Alternate END TIMES concept (translation, hell, churches, bible)

[rifleman]

I realized this morning, that the aliens who probably started this little experiment in evolution by spilling a few gallons of DNA precursors into a nice warm ocean somewhere, and who have revisited us on a regular basis to collect the data necessary for their upcoming thesis defence, may well offer some of us a ride outa here before they consign the entire project to the incinerator.

They will, of course, only rescue the more realistic, the more cogent, the more sceptical of us. That means...

only ATHEOSTS will be allowed onto that golden ship. no fundamentalist IDTrs, no Bleeting Sheeple Masses.

That will also keep the required onboard accomodations to a minimum. and when we get to their final destination (HvEhN V), we'll either be eaten, or treated as mutally intellectual beings, and we may be asked to go colonize an entirely new planet they have prepared for us.

Of course, it won't allow TV signals (there goes the televangelists!), no Churches for the Philospohically Blind, and no door to door proselytizers. When that happens, a pit door opens and they descend into "The Burning Pits of Hell".

Wow. This came to me in a dream last night, and I'm also a scientist, so it must be true, huh?

Send me $1000 and I'll sign you up. Just don't make it out to Doctor Rifleman; that schtik's been so fraudulently overused by the Xtian TV types that it's now actually a bit of an anchor and badge of deceit!

I'll be in communication with the leaders tonight, after I adjust this aluminum foil hat for a better fit...

Repeate at least one hundred times, loudly, down at the shopping mall:

I believe in The Start Times! Donate* to Father Rifleman! Be Saved When The Alien Fathers Come!"

(*Important Note: donations are not tax-deductable, in case they don't get here by April 15th...)

[Nea1]

I think you nailed that on the head!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Salt & Light]

rifleman,

You’re funny, as always. You describe ID then deny it in your fun little dream “thesis”. The greatest concern here is that you consider yourself a scientist and readily admit that your "theories" are developed by dreams and science fiction. Thanks for the enlightenment.

[sanspeur]

Originally Posted by Salt & Light

rifleman,

You’re funny, as always. You describe ID then deny it in your fun little dream “thesis”. The greatest concern here is that you consider yourself a scientist and readily admit that your "theories" are developed by dreams and science fiction. Thanks for the enlightenment.

You need to lighten up a bit, and then you may recognize that the post is purely 100% satirical.

[Mercury Cougar]

Originally Posted by sanspeur

You need to lighten up a bit, and then you may recognize that the post is purely 100% satirical.

Didn't you get the memo? About 99% of believers have absolutely NO sense of humour when hearing jokes about their religions.

[rifleman]

Reffing Salt&Light's #3 comments above:

Originally Posted by sanspeur

You need to lighten up a bit, and then you may recognize that the post is purely 100% satirical.

Thx for watching my six, san. It's always fun to see them take it all so seriously, or to mis-quote scientists as reliably as they always do.

Anything to create an imagined edge, huh?

Don't worry, Salt&Light; you can always say you got the upper hand on a syentyst when you report in to the Head of the Hive tomorrow morning. Be my guest!

Actually, Einstein reported that some of his stuff also came to him in his dreams. I started this plausible thread so you'd be free to donate if you wish!

As for ID, I'm all for it, as long as we give probable credit to the aliens, not to some irrational SuperGawd who impossibly created it all simultaneously, with far-flung places and sights and systems we, as the only god-image occupants of it's unfathomable entirely, can't or won't ever see! Especially if the Church has any control over our eventual exploration of the outer limits.

Why would He waste His time on such an "infinite" project, after all? "Chance" seems far more likely, don't you agree?

Of course those rational aliens won't be claiming the instant design and construction of the entire Universe. At least then it's plausible.

I hate the implausible and irrational, don't you?

As to my ideas as a scientist, remember: a true scientist first posts his or her ideas as hypotheses. Then comes intense research, data collection, test for fit, reproduction, peer-review, and eventual conclusions for all to see. And challenge. No-one's stopping a good honest challenge!

Millions of people have seen UFOs, even me (check my past posts). Some have claimed to have been abducted, and there's some good evidence that the US Air Force might have a real saucer or two. Pretty convincing evidence, wouldn't you agree. Against what, again, for the Christian side?

Well, sadly, no-one's seen or photo'd God or Jesus. The bible's quite implausible, and is only a vast multiple translation by anyone with an agenda. There have been no true nor credible miracles ever documented, aside from some condensation or leaky irrigation pipes dribbling from some statue's eyes, and even Mother Theresa denounced God just before she died, and she's a Saint, furhevun's sake! Not a single amputee leg spontaneously regenerated by earnest prayer sessions by the congregation and family.

So: The current score? Aliens: about 150,000. Christians? 0. I think they are losing, but hold onto that betting card; I may be wrong!

Enjoy! Oh, and lighten up; it's not the end of the world, after all......

[DaniMae1]

HA HA! I used to joke around that "god" was really an alien with an experiment gone bad!

[ElizaTeal]

What no Nike sneakers, no Jello shots?