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I understand that girls think loneliness and desperation is unattractive in a man. But it's so hard to not be when you've been single for several months and only have been on one date that didn't go anywhere.
Not all women can tell if you are lonely or not and even if they did not all of them will think it's bad. In fact, if a nice girl knows you are lonely her nurturing capabilities will be activated and you will officially be her "project".
Also, there are MANY women who are just as lonely (if not more) as you are, and if you find one of those girls, and the two of you get along, the both of you will be inseparable. I have seen it happen.
Not all women can tell if you are lonely or not and even if they did not all of them will think it's bad. In fact, if a nice girl knows you are lonely her nurturing capabilities will be activated and you will officially be her "project".
Also, there are MANY women who are just as lonely (if not more) as you are, and if you find one of those girls, and the two of you get along, the both of you will be inseparable. I have seen it happen.
So true. However, Brown Leather Jacket is only approaching the prettiest girls to try to date, so unfortunately MOST of them aren't lonely and they aren't the nurturing type either. Women who are really beautiful get a LOT of male attention ALL of the time. So Brown Leather Jacket is making his task of getting a girlfriend very difficult by only considering the prettiest of women to date.
So... it's actually hard for me to feel any sympathy for him if he is only willing to date beautiful women.
So true. However, Brown Leather Jacket is only approaching the prettiest girls to try to date, so unfortunately MOST of them aren't lonely and they aren't the nurturing type either. Women who are really beautiful get a LOT of male attention ALL of the time. So Brown Leather Jacket is making his task of getting a girlfriend very difficult by only considering the prettiest of women to date.
So... it's actually hard for me to feel any sympathy for him if he is only willing to date beautiful women.
D#m your good... You are SO right in that he should aim low to get his foot in the door. But at the same time, if he's out approaching high end girls then that commands a lot of respect on it's own even if they all shoot him down.
D#m your good... You are SO right in that he should aim low to get his foot in the door.
I'm actually not saying that he should "aim low", just aim towards women that are more reasonably achievable to him. He shouldn't just be aiming for the cream of the crop that visits his coffee shop. Plus it makes him seem like a very shallow man, if all he cares about is how good a woman looks before he approaches her.
He never seems to approach women for just friendship, he only focuses on trying to get her phone number for a romantic date. And with that as his only goal, the women can sense that also, and it's another reason they don't want to date him. Women love attention and making friends. So I feel that if he goes for platonic friendship first, rather than trying to score on that first date, he will have better luck with women in the long run.
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But at the same time, if he's out approaching high end girls then that commands a lot of respect on it's own even if they all shoot him down.
No really. Not only is he not having any success with his overtures towards these high end girls, but he's not alone in seeming to be ballsy for trying for them. Beautiful girls get the lions share of attention from men. Brown Leather Jackets isn't some solitary brave soul, he's in the company of many fellow men. So he doesn't deserve any respect from me in what he is doing.
Plus after so many months of failure, clearly he isn't good at trying new strategies when his dating method doesn't work. He just isn't any good at learning from his mistakes and failures.
He never seems to approach women for just friendship, he only focuses on trying to get her phone number for a romantic date. And with that as his only goal, the women can sense that also, and it's another reason they don't want to date him. Women love attention and making friends.
One thing. Umm, I don't see anything wrong with this?^^ There is nothing wrong with a man approaching a woman purely out of romantic interest.
To add to it, it's not like women approach men looking to "just be friends". All (not that much..lol) the women that were aggressive with me wanted sex at the most, and at the least, they were romantically attracted but could not go further because they were dating/married at the time.
It's just not real life, people don't approach people unless they find them attractive somehow (e.g., physically, financially, or emotionally attractive.)
One thing. Umm, I don't see anything wrong with this?^^ There is nothing wrong with a man approaching a woman purely out of romantic interest.
For a young man just out of college, I am very disappointed that Brown Leather Jacket has no platonic female friends at all. His only interest in women is for sex, whether it's for a casual hookup, FWB or if the woman is really pretty, he's willing to be her boyfriend. I guess that at the age of 50, I thought that the younger generation would be less sexist and more into having real friendships... platonic ones with the opposite sex. After all, women are now pretty much equal to men in the workplace. And all of my own life, I've had many best friends who were male because we shared the same hobbies, interests and work. Those men are like brothers to me.
