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Of course there is no factual basis for being attracted to someone. Attraction is not a logical process, which is why when people try to explain being attracted to one person an not another it usually makes no sense. The underlined and bolded portions of your post are a bit confusing for me. How is it prejudice to not be attracted to someone? And what is self serving in this situation? And what double standard? Folks are under no obligation to be attracted to any specific person or have a relationship with someone they don't want to be with. I'm not attacking your stance/opinion. I just don't understand it
I can tell you exactly why I find one woman attractive over another
I can tell you exactly why I find one woman attractive over another
EITHER:
I think she's more beautiful.
OR:
I prefer the way she treats me.
I don't believe it's 100% logical. While yes, we can think x woman is prettier than y woman, sometimes there is no rational explanation why we like somebody.
Yes, and if I know the guy I can usually see it as well. These guys have glaring personality defects such as hatred of women and self-loathing. All of the guys who I know personally and think are genuinely 'nice guys' have NO problem getting girls. But they themselves go for nice girls, not train wrecks waiting to happen.
It's simple. There are 2 kinds of women who like jerks:
1. Emotionally immature. These women easily fall for false charm. They don't realize the guy is a jerk until later.
2. Misguided. These are women who think they can 'fix' broken men. They know a guy has major personality flaws and that's why they choose him. These women are an emotional mess themselves and best avoided altogether.
Admittedly there are lots of women in those 2 groups. But there are at least as many women who are mature and nice themselves, and those are the ones who like nice guys.
Or they have some kind of emotional/self-esteem issues that leads them into dating jerks.
I can tell you exactly why I find one woman attractive over another
EITHER: I think she's more beautiful.
OR:
I prefer the way she treats me.
The bolded bit is what I was thinking of. I always find it hard to explain why I think someone is better looking/more sexually appealing than someone else. They just are. The OR bit is much easier to explain
Quote:
Originally Posted by samston
I don't believe it's 100% logical. While yes, we can think x woman is prettier than y woman, sometimes there is no rational explanation why we like somebody.
Yes, and if I know the guy I can usually see it as well. These guys have glaring personality defects such as hatred of women and self-loathing. All of the guys who I know personally and think are genuinely 'nice guys' have NO problem getting girls. But they themselves go for nice girls, not train wrecks waiting to happen.
It's simple. There are 2 kinds of women who like jerks:
1. Emotionally immature. These women easily fall for false charm. They don't realize the guy is a jerk until later.
2. Misguided. These are women who think they can 'fix' broken men. They know a guy has major personality flaws and that's why they choose him. These women are an emotional mess themselves and best avoided altogether.
Admittedly there are lots of women in those 2 groups. But there are at least as many women who are mature and nice themselves, and those are the ones who like nice guys.
Say that again cuinlalaland!
These are the facts that people need to hear! Especially how genuinely "nice guys" - which BTW, I would've even give that title out of risk of insult - go for nice girls, not emotional immature drama queens, not daddy's little girl princesses, not MTV/BET/[insert generic female fashioned magazine] influenced broads, but genuinely decent women! So far, most of the girls I've dated were probably not "playboy material." Some may have had not much T&A, were more on the "nerdy, geeky, and shy side," and some even boasted about their "after party hours excursions." But here was the similar fact: most of them were genuine nice and many wanted to have some "youthful fun."
Even though there are some reasons why some self-proclaimed "nice guys" might deal with consistent garbage, most of which besides their own issues, has probably got to do with where one is. But here's a solution.
-If you're in a place that is known for being materialistic, fast-paced, and stressful, move to a place that has a reputation of being more genuine, slow-paced, and laid-back.
-If you're in a place where everyone's stuck on the media as the standard of "manliness" and how to treat people, then move to a place where people are more independent-minded.
-This may not apply to everyone, but sure as hell applies to me and I'm sure for some others, but if you're in a place that racist and has a subculture that demeans your character, then move to a place that's less racist and has less of that subculture that demeans your personality (which I personally find to be more correlated anyway).
That way, if for nothing else, you can finally see the parts that you are doing wrong. To their credit, I don't think that for "nice guys" their forlorn dating life is completely their faults, but there are things they are doing wrong, either in their actions or perspective. And in many cases, it does take getting rid of the exterior factors before they'll start seeing the ways in which they err.
As for dealing with women, sure, there were those that gradually revealed a nasty side, but it was then when I said "no more!" And there were some who saw some of the things I did as "smothering" and "coming on too strong," but now when I analyze it, even though the harsh reactions were unnecessary, they had a point. The main point is I got over it, learned some lessons, and I didn't use it as a barometer for all of the other women out there. I feel as if the archetype "nice guy" has major issues doing at least one of the three steps of getting over it, learning from mistakes, and not applying past experiences to future relationships. It eventually comes off as misogynistic, dense, and bitter, and as a result, declines their chances of dating - let alone successful relationships - in the future.
no. i disagree with the last ~2 pages or so. even the most well-adjusted women don't go for the men who treat them the best. it has nothing to do with "the nice girls do this.." and "the crazy girls do that..."
The bolded bit is what I was thinking of. I always find it hard to explain why I think someone is better looking/more sexually appealing than someone else. They just are. The OR bit is much easier to explain
Alright I'll LET you get away with that one When it comes to purely considering the physical, I also don't know why one woman is prettier to me than another, she just is. But for me attraction and looks are almost totally unrelated. I know many women who I think are much better looking than the girl I'm currently interested in, but right now I find her more attractive than all of them put together. And I don't even think she is all that pretty! So based almost exclusively on her personality, I'm nearly at the point of finding her absolutely irresistible!!!
Alright I'll LET you get away with that one When it comes to purely considering the physical, I also don't know why one woman is prettier to me than another, she just is. But for me attraction and looks are almost totally unrelated. I know many women who I think are much better looking than the girl I'm currently interested in, but right now I find her more attractive than all of them put together. And I don't even think she is all that pretty! So based almost exclusively on her personality, I'm nearly at the point of finding her absolutely irresistible!!!
My ex-bf was the same. He was not good looking in an objective sense, but something about the total him had me by the 2nd time we met (1st time was an advice session referred by his boss to me). And before the gold-digger search party comes out of the woodwork, it was not his income that attracted me I make 10x what he does
One day, you will find that enough is enough. Nobody should live so unhappily.
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Attraction is not a logical process, which is why when people try to explain being attracted to one person an not another it usually makes no sense. The underlined and bolded portions of your post are a bit confusing for me. How is it prejudice to not be attracted to someone? And what is self serving in this situation? And what double standard? Folks are under no obligation to be attracted to any specific person or have a relationship with someone they don't want to be with. I'm not attacking your stance/opinion. I just don't understand it 
When it comes to purely considering the physical, I also don't know why one woman is prettier to me than another, she just is. But for me attraction and looks are almost totally unrelated. I know many women who I think are much better looking than the girl I'm currently interested in, but right now I find her more attractive than all of them put together. And I don't even think she is all that pretty! So based almost exclusively on her personality, I'm nearly at the point of finding her absolutely irresistible!!!
