Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
It's good that the above works for you and that you find meaning in it. I am not on the 'happy memory' bandwagon nor do i think happy memories necessarilly comfort and sustain one in their old age or upon dying.
I do not dwell on any satisfying events (memories) that occurred in my past. It's just not something I think about.
And I cannot imagine living each day with a goal of creating a special memory. (or having things serendipitously happen in a day turning the day or activity into something memorable) I understand that others are different and find that meaningful - but I do not derive meaning from it.
I'm more into just having days that I enjoy. Creating something that rises to the level of happy memory is not really something that i currently have much ability to do nor much desire to do. (and yes, I know some will define 'happy memory' in many ways)
One example is how some people say when they lose a person - they say this person will never see the person graduate, never walk the person down the aisle in marriage or attend the wedding, etc - I find that not meaningful - I think the loss of regular day to day interaction and day to day regular communication is much more important than any events like graduation.
True, to each their own but i wasn't offering my take on things as a solution or lifestyle for others. I don't spend time thinking of ways to create memories,it's more a lifestyle philosophy. I had a miserable childhood and I could have wallowed in pity or taken the bull by the horns and choose to live a happy life. I can say this for sure all the happy memories and learning to cherish life and what I can be grateful for sustained me as I went through the worst grief of my life a few years ago, and last year as I faced cancer.
Creating memories for me is not about creating events but appreciating events or the world around me or the moment even at times when life hasn't been easy and having it etched in my mind. It can be as simple as the day my husband and I decided to sit in a hot tub on a snowy day , or the time we danced in the rain with the kids, or the first day I landed in America.
I don't think "happy memories" are excluded to major events and that they definitely would include having days one enjoys and days where one had your regular interaction(s) with someone or some people that mean something to them.
Exactly . One of the happiest days is one that involved a bike ride with a friend and we stopped in a small park that was filled with hummingbird moths and finches. We sat there in silence for almost 30 minutes watching them and then went and had the yummiest ice cream at the local ice cream parlor.
I've never been much to dream. I wanted to be rich and famous when I was like age 12. Thst wasmt gonna happen i knew by age 18, and after reading tabloids, i realized i didnt wabt it either.
When I was 20 or 21 I wanted a Porsche 944 turbo. I wanted one bad, bought a practical full sized 4x4 pickup truck instead. Now if you can find those models tgey aren't in good shape or worth much.
Those were my only real two dreams.
Reality sets in eventually and crushed many dreams.
I honestly thought that on my 50th birthday that I was going to see a Jaguar coupe out in the driveway. Nope. I was a bit disappointed, but not overly so.
That was over 10 years ago and now I could care less about having a sports car. I don't want to look like a silly grey-haired old granny driving around in a snazzy car like I see some doing. I also see 80+ men driving around in sporty little cars with the tops down and the wind blowing across and the sun shining down on their balding heads. It looks utterly ridiculous IMO. Unless they are a VERY young 80+, they could be a danger on the road in a speedy car. A lot of them shouldn't be driving by that age anyways, but adding a fast sports car to the mix is even worse.
They should just get over the idea like I did.
Yes, although a Jag would have been a fun luxury car when I was younger, I am now very happy to have a brand spanking new Volkswagon Atlas sitting in my garage.
I'd still like to have a little Mazda Miata convertible! I wouldn't care what people thought. I think they are the cutest things but guess I'm stuck with my Buick for now.
Someone once told me that the only reason old guys buy sports cars is because they can finally afford the insurance! There are a couple of older guys I see around town driving the newest shiny Corvettes. I'm partial to the candy apple red one.
My dream was to live in the house that I live in. But its not that great. My days of nostalgia are over and now I want a more modern abode.
Is it weird that I never had the dream of being married forever or having kids?
I always wanted to live in a Victorian/plantation type house. Now? No thanks! All those rooms to clean, stairs to climb and I'm sure the upkeep would be horrendous. I like the house I have now. Probably partly because I bought it myself, got what *I* wanted and it's ALL MINE! lol
When I was 17 I thought I had my entire life all mapped out. I knew exactly what I wanted and thought I knew how it would be. ALL I wanted was to be "married forever" and have kids. Well, I got the kids but the longest I managed to stay married was 15 years. Not that I didn't give it my best shot! So I guess that was one dream I gave up on. Well, at 17 I never took into account that when you combine your life with someone else's you're not always going to agree on things. Young and very naïve, that was me. I will likely always be disappointed that my 'dream' didn't work out but have to admit that the last 20 years of singledom have been pretty darn good to me and I am content.