And I feel that if Brown Leather Jacket had some platonic female friends close to his own age, he would better understand how a woman's mind works, and that would eventually lead to his having better success with getting dates from the women he is attracted to. As it is, he seems to be very shy and uncomfortable around these pretty women he is attracted to.
And he says that he is very lonely. But he is wrong if he thinks that he's going to fix that feeling with scoring with a woman. Having sex with a beautiful woman is not the answer. What he first needs is the companionship of good friends of both sexes.
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To add to it, it's not like women approach men looking to "just be friends". All (not that much..lol) the women that were aggressive with me wanted sex at the most, and at the least, they were romantically attracted but could not go further because they were dating/married at the time.
It's just not real life, people don't approach people unless they find them attractive somehow (e.g., physically, financially, or emotionally attractive.)
I respectfully disagree with you. Not all attractions between the sexes are sexual. I believe that men and women can be platonic good friends if they have a life with many shared interests other than sexual gratification. What I had in common with my male friends were being co-workers, playing in rock bands, collecting and dealing in antiques, motorsports or being classmates or neighbors. And maybe it makes me sound like a snob, but my best male friends were also those that also were graduates of good universities. The few times where the guys tried to cross the friendship line inappropriately (one of them was married), the men were the blue collar type (mechanic, service writer). With a man that is more educated, there was also more topics to talk about that were more cerebral and without sexual overtones, and more activities to do like visiting museums and concerts instead of bar or club hopping for entertainment.
Anyway, I would find a man whose only interest in women was sexual rather creepy and very unappealing. And if he was the type to only approach beautiful (to him) women and was interested in dating me, I might find it a bit flattering, but I still would not want to date him. Why? Because I have no interest in dating men that objectify women and only admire my outside beauty. I'd rather wait for a man that appreciates the inner me first after getting to know me.
For a young man just out of college, I am very disappointed that Brown Leather Jacket has no platonic female friends at all.
Not me, simply because people develop at different rates.
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Originally Posted by miu
And all of my own life, I've had many best friends who were male because we shared the same hobbies, interests and work. Those men are like brothers to me.
Good for you, but it's not fair to transpose your paradigm on a male who lives a completely different life then you.
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Originally Posted by miu
And I feel that if Brown Leather Jacket had some platonic female friends close to his own age, he would better understand how a woman's mind works, and that would eventually lead to his having better success with getting dates from the women he is attracted to.
Yes, I agree! So true.
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Originally Posted by miu
And he says that he is very lonely. But he is wrong if he thinks that he's going to fix that feeling with scoring with a woman. Having sex with a beautiful woman is not the answer. What he first needs is the companionship of good friends of both sexes.
Well only he knows whats best for himself and sometimes you got to learn on your own. If that's what he feels he needs to do (sleep with women) to cure his loneliness then let em.. And TRUST ME girls do this ALL THE TIME!!! Many girls end one relationship and start another one in the same week out of fear of being alone and having no BF. Guys don't have that power at such a young age ( have multiple females orbiting them).
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Originally Posted by miu
I respectfully disagree with you. Not all attractions between the sexes are sexual. I believe that men and women can be platonic good friends if they have a life with many shared interests other than sexual gratification. What I had in common with my male friends were being co-workers, playing in rock bands, collecting and dealing in antiques, motorsports or being classmates or neighbors. And maybe it makes me sound like a snob, but my best male friends were also those that also were graduates of good universities. The few times where the guys tried to cross the friendship line inappropriately (one of them was married), the men were the blue collar type (mechanic, service writer). With a man that is more educated, there was also more topics to talk about that were more cerebral and without sexual overtones, and more activities to do like visiting museums and concerts instead of bar or club hopping for entertainment.
Anyway, I would find a man whose only interest in women was sexual rather creepy and very unappealing. Because I have no interest in dating men that objectify women and only admire my outside beauty. I'd rather wait for a man that appreciates the inner me first after getting to know me.
I see your point, but I hate it how women vilify the aggressive sexual nature of a man and I really can't explain it further because you're a female. You just don't feel how we men feel when testosterone is running through our veins in the amount that we have! It's a VERY powerfull feeling (love it!, love it!) and it's the reason why sometimes we do the crazy things that we do.
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