Have you ever dated some with Fibromyalgia? Need feedback.... (dates, wife, woman)

[beenhereandthere]

Excuse the title...have you ever dated someone, is what I meant to say..

I like this gal a lot that I met and have seen on 4 dates if you count the night we met in the last 4 weeks. However, I haven't seen her in 2 weeks and a lot of that is due to her illness. One thing I wonder about though, when it comes to her sincerity, is when she goes mulitiple days without calling or returning my text messages. This she blames on her being too tired to call and needing to recuperate. Well, I was trying to set up something very important to me, getting together with her this 7/4. I've spent the last 2 alone and really didn't want to spend this one alone, so I called her on Monday and we went over it, she was receptive, but didn't make a definite plan. Tuesday we talked real briefly, but didn't talk about the 4th. On Monday thanks to a friends emergency where she stayed up until 4a after rafting the same day. Well, I was trying to secure a final plan, for today, since I didn't want to be alone for today (by waiting until say, tonite, getting no answer or a sorry, but no thanks answer and then having it be too late to have a plan b with someone else). She didn't call or return my texts at all. This AM she said, in a text that I don't give her enough time to feel up to speaking to me, and it's all health related. Needless to say, I made other plans, since I didn't want to chance it with her, even though I really wish I was with her today.

In this case, I was trying to plan something for a holiday, not go out for a cup of coffee in the middle of the week on a non holiday.

Is it reasonable for someone with this disease to go X amount of days without hearing from them? I just think it's a stretch for her to say that she can't even take 3 to 5 minutes of a day, even when she is sleeping "all day" to return a phone call or call back when she said she is going to.

After if she is that sick, how can she raise her children on the days when she's sleeping "all day"?

Feedback welcome. I like her a lot and I'm just trying to understand. Realistically, maybe I can't (or a lot of people can't) be seriously involved with someone who is unavailable most of the time, due to a health condition like that, or is she a more extreme case when it comes to Fibromyalgia?

[PassTheChocolate]

My ex told me about his ex-wife getting it. But she managed to care for their kids and do what was necessary, even if it was with help. A phone call or a text shouldn't be THAT much of a nuisance.

[aoifster]

i havnt dated someo one like this, but i just want to give my experience of this illness.

a close family member has had this disease for years. she is one of the most active, strong and determined people i have ever met, and she could not get out of bed for a year at her worst. she has been an extremley hard worker all her life, and has a number of kids and had a good job, but at her worst she could barely speak or drag herself from her bed to any other room in her house.

she has recovered well and is no longer this bad, but it is a truely debilitating illness and the extent to which it destroys someones ability to function when it is bad is really hard to comprehend.

i cant comment on the woman your seeing directly,and i totally understand how you would feel that she is exagerating because it is so hard to understand how someone who is well when you see them can suddenly be so incapacitated they cant even text. but from what ive seen of it, this really can be such with this illness.
maybe not everyone is affected to such a degree, but some sufferers definatly are. the fact she still looks after her kids may be more to do with the cyclical nature of the illness and her own strenght of character than any 'proof' thats shes exagerating. but again, i dont know her so i cant really say!
i hope this helps in some way

[sanrene]

Have you ever dated some with Fibromyalgia? Need feedback....

My dressage coach had a client that claimed she had this disease.

She was extremely unreliable, flaky and just plain weird. She was often the talk of the stable.

We all had our doubts about the claims - it was just plain strange the excuses she would use.

Somehow I got the impression this is the diagnosis doctors use when they can't find a plausible reason for the symptoms.

[Whyte Byrd]

But

Originally Posted by sanrene

My dressage coach had a client that claimed she had this disease.

She was extremely unreliable, flaky and just plain weird. She was often the talk of the stable.

We all had our doubts about the claims - it was just plain strange the excuses she would use.

Somehow I got the impression this is the diagnosis doctors use when they can't find a plausible reason for the symptoms.

Yeah, that's what most people think. But it's real. I've had fibro for over ten years and while it can be very difficult to deal with, I know from experience that lying around doing nothing makes it worse. You have to keep moving. It may be difficult for the first few minutes or so but after that it gets easier. Unfortunately, I think some people use things like this as an excuse to do nothing and some even like being ill. Not sure why, attention they get from it? I dunno. You can take it lying down or you can get up and fight it.

ETA: Attitude is everything, regardless of what you have. It helps determine your quality of life.

[beenhereandthere]

Originally Posted by Whyte Byrd

But

Yeah, that's what most people think. But it's real. I've had fibro for over ten years and while it can be very difficult to deal with, I know from experience that lying around doing nothing makes it worse. You have to keep moving. It may be difficult for the first few minutes or so but after that it gets easier. Unfortunately, I think some people use things like this as an excuse to do nothing and some even like being ill. Not sure why, attention they get from it? I dunno. You can take it lying down or you can get up and fight it.

The part of what you said about an excuse...
I don't want to judge her or anyone else (my friend), but again, if hers is so bad that she can't even take 5 minutes out of a day to say hi to someone (especially someone who she's attracted to).....
how would she be able to have any serious relationship? IMO the only men who would be happy with that would be players or ones that want her for f***ing only.

[Whyte Byrd]

Originally Posted by beenhereandthere

The part of what you said about an excuse...
I don't want to judge her or anyone else (my friend), but again, if hers is so bad that she can't even take 5 minutes out of a day to say hi to someone (especially someone who she's attracted to).....
how would she be able to have any serious relationship? IMO the only men who would be happy with that would be players or ones that want her for f***ing only.

If someone's as bad off as she says she is, how would they be able to do the latter?

[beenhereandthere]

That's why I'm trying to figure this out as fair as I can. If she's really trying to say, not the right time for a relationship or I'm not really into you....why can't she just say that? I just can't buy the excuse that someone who has custody of her kids, one of them 9, is so tired on recuperation days, that she cannot even return calls or texts, even if they are brief. Or how can you possibly make plans in advance with someone like that, even though the 2nd time we got together, that was planned 2 days in advance.

[crankygf]

run for the woods...with fibromyalgia comes emotional instablity..

[Gottasay]

If you really care about her and see a FUTURE taking care of her at her worst, then think of ways you can help make her life a little easier, like bringing her some meals and/or organizing a bunch of her friends/relatives to help make meals and bring them over. If she says "no" then I think you know she may not be that interested in you, but then again, even offering to do such a kind thing might turn the corner for her as far as her feelings for you go. Watch Cyrano de Bergerac or Roxanne for some ideas and a good laugh as well.