Have any of your dreams changed? Something you thought you really wanted, didn't get, now settle for other. (relocating, inheritance)
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Back in the 70s when I was young and adventuresome, I wanted to take a float trip on the Teslin and Yukon Rivers. Even now there is almost total wilderness along that route of hundreds of miles. I wrote to the NW Territories and they were so tickled someone asked that they sent me 50 pages of notes and sketch maps of the trip which had just been taken by a survey team.
Because of school, work and then kids, I was just not able to figure out how to take that trip. I thought maybe when I retired I would take the trip. That is not going to happen at this stage in my life. I am too old, weak and tired. Also I have learned to rationalize and decided that the trip was never going to be what I had built up in my mind. There is also the truth that regardless of age and strength, my wife would not be able to go and I am not up to spending weeks alone in the wilderness.
I did want to walk either the Pennine Way or the El Camino de Santiago but I think now I just want to walk maybe a small portion of the Pennine Way - or maybe just a bit along Hadrian's Wall or something. I honestly can't think of any other "dream" I have or have had. I would LOVE to do a lot of things but I don't really consider those "dreams."
One thing that I have never wrapped up any sort of energy into is yearning for a particular type of vehicle. You know what I want? A dependable vehicle that's clean and doesn't have knobs falling off of it, or splits in the seat. Oh, I do insist on leather seats though, and room for my two large dogs. So yeah - an SUV. I also have to be able to pile furniture or some other big thing I might find randomly into it.
Honestly speaking, I think I could live in a very small apartment as long as it had a patio or porch area that was sort of private, where I could sit outside with a cup of coffee or tea and smell the fresh air and watch birds or dogs (or both) in the mornings.
I guess my "dream" is peace and quiet joy with some companionship - either human or pet, or ideally BOTH.
Back in the 70s when I was young and adventuresome, I wanted to take a float trip on the Teslin and Yukon Rivers. Even now there is almost total wilderness along that route of hundreds of miles. I wrote to the NW Territories and they were so tickled someone asked that they sent me 50 pages of notes and sketch maps of the trip which had just been taken by a survey team.
Because of school, work and then kids, I was just not able to figure out how to take that trip. I thought maybe when I retired I would take the trip. That is not going to happen at this stage in my life. I am too old, weak and tired. Also I have learned to rationalize and decided that the trip was never going to be what I had built up in my mind. There is also the truth that regardless of age and strength, my wife would not be able to go and I am not up to spending weeks alone in the wilderness.
I do dream of going to Antarctica. I've been very close to the North Pole. Stuck out in some tundra wilderness - very interesting.
But after seeing videos of the crossing you have to take - I don't know.....
If I was to think on material things... since I was a teenager I had wanted a place on a couple of acres with a nice barn/shop where I could build and restore antique cars...
Came darn close in 2012 and my offer came in within an hour of a lower offer being accepted... all I did was keep the buyer from making demands as I was ready and waiting in the wings...
Sounds silly but not a day goes by without wondering about it... what is worse... everything I see is compared to that place... and now property here has more than doubled since 2012... which also means double property tax...
I feel for those around me because they all "Know" about it.
Restored many cars back in the day and I still have 50 vehicles... in various states scattered around... some I have not seen for years because they are tucked away a commercial property I own... kind of show horned in... the goal was to make this hobby a business and have a rotating collection and a home...
When I was in high school, I bought a book called “How to Buy an Island.” My best friend and I obsessed on how we were going to live on an island. Then college and an interesting, but urban job came along, and the dream was forgotten. In the last few years before retirement, my extended family vacationed together on a little island in Northern Michigan. I grew to love that place and those times.
I still never thought seriously about moving there, mainly because top on my list for a retirement location was a HUGE bookstore and big library system. But then, in the year before retirement, ebooks came into their own, and suddenly you could live anywhere (with internet) and be able to read any book you wanted. So set my sights on moving to the island, and did so a few months after retiring.
I wouldn’t even have remembered that this was the fulfillment of a very old dream if my parents hadn’t reminded me about that high school phase. Now it seems very full circle. O.P., my dream was long deferred, and it changed in some regards (I certainly didn't buy an island, just a small piece of it), but if your dream goes to the essence of you, maybe it is still worth fighting for. I can tell you, I’ve never been happier.
A few dreams were given up. As a young woman, I just assumed I’d marry and have kids. It never happened. My brothers have been generous in sharing their kids, and the old dream disappeared as being an Aunt became a reality. Regarding the husband, I have good memories of all my long term relationships, but have come to realize I’m too selfish (or independent, if I want to put a positive slant on it) to happily live that closely tied to someone else. So that dream ceased to exist.
