Negative feedback from family, friends on retirement relocation? (marriage, relative, retiree)
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Millions of retirees live with snow/cold winters and survive. What retiree needs to go out in a storm or extra cold day? The overriding thing for this poster is that she has friends there. Why move alone to where she knows no one?
Culture...plenty of it. It's not the back woods. Symphony, museums among the finest.
She (from what she's posted) doesn't need a job. A city with lower job opp's has more affordable rents. Crime? everywhere you go.
Sophistication and hip? I imagine that anyone sick of Portland is just as happy to leave all that behind.
If your friends and family are bringing up practical issues, maybe they aren't being negative--they just want to make sure you've really thought about it. Once you've shown them evidence you have thought it through, they'll either become supportive or you can tell them "too bad, I love you but this is where I want to be so I'm moving"
Sorry, don't agree. By the time we get to retirement age we have earned the respect for any and all of our decisions, good and "bad.". We don't have to answer to anyone. We can make our own mistakes and also do risky things to live our dreams. We don't need permission, I've decided. And for family and friends to second-guess us is insulting. To ask "what about the cold snowy winters" implies that we're too stupid to know that the place we are moving to has cold snowy winters. If we didn't want that, we would have crossed that place off the list. If one wants to try out a romantic vision of living in the south sipping mint julips on a verandah, how is that any different than any other retiree moving some place for golf, or skiing, or the beach? Nothing wrong with a little poetry in life, and if it turns out realism intervenes, so be it. I moved for intensely practical reasons, and wish in many ways I'd just followed a dream. Life's a dream, anyway. To seek only rational security has its place. But we do not live forever, and have millions of years under the turf for regrets.
But when I hear Cleveland I have nothing but bad memories.
Understandably, based on your story. But your story is subjective, applies only to you. Your story would hardly be a reason for someone else not to move there. For ex, there's one place I will never live again because of my negative experiences (all subjective) there. The majority of people around that place flock there, claiming it a paradise, and it is in many ways. But if someone asked me how I feel about it, I'd say it's a great place, just not for me.
Understandably, based on your story. But your story is subjective, applies only to you. Your story would hardly be a reason for someone else not to move there. For ex, there's one place I will never live again because of my negative experiences (all subjective) there. The majority of people around that place flock there, claiming it a paradise, and it is in many ways. But if someone asked me how I feel about it, I'd say it's a great place, just not for me.
It isn't just my experience (several experiences including 2 trips there) - my ex still has 2 brothers, 1 sisiter and many other relatives there and he also hates it. He has lived it for 4 years and every time I communicate with him he says he hates it. I have never heard him say he hated anything but Cleveland.
Independent thinking = good. Testiness = not so good.
Quote:
Originally Posted by newenglandgirl
Sorry, don't agree. By the time we get to retirement age we have earned the respect for any and all of our decisions, good and "bad.". We don't have to answer to anyone. We can make our own mistakes and also do risky things to live our dreams. We don't need permission, I've decided. And for family and friends to second-guess us is insulting. To ask "what about the cold snowy winters" implies that we're too stupid to know that the place we are moving to has cold snowy winters. If we didn't want that, we would have crossed that place off the list. If one wants to try out a romantic vision of living in the south sipping mint julips on a verandah, how is that any different than any other retiree moving some place for golf, or skiing, or the beach? Nothing wrong with a little poetry in life, and if it turns out realism intervenes, so be it. I moved for intensely practical reasons, and wish in many ways I'd just followed a dream. Life's a dream, anyway. To seek only rational security has its place. But we do not live forever, and have millions of years under the turf for regrets.
Oh, my. A bit testy there, aren't we? I do agree that we should not allow family and friends to dictate what we do. But if someone we know is planning something which doesn't make sense to us, what would be more normal than to ask about it? If someone asks, "What about the cold, snowy winters?", that doesn't necessarily imply that they think we are too stupid to know about the cold, snowy winters. It could well mean that they want to hear our thoughts about how we will react to that climate, and how we will cope with it.
I, like you, am very independent-minded, but one can become too defensive and over-react to reasonable questions. People could wonder why I have chosen to remain in the Los Angeles area for retirement, as it is more common to "get out of L.A." The downsides are obvious: relatively high cost of living and bad traffic. But I don't mind explaining my decision; I have good reasons and there is no reason for me to get defensive about them.
It isn't just my experience (several experiences including 2 trips there) - my ex still has 2 brothers, 1 sisiter and many other relatives there and he also hates it. He has lived it for 4 years and every time I communicate with him he says he hates it. I have never heard him say he hated anything but Cleveland.
I don't believe people are flocking to Cleveland.
