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Maybe you were scammed... but did you stop to think that maybe she didn't turn off the truck off because she was so scared and frantic for some gas money that she just jumped out of the truck without even thinking about turning it off?
Thats what I thought initially, but according to her, she needed to get to the Crisis Center in a town that was 20 minutes away...Now if she were really out of gas as she claimed, she couldnt have possibly left her truck running if she were trying to drive that far without gas. We spoke for a GOOD 15 minutes (she asked for directions first.)...and THEN I had to go get change for a $50 from the Cashier inside the store which took another 5 minutes...She left her truck running the whole time we were speaking, and it was still running when I came back to give her her money...I dont know, the more I think about it the less I believe she actually needed help. <I cant say that I actually saw any real tears either...she kept putting her hands up to her face as though she were crying/getting emotional but I dont know if I ever saw actual tears> And then right before she drove off, she said something to the effect of "You look so young - when you get a woman, be nice to her - Thank you Sir"....At which point I thought to myself - "It sounds like she's talking about a buying pet dog...When I get a woman it will be BECAUSE I am nice to her." smh...
Quote:
Look, maybe this isn't what you intended but a lot of your posts are coming across as blaming victims of domestic abuse for not being smart enough to spot and get away from an abuser early on. If that's the case, please, I ask you to just stop replying to this topic because those kinds of comments will only further damage the very delicate emotional and psychological state that the OP is in right now. If you don't understand how abusive relationships work and you want to learn more about how it happens, please do so in another thread or in a different way than questioning it in a topic which should be solely dedicated to helping someone who really needs help and support right now. You're entitled to your unsympathetic and uneducated views about victims of abuse but please realize there's a time and place for expressing certain opinions and I don't think this is the time and place for it.
There is nothing to be sympathetic about....1) The OP already stated that she isnt looking for sympathy, which is commendable. Thats the first step to not becoming a victim again imo. 2) And with that in mind, coupled with the fact that this is an open forum for free expression of our opinions on the topic (or at least I thought it was) - why would I go to another thread when THE TITLE OF THIS THREAD IS CLEARLY: ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIPS ? Thats what I have been talking about...Im not off topic nor am I blaming any victim..Im contributing to the topic and sharing my opinion like everyone else. I thought thats what these threads were for. If this thread is supposed to be a pity party for the OP then I dont understand why not just call it 'A Pity Party for _______' .....Not that she has implied that she wanted a pity party, but it seems like thats what other posters are trying to transform this thread into by attempting to censor the opinions of those with differing opinions.
If you want everyone to only show support for her, why not just tell everyone to DM her and support her; and allow those of us who wish to speak about, welp, "Abusive Relationships" to express our opinion like everyone else?
I guess I had the wrong interpretation of the title of the thread or something...
Last edited by solytaire; 05-19-2010 at 03:24 PM..
I can see where you're coming from, but in all fairness, it seems that you don't really understand abuse, abusers, and the effect it can have on victims.
It really is a complicated issue, and it's not quite so cut and dried as it appears
In the case of your "truck lady", yes, you may have been scammed, some folks have no morals, but then again, you may not.
I understand what you mean about the thread title, and yes, you are perfectly entitled to give your opinion, but in this type of case, people who don't understand can sometimes do more harm than good
It's a bit like me going on a topic about how to land a plane at Barbados airport, and what is the best approach to use.
Sure, I've been on a plane, and I've seen a few movies, but I wouldn't have a clue.
I don't think anyone is trying to deny you your opinion, but when it comes to a sensitive subject like d/v. people are often more blunt, because it's sometimes the only way to be.
Feelings can often run a little higher. The people who do truly understand may be able to see things which the more casual observer cannot.
Quote:
Originally Posted by solytaire
Thats what I thought initially, but according to her, she needed to get to the Crisis Center in a town that was 20 minutes away...Now if she were really out of gas as she claimed, she couldnt have possibly left her truck running if she were trying to drive that far without gas. We spoke for a GOOD 15 minutes (she asked for directions first.)...and THEN I had to go get change for a $50 from the Cashier inside the store which took another 5 minutes...She left her truck running the whole time we were speaking, and it was still running when I came back to give her her money...I dont know, the more I think about it the less I believe she actually needed help. <I cant say that I actually saw any real tears either...she kept putting her hands up to her face as though she were crying/getting emotional but I dont know if I ever saw actual tears> And then right before she drove off, she said something to the effect of "You look so young - when you get a woman, be nice to her - Thank you Sir"....At which point I thought to myself - "It sounds like she's talking about a buying pet dog...When I get a woman it will be BECAUSE I am nice to her." smh...
