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Today I had to call the police after my husband pushed me while trying to take the dog away from me. I hit my right leg / hip on the side of the couch and fell over. I am in pain. I've been sitting all day.
This is not the first time something like this has happened.
A couple weeks ago we got into an argument and he tried to choke me. That same day we argued again and he threw a glass at me - which missed me and ended up hitting the wall and making a hole.
He puts me down constantly. He calls me a Moderator cut: Snip! dumbass, an idiot, a dumb bltch, stupid bltch, weak etc. I am never good enough. I never do anything right. He always does it better. He is much better than me at everything. I will never get anywhere in life.
He's said he wanted to punch me in the Moderator cut: Snip!face and choke me. He talks about wanting to kill people. He's expressed his opinions about hitting women being an OKAY thing to do.
He's been to jail before for assault and harassment which were the 2 things he was charged with today. That incident involved someone else.
So why do I still feel guilty for sending him to jail? Why can't I realize I did the right thing?
Why am I so afraid nobody is going to believe me and he's going to walk away "free"?
Is this a normal? Should I be feeling this way?
I am so confused right now.
I think you need to divorce your husband and get out of this abusive relationship pack your stuff while he is locked up and go stay with a friend or your parents. Also hire a lawyer and file for divorce make sure to take pic's of your bruises and get copies of the police report to take to court and file a restraining order so he can't come near you.
try this site for real advice
http://www.recovery-man.com/abusive/abusive_signs.htm (broken link)
If you are in an abusive relationship: Abusive relationships do not change without sustained therapy specifically targeted toward the abusive relationship patterns. These relationships cannot be changed from one side, it takes mutual honesty, openness and willingness from both parties to work through these issues. Group therapy is highly recommended for abusers, as it helps them to break through the denial that is generally a part of the abusive patterns. (People in denial generally recognize their own dysfunctional behavior in others more easily than in themselves.) This applies to the partners of abusers as well - group helps them to break through the denial by seeing the relationship patterns from a wider view. Certain personality types are more prone to abusive relationships.
If the abuser is unwilling to own their behavior and seek help the prudent course of action is to remove yourself totally from the situation. This is painful, but is generally safer and ultimately better for both parties than allowing the cycle of abuse to continue. Be prepared for the abuse to increase after you leave - stepping out of the cycle enrages the abuser, as it shatters their illusion of control. (75% of women killed by their abusive partners are murdered after they leave.) Learn how to protect and care for yourself. Detachment with love is difficult, but the best solution if your partner is unwilling to work though the issues.
Help is readily available for both parties in abusive relationships. These relationships cannot be changed from one side. Remember that by staying you are condoning and enabling the abuse - and helping your partner to stay sick. If your partner is unwilling to get help the only safe course of action is to totally remove yourself from the situation and seek help on your own.
It is very easy to tell someone they are looking for sympathy, because you haven't been in their shoes. Leaving an abusive relationship is NOT easy. There were times I felt like I almost deserved what he was doing to me even though now I know deep down I was a good wife to him. I have text messages and e-mails from him saying I was everything he could have asked for in a wife. My conscience is clean. I did not bring this upon myself. I felt guilty at times, I felt like I wasn't good enough and that everything was all my fault...and I tried to fix it. But now I know there was absolutely nothing to be fixed.
I only found out about his abusive past on a trip to Canada when the Canadian Border patrol would not let him in Canada because of assault / harassment chargers dating back to 2003. I was surprised and upset. I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt; that it was all in his past and that he maybe had changed. Well he hasn't and he never will.
I have told him to leave and he won't. There is nothing I can do legally to get him out of my lease unless he signs a paper and he did NOT want to sign it.
And I was not able to leave because he wouldn't release me from our lease! I can't just move out and leave him with everything, including the dog ( he claims everything here is his even though he did absolutely nothing for a whole year. He hasn't worked or looked for a job since late May of last year. I am aware that we're married and there is no his and hers but he doesn't deserve a dime! )
However, per Colorado law I can be removed from the lease without his consent because of the domestic violence and the charges pressed against him. So that is exactly what I am doing.
I am packing everything and I am getting away from here. I am going to be in contact with the DA so I can go to court whenever I am needed there.
