Daily Joke Thread (Vega: casino, legal, eat)

[The Man in SATX]

Recently, the Administration said each one of us would get $600.
It was supposed to be $800 but they dropped it to a $600 tax rebate...
There are other amounts depending on individual circumstances.....
HOWEVER, If we spend that money at Wal-Mart, all the money
will go to China. If we spend it on gasoline it will all go to the
Arabs, and neither will help the American economy.

We need to keep that money here in America, so the only way I can see
to keep that money here at home is to buy beer or wine, spend it on
prostitution, or play golf since those are the only businesses still in the U.S.!

Your cooperation will be appreciated...... http://www.stonefistwarriors.com/forum/images/smilies/icon_eek.gif (broken link)

[gwrober]

BAD IRISH HUMOR

At The Cemetery

Three Irishmen -- Paddy, Sean and Seamus -- were stumbling home from the pub late one night and found themselves on the road which led past the old graveyard.

"Come have a look over here," says Paddy. "It's Michael O'Grady's grave, God bless his soul. He lived to the ripe old age of 87."

"That's nothing," says Sean, "here's one named Patrick O'Toole, it says here he was 95 when he died."

Just then, Seamus yells out, "Good God, here's a fella that got to be 145!"

"What was his name?" asks Paddy.

Seamus stumbles around a bit, awkwardly lights a match to see what else is written on the stone marker, and exclaims, "Miles, from Dublin."



Mary Clancy

Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady's after his Sunday morning service, and she's in tears.

"So what's bothering you, Mary my dear?" asks Farther O'Grady.

"Oh, Father," she says, "I've got terrible news. My husband passed away last night."

"Oh, Mary, that's terrible," says Father O'Grady. "Tell me, did he have any last requests?"

"That he did, Father ... " says Mary.

"What did he ask, Mary?" inquires Father O'Grady.


"He said, 'Please, Mary, put down that da** gun!' "

[rd2007]

If this is actually true, it's definitely a bonehead of the week winner.. Supposedly a fake ID found on an illegal immigrant

[spursfan]

Originally Posted by rd2007

If this is actually true, it's definitely a bonehead of the week winner.. Supposedly a fake ID found on an illegal immigrant

HAHA, looks like a facebook picture

[Living Near Shamu]

Originally Posted by rd2007

If this is actually true, it's definitely a bonehead of the week winner.. Supposedly a fake ID found on an illegal immigrant

LOL This is hilarious

[gwrober]

ALL I NEED TO KNOW ABOUT LIFE
I LEARNED FROM THE EASTER BUNNY

Don't put all of your eggs in one basket.
Walk softly and carry a big carrot.
Everyone needs a friend who is all ears.
There's no such thing as too much candy.
All work and no play can make you a basket case.
A cute little tail attracts a lot of attention.
Everyone is entitled to a bad hare day.
Let happy thoughts multiply like rabbits.
Some body parts should be floppy.
Keep your paws off other people's jellybeans.
Good things come in small sugarcoated packages.
The grass is always greener in someone else's basket.
An Easter bonnet can tame even the wildest hare.
To show your true colors you have to come out of your shell.
The best things in life are still sweet and gooey.

HAPPY EASTER!

[AnthonySA]

YouTube - the irack mad TV

[Deep Forest]

WHY ?

· Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?

· Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?

· Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?

· If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?

· Why do they call them "apartments" when they’re all stuck together?

· Why are they called ‘stands’ when they’re made for sitting?

· Why is it called a "building" when it is already built?

· Why is it called a TV "set" when you only get one?

· Why is it when two planes almost hit each other it is called a "near miss"? Shouldn’t it be called a "near hit"?

· If you can’t drink and drive, why do you need a driver’s license to buy liquor, and why do bars have parking lots?

· Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?

· How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?

· How can someone "draw a blank"?

· How do you KNOW it’s an ENDLESS LOOP?

· If you keep trying to solve Murphy’s Law, will something keep going wrong?

· Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?

· Why is it that when you transport something by car, it’s called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it’s called cargo?

· Why does your nose run and your feet smell?

· Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?

[PopsGuysRule]

A man and a woman, who have never met before, but are both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train. Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper bunk and she in the lower.
At 1:00AM, the man leaned over and gently woke the woman saying, “Ma’am, I’m sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I’m awfully cold.”



“I have a better idea,” she replied. “Just for tonight, let’s pretend that we’re married.”




“Wow! That’s a great idea!” he exclaimed.





“Good,” she replied. “Get your own damn blanket.”




After a moment of silence, he farted.

[rd2007]

one of the best yet PGR