When I see an older person in a sporty car, I think, "Good on 'em." It's better than driving an ugly tank of an SUV. Why not enjoy the drive if you've got the means in your old age? you don't have to drive at sports-car speeds to feel the superb handling and enjoy the wind in your hair and the stars above. What's there to ridicule?
If I could safely drive, as my depth vision is very questionable, I'd want a sister of my van. It was a standard VW van, and the drivers seats were so comfortable. When it was stolen, I had stuff in it to go for charity, but my son had donated toys. I know where it was abandoned after they stole it, since I found one of the toys.
That was such a joy to drive. You could see far and wide. I felt safer in traffic in that since I could see the road much further ahead. And we'd taken out the seats as I was going to have to move. Life was sort of in a mess then, and that it was a van could have been so helpful.
That was before the final eye surgery and two implants so I see beautifully, but the pupil on the left eye got nicked and won't close, so things look too bright in sun, and a bit murkey at dusk, but I can't tell distance.
Now, I'd probably go for a driverless car so it could keep me out of trouble if my vision wasn't working right. But while I loved my small car, that van was just extra something I'll always remember.
Geeze. The only thing you can "see" in my post is the word DREAM.
So, I didn't use what you consider to be correct word. Really??
You can use whatever word you want in YOUR post. This one is MINE. And I know how I DEFINE the word dream.
Geeze.
NYgal1542,
It appears that this post is directed to my earlier post so I should reply.
I always apologize when I offend someone but not this time. I made efforts to not unintentionally do so when I wrote the post. It just simply unfortunate that you took my post the wrong way.
I had clearly stated in my post that this is my personal definition of dreams. My goals are what other people like you consider dreams. Instead of telling the numerous situations when I changed my goals (some of which are unique and not relatable to the majority of retirees), I used your situation to illustrate the way that I would adjust my goals.
You asked a question in a public forum which invariably leads to discussions and exchanges of thoughts, experience. It is unrealistic to define the boundary of the discussion such as only people who thinks like you can participate. Yes, this is your thread but it does not mean you own the thread and can moderate the discussion. There are moderators to address posts not conforming to the forum rules.
Nowhere in my post that I stated or implied that you used the incorrect word. I simply explained that my definition of dreams is different from your. It is also never my intention to criticize or lecture anyone (see the bolded blue words).
Quote:
Originally Posted by BellaDL
I have wishes and goals but never dreams. My personal definition of dream is something fanciful, unrealistic, not attainable - the bolded words in the dictionary definition below
definition of dream
1 : a series of thoughts, images, or emotions occurring during sleep had a dream about climbing a mountain gives me bad dreams — compare rem sleep
2 : an experience of waking life having the characteristics of a dream: such as
a : a visionary (see 1visionary 2a) creation of the imagination : daydream the dreams of her youth[b]
b : a state of mind marked by abstraction or release from reality : reverie walking around in a dream
......
Each person is different. If I was the OP who had always dreamed of living near the oceans or lakes and to travel but thought those dreams are now way beyond her financial means and physical abilities, here is what I would do:
1. Scale down the 'dreams', wishes or goals.
....
2. Find ways to achieve your scaled down dreams, wishes or goals.
......
3. Never think of scaling down or making necessary adjustments as 'settling for something less'. Think of the glasses are half full and not half empty. This is the secret of my contentment or 'life success'.
Again, these are the things that I would do and not what I suggest the OP or others to do.
Thanks Bella , this is a good explanation. It's always interesting when a question is asked on cd and you offer your own interpretation and take on the question some posters get angry or defensive as if you are stating this is how they should feel.
I have had goals and I suppose some would call dreams , but they are rooted in what can I do to make it happen and if I can't I move on or recalibrate. On the other hand I have the most fantastical daydreams and dreams when sleeping.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
. One of the happiest days is one that involved a bike ride with a friend and we stopped in a small park that was filled with hummingbird moths and finches. We sat there in silence for almost 30 minutes watching them and then went and had the yummiest ice cream at the local ice cream parlor.
There are a couple of older guys I see around town driving the newest shiny Corvettes. I'm partial to the candy apple red one. 