And I agree with the point about memories. I don’t live in the past at all, but it still makes me smile when I walk into the bakery and remember coming here with an assortment of family members, or see an Eagle and remember going on eagle watching drives with my parents, or look at kids on the beach and remember my nieces building sand castles. These fleeting happy recollections add to my enjoyment of life.
Last edited by upnorthretiree; 12-30-2017 at 09:18 AM..
I’ve always worked hard for what I wanted the most, and it came. But the things that were out of reach, I never tried for.
I think that most people who have dreams that are unfulfilled, have two problems:
1. They have dreams that are simply out of reach unless something very unusual were to happen. Most of us are unlikely to marry a very very rich drop dead gorgeous heiress---no matter what we do.
2. They are simply not willing to put together a plan and then do what is necessary to get what you want. I knew I wanted to be able to retire, so I got into a job which had a pension system in the public sector in a state where it could not be raided by law, and where it had to be paid because obligations like that were in the state constitution. Unfortunately it meant that I didn’t make much money compared to my friends.
Dreams have to be possible. And then you have to work your tail off for them.
One thing you have to do is know yourself. A lot of people would just go into shut down mode without all the fun things an oppertunity doesn't offer. But it does other things which just might be that new start you dream of too. You are not helping yourself if you just act on impulse and/or immedate reward. If you stand back and look at what the parts are, you really see it. You might end up with a decision which will not be easy since you have a great opportunity, but just aren't *sure* its got enough. And nobody can make that decision but you.
Taking a leap can be an awe inspiring moment, or one you dread for the unknowns. You shouldn't just jump, without knowing what risks you accept, and the possible rewards if they work. And you shouldn't just run from them either. But you can't let either the risk or the fear rule your choices, but instead open up *new* doors you haven't seen yet. And perhaps, IF you see something good there and are willing to put in the work, a really better place.
I did all the "goals" I had- not really dreams- and found out what they were and what they weren't. Each one cost me big time. I almost wish I had just slogged it out at my current job and gotten that much more pension.
Oddly, I am retiring in January. Never had that idea/goal/dream because I didn't understand money or pensions or such. Here I am, with a pension hard earned on night shifts,and that enables me to go for one last goal, which really is a dream- to live in a small Western town. The reality is that I think I can become part of a community for the first time, well, second. My job has become a community of sorts, which makes it hard to leave, but leave I will, on Jan. 27.
And if the Western dream doesn't turn out positive? Nothing gained, nothing lost. I'm sure it will be as flawed in its own way as my aging life here in the East. I do hope to have some healthy time for horses, and so far, it's looking fine. I have always wanted to live with dogs and have made that happen.
I have always hoped for a great companionship (never thought of it as marriage but something a lot like marriage), never wanted kids, and have had but a couple of false alarms on the companionship. That seems like a dream that I'll just have to accept isn't happening. Don't know how realistic it is, anyway. But I do take relief in knowing that I never dropped the right guy, never stayed too long with the wrong one, and never had an unwanted pregnancy or child.
Good topic, I'm enjoying the discussion.
When I decided that I was leaving California for a small town in OK, some of my friends thought I was crazy. But so are the prices of everything in socal. And if they knew me, they knew I was just *done* with all the rushing everywhere. I loved the slowed pace of life here from my visit and missed it a lot when I got home. Not to mention money, where my residence was an apartment about to become tweeker central. And I needed a real break from all the baggage.
For me it was simple. For a few people who know me well, it was a good idea. For some, it was a mystery why. But the people who supported my idea just got the need for a new direction, and the ones who couldn't were too scared to take the chance.
I think they are both necessary, but fear and promise must both be a part of the choice, with actual reality the glue which sticks them together.
Memories - every day stuff or holidays...hmmmm. I think both are important.
Sure, we should strive to build good memories of daily life - I think that's important. I mean, deep inner peace and joy should be present deep within us, every day, not just trotted out as window dressing for the "big days." But I also think that holidays and special occasions are important too, and I would be lying if I said I didn't think a lot about the people I miss during those special days.
For instance, my dad LOVED my oldest granddaughter so much. He would have loved to see her graduate, get married, have kids, etc. He would have been thrilled with all of that. And he loved loved loved Thanksgiving and Christmas and every single birthday party we had in our large, extended family (I have four kids and eight grandkids and two other brothers and it seems like it's ALWAYS someone's birthday!). I miss him at every one of these gatherings. And I have very clear memories of him, and of other loved ones who are no longer with us, sitting around the table, or gathering in the living room around the fireplace, or sitting outside on the patio during all those many happy occasions.
Anyway, just my musings. I'm not much of a dreamer and I don't long for "days past" or "things I've missed" because I continue to enjoy life in each phase of it so far. But I do treasure memories of special occasions as well as just daily life in general.
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