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Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
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Quote:
Originally Posted by crankygf
run for the woods...with fibromyalgia comes emotional instablity..
Please don't be ignorant about it. It no more comes with emotional instability than does a cold or flu. It's all in your attitude and outlook. Like I said above, attitude is everything. I'm one of the most positive people you could meet and I have fibro.
Well, I have an autoimmune disease that shares some symptoms with fibro and I can tell you that it definitely takes a toll on my social life. However, when I choose not to call friends/respond to emails/texts/calls... that's my CHOICE and it is not the fault of my lungs, kidneys, or joints.
I feel guilt about it sometimes and other times, I feel resentment that they don't understand that I do need more rest than most people our age. I rarely lose my temper but someone making a comment about my health will cause me to snap. So, I try to be up front about my limitations in all relationships and it's never really been an issue.
In fact, I've found most of the guys to be so great about my needs. I try and stay as active as possible... in denial most of the time and ignoring my illness... but still, when it knocks me out, I'm so fortunate to have had good people who will call, text, or chat to keep me company while I'm not on my A-game.
I don't know her situation... but I believe that everyone, everywhere has a choice unless they are in a coma. I vote that you communicate what you need to her... which is more communication... and if she is unable to provide that for any reason, you need to evaluate whether or not you can remain in the relationship knowing her tendency to be unavailable. In the end, the reason for her absence is irrelevant if you determine that it's a dealbreaker in your eyes.
Location: Moose Jaw, in between the Moose's butt and nose.
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Gottasay said something about offering her favors, like making meals, I've done this already, but I still don't know where she lives. Her excuse, she wanted to go slow and see if this had real potential due to her kids and men leaving her and her kids before, even if they were just pals.
The part of what you said about an excuse...
I don't want to judge her or anyone else (my friend), but again, if hers is so bad that she can't even take 5 minutes out of a day to say hi to someone (especially someone who she's attracted to).....
how would she be able to have any serious relationship? IMO the only men who would be happy with that would be players or ones that want her for f***ing only.
You just have to decide if this is how you want to live your life.
crankygf- Wow, thanks. Glad to know I'm emotionally unstable just because I need painkillers to get out of bed in the morning. Maybe walk a mile in those shoes before you make baseless judgments please?
Yeah, I feel guilty I can't do everything I feel I should be able to do. But that doesn't make me emotionally unstable. It's hard to live with a disease with no cure, constant pain, that no one believes in. It's a disease of elimination, so naturally many people don't believe in it. Pain is hard to measure objectively. Even through that, I'm one of the cheeriest people I know.
If you don't have it, it's really hard to understand the excuses. I have it, and it took my husband over a year while we were dating, living with me, seeing how much of an effort things were, and how it really hindered what I wanted to do to really understand how severe it was. Ever had to choose between being able to have sex and eat without throwing up or being able to stand up without crying? A lot of the medications for fibro force you to make that choice..and I guarantee many of us would not make that choice if it were "all in our heads."
Fibromyalgia isn't really a disease of what you can't do, but what you shouldn't. Sure she can push through it to return your calls, but she'd probably sleep an extra four or five hours to recuperate. I cancel plans a lot, because sometimes I really just have a bad day...but then I try to make up for it when I am having a good day by initiating plans later on. And if she's like that, she's probably so exhausted from caring for her kids that she has absolutely no energy left.
If she really has fibro, she'll go through good times and bad times. Sounds like she's having a flare. It really tests how devoted you are to a person, because fibro really is the fire test for "in sickness and in health." Some weeks I'll feel great, but when it gets cold outside I can spend weeks in bed.
Things that help me: avoiding grains (bread especially), having a regular sleep schedule, avoiding caffeine until I absolutely need it, and regular massage. Encourage her to find a medicine that works for her. You'll have to be patient with her, because it really is a disability.
That said, you can have a wonderful, fulfilling relationship with a flake who has fibro...just ask my husband.
It sounds to me like it would be better for someone with this disease to find someone else with it for a mate. It would be very difficult for a healthy active person to live their life with his/her partner in bed for weeks at a time unable to even return a phone call.
Since the OP is not married, there is no committment, no in sickness and in health vow made yet.
I know a woman who has it and her kids say that all she does is lays in bed for days on end, they make their own dinner and bring her her meds. She can't clean the house, help with homework, go out and grocery shop which her husband must do. They get home from school and she's still in bed like she was when they left. It might be hard on her - but it's not easy for the kids or the spouse. Their dad is the only parent that does anything with them at all.
Never dated anyone with it, but we had this guy who we met on a cruise call us, who had never been to CA before. He wanted to come out for a visit, and since we got along so well on the cruise, we figured, sure - why not. We figured he'd come out for a week's stay. NO - he was here for TWO WEEKS! And to top it off, he told us he had fibromyalgia, and he brought a tackle box filled with drugs and pot along with him. Then he proceeded to sleep all day, then was ready to party at night. My husband and I still had to work, so we couldn't be up partying all night. We had made plans to take him sightseeing during the days we were able to, but he slept! Then he used our hot tub as party central and smoked pot all night. Keep in mind, I had a teenager at home at the time, so not a good scenario if you're trying to teach your kids to live a drug free lifestyle. Needless to say, we had to cut this guy from the food chain.
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
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I think some of these are extreme cases and don't represent the majority of fibro cases. I refuse to take anything for mine except OTC motrin--no steroids or anything. I manage mine with exercise and proper diet and it does work if you stick with it. We haven't all given up on life and lay in bed for days or weeks at a time. You'd never know I had it if I didn't say so and very few people IRL know I have it b'c I won't let it keep me down. I hate the misconceptions of this disorder brought on by the few who just succumb to it.
A good friend of mine has it. She is a very hard-working, very active person, and usually a person would never guess that she has it. However, when she gets a flare up, she will lay in bed all weekend, though it is a rare day that she would skip work because of it. . From what I understand, there are different degrees of it, so that one person's experience with it might not be the same as another's.
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
9,516 posts, read 20,009,486 times
Reputation: 9418
Quote:
Originally Posted by Eresh
A good friend of mine has it. She is a very hard-working, very active person, and usually a person would never guess that she has it. However, when she gets a flare up, she will lay in bed all weekend, though it is a rare day that she would skip work because of it. . From what I understand, there are different degrees of it, so that one person's experience with it might not be the same as another's.
That much is true. Before I was finally diagnosed--which took several years--I could hardly walk for weeks. I had no idea what was going on and I was incapacitated b'c of it. But once I finally got diagnosed I tried to take control of the situation by working out and changing my diet. Things aren't 100% but I don't get taken down by it anymore. You can control the degree--to a large extent--with attitude and determination.
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