There is nothing to be sympathetic about....1) The OP already stated that she isnt looking for sympathy, which is commendable. Thats the first step to not becoming a victim again imo. 2) And with that in mind, coupled with the fact that this is an open forum for free expression of our opinions on the topic (or at least I thought it was) - why would I go to another thread when THE TITLE OF THIS THREAD IS CLEARLY: ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIPS ? Thats what I have been talking about...Im not off topic nor am I blaming any victim..Im contributing to the topic and sharing my opinion like everyone else. I thought thats what these threads were for. If this thread is supposed to be a pity party for the OP then I dont understand why not just call it 'A Pity Party for _______' .....Not that she has implied that she wanted a pity party, but it seems like thats what other posters are trying to transform this thread into by attempting to censor the opinions of those with differing opinions.
If you want everyone to only show support for her, why not just tell everyone to DM her and support her; and allow those of us who wish to speak about, welp, "Abusive Relationships" to express our opinion like everyone else?
I guess I had the wrong interpretation of the title of the thread or something...
I can see where you're coming from, but in all fairness, it seems that you don't really understand abuse, abusers, and the effect it can have on victims.
It really is a complicated issue, and it's not quite so cut and dried as it appears
In the case of your "truck lady", yes, you may have been scammed, some folks have no morals, but then again, you may not.
I understand what you mean about the thread title, and yes, you are perfectly entitled to give your opinion, but in this type of case, people who don't understand can sometimes do more harm than good
It's a bit like me going on a topic about how to land a plane at Barbados airport, and what is the best approach to use.
Sure, I've been on a plane, and I've seen a few movies, but I wouldn't have a clue.
I don't think anyone is trying to deny you your opinion, but when it comes to a sensitive subject like d/v. people are often more blunt, because it's sometimes the only way to be.
Feelings can often run a little higher. The people who do truly understand may be able to see things which the more casual observer cannot.
Thanks for such a civil clarification of the sentiments within this thread. I dont claim to be a psychotherapist nor an intervention counselor...Just relaying how things seem from my perspective. I didnt think that everyone was nor needed to be professionally qualified to speak on the issue. Ive read enough about abusive relationships (and watched enough Lifetime movies...lol) to know how debased and demoralized abuse victims can become; how they think they are being abused because their SO "loves" them; they are afraid to leave; dont have options etc. I also know that things dont always have to get to the point of abuse if one makes the effort to get to know their partner before moving in, or making a long term commitment to them. It doesnt always avert abusive relationships but it can increase the odds of doing so.
At any rate, I dont really care if I was scammed (or not)...I would rather my contribution go to help an actual victim, but if she was being dishonest so be it. Just thought it was coincidental that so many people are entering abusive relationships, or relationships that become abusive.
I think it's always gone on, and it's been a lot more widespread than people think. it's just been kept behind closed doors.
Now, there are more places people can turn to for help, there are the womens' centres for one, and there's now a wealth of helpful information on the internet.
5 or 10 years ago, for example, there wouldn't have been as many options available for KAAC to get help. I know there was almost zero help for me, or if there was, I had no idea where to go to find it !
These things simply weren't available to many victims, who just suffered in silence.
A friend of my g/f, who she's known for years, recently bumped into her at the women's centre. She'd hid the abuse for years, Nobody had any idea at all what was going
on.
Her husband was a doctor, and knew just what to do. I can't go into detail, but it was pretty gross. Eventually he wound up dipping her hands in acid, because she was "flirting" with someone in a shop. Apparently the guy serving her had been chatting to her at the checkout. That was the "flirting". She lost all her fingers.
Sadly, she just committed suicide a couple of weeks back, it was all too much for her to bear.
Quote:
Originally Posted by solytaire
Just thought it was coincidental that so many people are entering abusive relationships, or relationships that become abusive.
The sad thing is that the police won't get involved in it.
The last we heard, her daughter was trying to take out some sort of private legal action against the husband, but I don't know if that'll accomplish much.
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Originally Posted by Gudra
May he rot in hell or wherever. The poor woman. Please tell your girlfriend how sad I am to hear of this
Why ever not ? Did this happen in Norway? If you remember, Princess Mette-Marit's own brother was convincted of assault (stamping,etc) on friend: If the Crown Princess's brother can be nailed, then they certainly can go after that f*er , no ?
I am at a nice hotel by Niagara Falls - I know one of the managers here and she hooked me up with a nice room for 3 nights. I am going to be driving to Quebec Saturday. I need some rest. I've been needing this forever.
I feel free. I look back and I ask myself why I overlooked those warning signs. I guess I just didn't want to believe someone I loved so dearly would turn out to be such a monster.
I am out of there. He no longer has control over me. It's liberating.
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