Wrong again~~~~~~~
Hey that's okay. If everyone listened to me fewer people would be moving to Portland too.
I am happy people are not flocking to Cleveland. That is a big appeal for me. I do not like the changes that have happened in Portland over the 30 plus years I have been living here. Some reasons being because of people flocking here causing fierce competition for the few available jobs, lower wages and overcrowding.
Different strokes....my opinion.....anyone feel free to disagree.
I don't hate Portland, I just don't like it anymore. And I soon will not be able to afford to live here. That is why I had been searching for a new city to which I would like to relocate before I decided upon Cleveland.
But if your brother hates it so in Cleveland, why doesn't he move on? I would be very unhappy to think I had to spend the rest of my life in a place I didn't like.
I won't go into my feelings about Portland but suffice it to say if I weren't moving to Cleveland for the reasons I have listed I would be definitely be seeking another place to live.
Wasn't it poster JimRob1 (hope I'm remembering that user name correctly) who is finally leaving Portland and posted that he just didn't like the general atmosphere there at all?
I think there is some validity to the idea that people in different cities have different outlooks and attitudes, with the obvious caveat that not everyone will conform to that stereotype. Stereotypes are often based on a strong element of truth, even as they can also mislead unfairly.
Hey that's okay. If everyone listened to me fewer people would be moving to Portland too.
I am happy people are not flocking to Cleveland. That is a big appeal for me. I do not like the changes that have happened in Portland over the 30 plus years I have been living here. Some reasons being because of people flocking here causing fierce competition for the few available jobs, lower wages and overcrowding.
Different strokes....my opinion.....anyone feel free to disagree.
I don't hate Portland, I just don't like it anymore. And I soon will not be able to afford to live here. That is why I had been searching for a new city to which I would like to relocate before I decided upon Cleveland.
But if your brother hates it so in Cleveland, why doesn't he move on? I would be very unhappy to think I had to spend the rest of my life in a place I didn't like.
It's my ex husband and the only reason he moved back was because his youngest brother was dying of the same heart disease that killed his mother. His father was also aging so he felt it was his duty to go back. He said that when his father passed that he had already notified his family that he was leaving. I haven't spoken to him recently but no doubt they are dealing with all the aftermath of his father's death (house, estate, etc...) He said he would then either move to CO or Anguilla - he has an aunt that has a villa there and has visited numerous times and loves it there.
You have friends there that you obviously enjoy so you have beaten half the battle. I'm not trying to dissuade you - I would if you were going there not knowing anyone. It really was a hostile place - people scream at you when you pass by in the car. But, you have good reasons to go so I wish you well.
P.S. Minervah & I have met when she visited Mpls 2-3 years ago. I don't think MN is a good place to retire either - FWIW.
Wasn't it poster JimRob1 (hope I'm remembering that user name correctly) who is finally leaving Portland and posted that he just didn't like the general atmosphere there at all?
I think there is some validity to the idea that people in different cities have different outlooks and attitudes, with the obvious caveat that not everyone will conform to that stereotype. Stereotypes are often based on a strong element of truth, even as they can also mislead unfairly.
Yes, it was JimRob1. I think one element is that older folks are being pushed out financially and just a little culturally as well. Changes are bound to happen and if they are not to one's liking, it's better to find someplace that is more suitable rather than sitting around and complain about it.
True about stereotypes. That is why I don't understand why people often move to Portland without ever having actually visited there first. They might find it is very different from what they thought it would be or they may even find out it is exactly what they were hoping for. But how can anyone tell without having actually seeing for themselves firsthand?
In any case, I would never move to a place sight unseen.
Sorry, don't agree. By the time we get to retirement age we have earned the respect for any and all of our decisions, good and "bad.". We don't have to answer to anyone. We can make our own mistakes and also do risky things to live our dreams. We don't need permission, I've decided. And for family and friends to second-guess us is insulting. To ask "what about the cold snowy winters" implies that we're too stupid to know that the place we are moving to has cold snowy winters. If we didn't want that, we would have crossed that place off the list. If one wants to try out a romantic vision of living in the south sipping mint julips on a verandah, how is that any different than any other retiree moving some place for golf, or skiing, or the beach? Nothing wrong with a little poetry in life, and if it turns out realism intervenes, so be it. I moved for intensely practical reasons, and wish in many ways I'd just followed a dream. Life's a dream, anyway. To seek only rational security has its place. But we do not live forever, and have millions of years under the turf for regrets.
Amen! Very well stated.
Every place has positives and negatives, it's a matter of what one is willing to tradeoff and one's dreams. Bravo, newenglandgirl! At this point in life, we don't need permission to do anything!
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Independent thinking = good. Testiness = not so good.
