not small-minded. He or she saw the church/religion thing as something that would cause problems in the relationship, and they took the logical stance on it and cut off the relationship.
Also, the OP didn't say sex was being withheld until he stopped going to church, so how the heck did you infer that from his post?
It's a deal breaker. Whatever your views on religion (spirtuality, God, etc.) are it's one of the more vital aspects to be in tune with.
It's as vital as the issue of children. If one partner has a calling to become a parent and raise a children and the other partner is opposed to having any children, the relationship will fail.
My husband attended church now and then when we got married. I always found it amusing that his grandparents believed him to be such a good christian boy, and their values so high above my Mother's morals, yet I know more about religion than he does, and my Mother is genuinely a really good person, wheras his grandfather apparently used to beat up his grandmother.
They were also really quite rude to me the first time I met them (first question before even hello, was 'do you believe in God'). Then they were rude to my Mother and her girlfriend the one and only time they will ever have met them.
It's such a turn off to me when religious people start casting their judgements on others.
My family on my Father's side is made up of many vicars (priests), but they don't seem to have this judgemental slant that I see so often in the States.
The thing that has turned me away from organized religion more than anything else, are the countless remarks I have heard that supposedly Christian people make, disparaging my Mother's lifestyle. She probably lives her life in more of a 'christian way' than any of them.
It's got to the point where I find organized religion - especially islam, christianity and judaism, very difficult. Especially in the States. England seems a little more tolerant to me.
If my DH still wanted to go to church occassionally I wouldn't have a problem with it, but if it was a weekly event it would be an issue.
I DO have close friends who are Jewish and Christian who do not seem to have these judgements about others, but for some reason it's now become somewhat of a barrier for me if someone is very active in the church or temple. It's a real shame, but it is what it is.
Everything I have experienced shows me that people who go to Church regularly are the ones who behave the worst. I'm sure this isn't always the case, but it has been my experience of it over the past 30+ years.
EDIT: to address cpg's point. I actually agree that it is unfair to take what is relatively a small sample of people and use to to judge everyone who goes to church regularly. It has just been my experience so often, with extended family, friends, neighbors, friends of friends, etc. There is a definite pattern there that can't be missed. I do realize that it is not true of everyone, and that there certainly many Christians who roll their eyes and wish the more fanatic people would shut up and stop bringing a bad name to the religion. I just seem to come across the ones who make statements that I find outrageously offensive regularly, and all in the name of God. Sickening.
Oh good grief what a load of crap. His potential SO was being smart, not small-minded. He or she saw the church/religion thing as something that would cause problems in the relationship, and they took the logical stance on it and cut off the relationship.
Also, the OP didn't say sex was being withheld until he stopped going to church, so how the heck did you infer that from his post?
Let's check the OP's post, shall we?
My potential significant other cut me off tonight because I attend church on a regular basis. We have been talking a while and have got along and I didn't consider this any big deal but appearantly this person did and I just never saw it. It was just all of a sudden "I think you are freakin' nuts". Anybody think this is a valid reason or is it just a copout?
In other words, "on a regular basis" means that church isn't something he just started doing, but had been a consistent part of his life. With me so far?
"Cut me off," means that intimate relations, whatever they were, were stopped abruptly. Perhaps it has a different meaning, but that's how I interpret it.
"...Because I attend church on a regular basis," indicates causation. In other words, 'Because you attend church, I will no longer be intimate with you.'
Now, the OP might not be telling us the entire story, but if he is, then it's pretty clear-cut. He had been going to church regularly, his SO had never really protested this, and then suddenly stopped being intimate with him, citing this as the issue. I'm not sure what other interpretation we can derive from this. Maybe the OP will return to the scene and clarify.
Your Salvation is way more important than your SO.Dump them!
hillman
You see, things like this irritate me. Your salvation? really?
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