I am scared because I don't know what lies ahead. I know I am going to cry at times but now I know I have made the right decision. It's time for me to be around people who truly care about me and want the best for me.
Take the advice from so many other posters and find a woman's crisis center you can go to. They will help you beyond belief. Even if you have a restraining order against him, he will get to you if he wishes. You can't have a cop in your pocket to protect you 24 hours a day. Other woemn who got restaining orders have been killed. Use your head, get out of there and do it now, today.
I second that.
I'll add that if there is no women's shelter within reasonable distance of you, go to a friend's. Just don't be there when he gets home. Make sure any pets you may have are taken care of. Take anything with sentimental value with you--pictures of you with your family and so on.
Are you bruised from the assault? Have a friend take clear photos with a datestamp. This friend would also be someone who is willing to testify to the date and time he or she took the photos. Photos are not always admissible, but sometimes they are. Also, even if they aren't, if the opposing attorney doesn't know his or her rules of evidence, a judge may admit them. That's what happened with someone in my family and me. She got banged up, I got banged up in pulling the attacker off of her, we both took photos, and we both got them admitted as evidence. (We won, BTW.)
Also, think about what you want to do about any joint accounts you may have with him. Something tells me that if you have any joint bank accounts with any money in them, he's going to clean them out. Likewise, if you have any joint credit cards with him, he may run them up and then leave you with the bill.
And finally, I know this is an emotionally chaotic time. Anger, sadness, grief, hate, all of it will come bubbling up. Do not be angry at yourself, however. You are not responsible for his actions. He's a big boy. He knows right from wrong, and that violence is wrong. He put himself in jail.
If you do have anger, channel it. Funnel it right into taking solid steps to get out of there. Make a list of what you need to do, put your blinders on, turn your heart off, and do it.
A thousand hugs to you .We will keep you in our prayers and please come here ANYTIME you wish to talk to us. Please leave him NOW- nothing is worth more than you and your LIFE. May God keep you safe always.
I was abused by a boyfriend who ended up rapeing me after i had passed out from a medical condition. First I convinced myself that nobody would belive me when I told them, that then led me to convincing myself that hey it was not really rape( I lost conscisnousness and woke up to being raped). this was after being emotionally, verbally and physically abused by him. It was not untill I told my husband the story and he said they guy raped you that I was able to come to terms with it myself . I wish I had told some one, because I know this guy is probably doing it to some one else.
After awhile, when you are abused you become sick yourself, you loose who you are and are stripped of your sense of self. Please, please, get help call the abuse hotline, go to your local womans shelter, they will help you in many ways. I get the being confussed part i have been there myself. I will keep you in my prayers . Blessings Michelle
I am so sorry to hear about this, Michelle. Please give his particulars to the police- EVERTHING you know about him-what exactly he did to you, when , where, his former workplaces , girlfriends, homes, etc.This is how evil rapists work, they know we women are afraid and that many MEN esp will not only not believe us but blame us for asking for it and provoking violence .Twinkle Toes or Redisca, could you help out here ,please ?
Leave! I wouldn't care if I had to stay at a shelter til I got on my feet, I would not put up with being abused. I found this on facebook and I like it.
Can't rep ya at present, but I'm sending that to a few of my chick buddies.
I am confused about what to do....I am afraid he might retaliate. I don't know. I can't think straight.
Leave NOW! Not tomorrow, no "getting things squared away." Get a restraining order against this guy and leave IMMEDIATELY and go home to your family in Canada. Pack a suitcase and ship a box or two of your most prized possessions to your family in Canada and get out now. Tell your family that you need them now like you have never needed them before. Once you are in a safe place THEN you can think about where to live, etc. But you must get yourself in a safe place first and you are not there right now.
You have stated that you fear for your own safety, and this man as a history of violence directed to you and others. You should not be near this person for one more minute!
Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1 800 799-7233. It's a free call and their phones are answered 24/7. Call them immediately and talk to someone who may be able to help you. If you're still active duty or reserve military, call Military OneSource at 800 342-9647. They offer help with domestic violence issues for U.S. service personnel.
But please, please, please, KickAssArmyChick, get far away from this man immediately!
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