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Oh bologna! These people are (hopefully) adults here playing with this situation! They know right, from wrong by now.
"Knowing right from wrong" means squat unless it's self-actualized. From a psycho-social standpoint, those who simply follow the rules out of a fear of punishment (such as being labeled as "different" or feeling ostracized) have NOT progressed beyond childhood in their psycho-social development. And there are FAR more people like that in society than would care to admit. They don't want to "do the work" of forming their own belief system and simply accept what was spoon-fed to them as children without internalizing, discerning, and affirming their own philosophies. When they are faced with conflicts that aren't clear-cut, it can send them into a crisis.
Healthy adults have "done the work," know what they believe and why they believe it so they are equipped to evaluate and respond to new things without having a meltdown. It sounds like the OP is doing just that -- evaluating the situation.
When I was very young, my SO pushed for the open relationship. I was much less attractive than him and I, of course, was against it. I knew he would and could attract other women easily. I also knew I wouldn't and couldn't.
After a long term marriage that didn't meet my needs at all, I ended up with a friend, not a lover. We were/are very tied financially so I brought up the possibility of an open marriage. H is very much against it because he knows he wouldn't and couldn't. He also knows I can attract men now. I got older and hotter instead of just old.
When I was very young, my SO pushed for the open relationship. I was much less attractive than him and I, of course, was against it. I knew he would and could attract other women easily. I also knew I wouldn't and couldn't.
After a long term marriage that didn't meet my needs at all, I ended up with a friend, not a lover. We were/are very tied financially so I brought up the possibility of an open marriage. H is very much against it because he knows he wouldn't and couldn't. He also knows I can attract men now. I got older and hotter instead of just old.
Just different sides of the same blanket.
Glad to hear someone else report becoming hotter with age. Definitely happened to me (and DH). We were both trolls in college when we met. Dirt poor and borderline malnourished. But we started working out and learning about diet. And we started dressing for success. After about a decade of lifting, we both started getting hit-on at the gym and elsewhere. And it continues.... We report who hit on us to each other. Great fantasy material. Keeps thing hot and interesting.
So tell me... What did it for you? Diet? Exercise? Packaging? Increased confidence? All of the above?
I haven't had the time to read thru the whole thread so forgive me if I'm being redundant, that said, my personal(& strong) feelings on "open" relationships is that the concept in of itself is an oxymoron, and to me, the kiss of death. First off, a relationship(the concept of) seems to imply two ppl who are in a COMMITTED, loving partnership. If it's "open", there's no commitment, at least not sexually, and this often leads to a whole host of problems. Look, each to their own, I'm NOT judging anyone, if your idea of kinky fun is rolling around in Crisco, so be it. I'm just looking at this pragmatically. Often ppl feel their relationship is so strong that they can experiment and it won't have any bearing on the relationship- not so. I saw a recent interview with a woman who had tried this with her husband in order to "spice up" their 17yr relationship. She said the marriage was great, no problems and she was just trying to be inventive and keep things interresting. Well, after 20 yrs total with her SO, she's now divorced and completely torn up; he left her for the chick he was swinging with. Point is, I don't care how strong and open and honest you think your relationship is, it would be very unwise to introduce this into an otherwise stable relationship, it really is like playing with fire and hoping to not get burned. Then you also have to wonder about someone's motivation to have an "open" relationship, seems suspect at best. Once again, just my opinions, good luck either way.
Open relationships can be suited for the right people, I suppose. However, like many suggested, it can lead to jealousy and insecurity. How about the couples that are open and explore together? If being there and a part of it can be more dealt with, then perhaps a relationship can grow. But then, that can lead to more of a poly relationship, be in polygyny or polyandry. But my feelings (having been in a polyandrous relationship with my ex-wife for over 8 years of a 17 year marriage) is that it can be a very rewarding type of relationship if all are secure enough. but heck, that is just my opinion.....
Doesn't this go all the way back to the animals? One male several females? That alpha male that takes care of the flock?
