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I have signed up for meet-up, tried to find a church (need evening services...hard to find nearby), joined several groups, tried to be productive etc. I don't sit on my hands---honest! I am an artist, but can't manage at this point to find a good way to sell what I produce. I am NOT good with computers, despite trying to learn and taking a course, and am almost a techno-phobe who has trouble with all the modern electronic gadgets so many use. I've attempted to join the 21st century, with roku and hulu and ooma and wireless connection and so on, but get so very frustrated trying to understand and navigate it all that I want to weep in frustration. That's another form of isolation some of us seniors are dealing with. And it's one that younger folks (or those older tech-savy types)who have gotten very used to and comfortable with communication/business in that manner can't begin to fathom.
Do you own an Apple computer by any chance? There are a myriad of Macintosh User Groups all across the U.S. I belong to one myself, and most of the members are in their 50s, 60s, 70s AND 80s! (The young 'uns are so smart...they don't need to belong to a user group.)
Despite the fact that many of the members are older than me, they are generally an intelligent, vibrant crowd. At this point, I've realized that I belong to the group mostly for the social benefits...if I need immediate computer help, I simply call my 20-something son. Our group goes out to lunch after their monthly meeting, and we have a summer picnic and a potluck brunch in December.
If you don't own an Apple, you might do a little searching online for a PC group. Members of these groups usually enjoy helping out those who are not as tech-savvy as themselves.
Good luck! I totally understand how difficult it can be to be a single in a couples world.
For me, loneliness is not just about mingling with random people, but having quality people I can relate to in my life - and those people being emotionally available - not just warm bodies . . .
and in the end, we come into the world alone and we die alone - and no one can ever really know us because we can barely know ourselves - but it sure is nice when you experience the feeling of being connected to other human beings in meaningful ways.
Yes, finding people who you can relate to emotionally is difficult, especially as you get older. This can also be tough if you're in pain or physically disabled, since relationships can evolve very unevenly, where the person on one side is perceived as being needy (which they may well be.) So it can be tough being the "giver" in this situation.
And of course, we all should take steps to better know ourselves. I think this is one of life's great lessons. I think that learning to cultivate our own company is very important, and especially as we approach old age and the depradations of infirmity, death of mates, lack of mobility, etc.
I would not minimize the comfort that come from a pet, especially a dog, but even a cat. Comfort is what many of us need--affection, and someone to listen to us. Okay, the dog doesn't understand, but the dog also doesn't judge. And doesn't care that you are infirm, or tired, or cranky sometimes.
I can't help but think living in some kind of retirement community where there are lots of others like you would be the right thing. I live in a place like that in Florida in the winter, and I see the women around me sharing friendship, and comparing their aches and pains, and helping each other.
When I visualized a home in Sun City, I thought 1 bedroom and 1 bath was enough for me. I ended up with a 2 bedroom, 2 bath duplex. I am not looking for a "roommie", but who knows, might be a good thing at some point. At least now I will have that option.
I thought of two things that have helped me a lot.
One is make sure you are taking enough B vitamins. It is super important as they help us to positive and happy. In addition to making sure you get all the b-vits. I take a lot of extra B-12 as is seems to be the most important.
The other very helpful thing is taking Melatonin. Taken 30 minutes before wanting to sleep it causes one to fall asleep faster and sleep deeper. It's not a drug and no prescription is required. I get it at Wal-Mart in the vitamin section. It also helps me feel better during the day from better sleep the night before. My wife takes it also as do many people I know. It is a natural occurring thing in our bodies but it declines as we get older.
I thought of two things that have helped me a lot.
It is super important as they help us to positive and happy. In addition to making sure you get all the b-vits. I take a lot of extra B-12 as is seems to be the most important.
The other very helpful thing is taking Melatonin. Taken 30 minutes before wanting to sleep it causes one to fall asleep faster and sleep deeper. It's not a drug and no prescription is required. I get it at Wal-Mart in the vitamin section. It also helps me feel better during the day from better sleep the night before. My wife takes it also as do many people I know. It is a natural occurring thing in our bodies but it declines as we get older.
People, particularly those in poor health, should ask their physicians about this or any other drug or supplement whether prescription or over-the-counter. There are some good websites as well that dispense solid medical information. But advice from people without M.D. after their names is an excellent way to hasten debilitation and death.
Here's an interesting example. Iron supplements increase the risk of heart attack. Don't believe me? Start looking.
People, particularly those in poor health, should ask their physicians about this or any other drug or supplement whether prescription or over-the-counter. There are some good websites as well that dispense solid medical information. But advice from people without M.D. after their names is an excellent way to hasten debilitation and death.
Here's an interesting example. Iron supplements increase the risk of heart attack. Don't believe me? Start looking.
Wow. This is a radical opinion!
Back to the subject at hand: I find it does make a huge difference in my moods if I am eating well (whole foods). I personally feel B vitamins are helpful in calming nerves (not sure about overall mood) . . .
I am looking forward to hearing more about what you would like - is it a romantic relationship? A special friendship? Other?
People, particularly those in poor health, should ask their physicians about this or any other drug or supplement whether prescription or over-the-counter. There are some good websites as well that dispense solid medical information. But advice from people without M.D. after their names is an excellent way to hasten debilitation and death.
Quote:
Originally Posted by imcurious
Wow. This is a radical opinion!
If common sense is radical I confess I'm radical, nay more, I'm proud to be radical.
I could not swim even if my life depended on it. A few swimming instructors told me they had never met anyone who could sink as fast as I.
Oh, I met someone like that last summer when I tried to teach him to swim. I hate failing, but I finally threw in towel when this man just kept sinking like a brick.
On the subject of suggesting pets to those that are in situations of insufferable pain, its not always the best idea, those pets do have feelings and I've seen them suffer from a lack of attention and outdoor exposure. I myself love dogs and sat for neighbors routinely, but can no longer do so, because of the constant pain I'm in; walking even the smalliest dogs on a leash causes extreme pain because of rotory cuff and arthritis issues. Not making excuses, these can pose real issues for someone that battles pain and other medical issues that limit their ability to get out daily. An agency that provides some sort of visiting pet service if available might be a better alternative to someone incapable of providing the care and responsibilities of pet ownership. It's not a simple cute thing you just have sitting on a shelf no matter the breed, size, species.
I very much relate to the OP, things I was able to do just six months ago, are a no go, much less the activities of years ago, so sometimes, I'm feeling a bit more isolated lately, but I adjust well because I'm use to my own company of which I like very much. Seriously, if for a moment you can see me that way, I live in a very transient area, people come and go so quickly, it's difficult to maintain long standing local relationships and frankly, like imcurious stated, I really prefer meaninful relationships, though I welcome the casual as well. I'm more of a loner, so its not as difficult for me to go long periods without outside contact and people do still befriend me when I stick my head out the door.
I do miss those dogs I used to sit, they did light up my day. I'm now working on finding volunteer opportunities that will work within and around my circumstances. The spread on my rear from sitting and watching tv is just getting too wide. gotta be something useful, to benefit others that I can do while on my back.
If common sense is radical I confess I'm radical, nay more, I'm proud to be radical.
I'm with you. The only person I listen to other than my physician is my wife and she's a retired midwife. Medical advice from anonymous people on a website? I don't think so!
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