I wouldn't really mind if another woman joined us, I wouldn't ask for it myself nor push it. But if the one i was with would enjoy it, i'm sure i could go along with it. But i'm not going to have another male into our bed, That's out of the question.
Does this mean i have trouble? I don't think so. I don't wish for another man to join, nor do i wish for another woman to join us. Nothing with this points to jealousy or low self-esteem and what not. Now if you wanted another woman in your bed, but wouldn't accept a man. There is something there that you might want to think through.
If you don't want another man there with you, then don't push it onto your woman to bring another woman there. It's that simple.
Goes back to the ... Backdoor sex. If you want a woman to go through that, then be prepared to do the same yourself.
There are exceptions to the rule, but generally speaking, men can have sex and equate it on par with playing a pickup game of basketball or other sporting event. Yes, we can have meaningful, powered by love, sex too. But to us, sex with a stranger is an event.
Women on the other hand are FAR more emotionally attached to sex. For MOST (not all) women, sex means a little more. It confirms a true relationship and often some form of commitment.
So for your guy, he is viewing it as a fun hobby type thing, but when he thinks of you doing it, he wonders......"what is she falls for him."
I just realize when it comes to open relationships, many men would only want it for themselves, their own satisfy but yet get jealous if we thought about doing the same thing..
This is funny.... Only about two days ago me and my boyfriend had a thought about it. Well see, I had fantasize for a while about him doing other things with another woman or getting it on online. He was the one who brought up that topic and was asking what I would feel sharing him..
But he immediately changed his mind back to committed relationship when I told him it would have to be 50/50. Meaning, I share him but he would share me as well too (obviously I would want to do the same thing). He was like, oh no I was only thinking of a woman doing things on me and you watching.
Then I proceed with the idea of a half-way open relationship. Meaning there is no sex or the other sexual acts but kissing and fonding. He almost was about to agree until he knew I would be doing the same.
As for online sex, same thing. He doesn't want to do it because he wouldn't be happy if I were to do it. IMO an open relationship is 50/50, same as a committed relationship. Why should one do something and the other can't...
Because they are soooo insecure and think another man's you know wat is going to be bigger then their own
They want to have their cake and eat it too. You and another chick. But they never want to think of their girlfriend's getting it on with another dude especially in front of them............... They are sooo afraid of losing what they have for someone bigger or better yet the jerks want to have another girl join us in the bedroom are they totally stupid or do they think we are?
Me and my boyfriend were going to swing. We met up with another couple he didn't like the other girl right away so the deal was automatically off... I was like "what if I like the dude" he was soooo upset because I acted like I was still interested in the other guy and possibly him even if the other girl wasn't involved (just to **** him off) and it did!!!!! WOW was he sooooo jealous.. but if he would of like the other girl involved he would of did stuff with her that night and wouldn't have minded one bit if I did...... They are just selfish
Because they are soooo insecure and think another man's you know wat is going to be bigger then their own
They want to have their cake and eat it too. You and another chick. But they never want to think of their girlfriend's getting it on with another dude especially in front of them............... They are sooo afraid of losing what they have for someone bigger or better yet the jerks want to have another girl join us in the bedroom are they totally stupid or do they think we are?
Me and my boyfriend were going to swing. We met up with another couple he didn't like the other girl right away so the deal was automatically off... I was like "what if I like the dude" he was soooo upset because I acted like I was still interested in the other guy and possibly him even if the other girl wasn't involved (just to **** him off) and it did!!!!! WOW was he sooooo jealous.. but if he would of like the other girl involved he would of did stuff with her that night and wouldn't have minded one bit if I did...... They are just selfish
Don't generalize it as being insecure. Just because you don't wish for another man to join the bed, does not make you insecure. And the size very rarely has anything to do with it, what so ever.
Relationships are not made to be like Denny's: Always Open.
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yet the jerks want to have another girl join us in the bedroom are they totally stupid or do they think we are?
