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I'm Albanian (32) and I hit on girls on the street, coffee , bars , clubs etc. Basically people here don't know how to flirt, i give em an F on flirting skills. Flirting should be fun , not taken seriously, it's there to induce sparks... People are too focused on politeness that they miss out on the fun. I blame it on the puritanical vision this city has which won't be changing for a looong time. Toronto has some very pretty looking girls though
So true. I was at a grad school outing once. There was a party with music and beer. They drank themselves STUPID, and then went to the dance floor. You could see it that practically everyone there wanted to hook up. But they had no idea how to flirt!! Guys were scared to touch the girls, and the ones who did got dirty looks and got pushed away! I've never seen anything like it. It was a perfect capsule that demonstrated social life here.
"One of my parents are Italian and as a young man I spent quite a bit of time there visiting relatives; my god are the guys there ever brazen, especially going after the tourists!! I learned a lot from them just hanging with them and watching. Guys would just grab a pretty girl's hand and start dancing/groping her on the dance floor and by the end of the night professing his undying devotion to every inch of her body. Not sure you could get away with that kind of thing here; the girls would probably call the cops on you for 'harassment'. I never saw any resistance from any of the women who seemed to enjoy the ardour of the pursuit. I learned from my Italian friends that women ate that stuff up; they love PASSION. "
Quote:
Originally Posted by lipstickjunkie
Sorry but thats creepy, I don't want a strange man groping me and my sister went to Italy alone and advised me never to go, apparently the men are extremely aggressive which your posts correlates with.
Exactly. This is how women in Toronto react. A perfect example.
There are guys you might fool around with and there are ones you want to spend the rest of your life with. When a woman hooks up with a bunch of men she is labeled a *****. When a man does this he gets the thumbs up. Most women at least in my generation (30s) still have the don't act like a tramp in public vibe instilled in them. I grew up with a tone of people with Italian parents and grandparents and know for a fact none of them where encoraging their daughters to sleep around. So to me this just reminds me out how sexist these values you are trying to glorify are. I personally think so many people are single because of this situation. No one wants to be the butt of a joke and feel used. I personally can't stand people that are full of it and always avoid men like this. And before you throw the she must be a prude label on me for saying that ... your way off.
I assume possibly more women in this city are just still more discreet about their sexual relationships especially if it is a one night stand. They might talk about this with close girl freinds, but are not as likely to be talking about this in the presence of straight men. Women can be pretty amazing at putting out the conservative front in public and being the complete opposite in private. Hooking up with these cheesy over the top big mouths are usually lame experiences and as they tend to be unable to shut up for more then a few seconds so they don't really have the class to not kiss and tell and can ruin a women's reputation. Probably why they go after tourist vs locals. Local women already know they are a waste of time.
There are guys you might fool around with and there are ones you want to spend the rest of your life with. When a woman hooks up with a bunch of men she is labeled a *****. When a man does this he gets the thumbs up. Most women at least in my generation (30s) still have the don't act like a tramp in public vibe instilled in them. I grew up with a tone of people with Italian parents and grandparents and know for a fact none of them where encoraging their daughters to sleep around. So to me this just reminds me out how sexist these values you are trying to glorify are. I personally think so many people are single because of this situation. No one wants to be the butt of a joke and feel used. I personally can't stand people that are full of it and always avoid men like this. And before you throw the she must be a prude label on me for saying that ... your way off.
I assume possibly more women in this city are just still more discreet about their sexual relationships especially if it is a one night stand. They might talk about this with close girl freinds, but are not as likely to be talking about this in the presence of straight men. Women can be pretty amazing at putting out the conservative front in public and being the complete opposite in private. Hooking up with these cheesy over the top big mouths are usually lame experiences and as they tend to be unable to shut up for more then a few seconds so they don't really have the class to not kiss and tell and can ruin a women's reputation. Probably why they go after tourist vs locals. Local women already know they are a waste of time.
So girls don't flirt so as not to be called a ****? If that's what explains it, Canadian women have a lot to learn from most of the rest of the world where flirting is a very long way from sluttiness.
So girls don't flirt so as not to be called a ****? If that's what explains it, Canadian women have a lot to learn from most of the rest of the world where flirting is a very long way from sluttiness.
How? What do you mean by flirt? Do you want a girl to start giggling at every word that comes out of you mouth while she twirls her hair around her fingers and bats her eyes at you? Most women in this city are not looking for a meal ticket. So acting like a desperate sex trade worker hustling for attention seems childish, lame and degrading. Some people are just more shy at first and the over the top nonsense just comes off as insincere. Ex you would give the same line to anyone women that walked past you so the complement is really empty.
What do you mean by flirt? Do you want a girl to start giggling at every word that comes out of you mouth while she twirls her hair around her fingers and bats her eyes at you?
Thanks for proving my point, that Toronto girls don't know what flirting is!
No: flirting is smiling, being ok with innocent advances, vaguely suggestive conversation, knowing how to show "thanks, I'm not interested" in a way that doesn't make the guys scared to death. You want non-players/non gorgeous guys to have the courage to step up and say hi? Then don't crush them like bugs when they do. Chill. Go with their goofiness. Laugh at a couple of their dumb jokes, then if you want them to go away, find a nice way to express it. Don't worry, they'll get the message, won't be offended, and will be glad you were nice to them.
Many, many parts of the world work this way and things go just fine, often very well, in fact.
Toronto in my opinion isn't a very sexually liberated city, I don't find myself getting a girlfriend anytime soon here in this very dull, horrid place. Most people come here stranded by being very homesick about leaving their homeland to come to this place where they are finding themselves working 24/7 and sleeping all-day when they are free with nothing that comes to mind to them that is fun or exciting, it is another reason why this place is getting boring for many people, I kinda find it strange that for a city this size that is incredibly large still has to be so cold and boring.
I am a 34 year old, educated Russian female and I have lived in London UK, New York, Chicago and Barcelona. Moved to Toronto 2.5 years ago and I am currently trying to decide whether to stay or go back to Europe. While my career has took off here, my standard of living is waaaay above the one I've had in NY or London (which are both super expensive and much much less affordable than Toronto) I have become super depressed here.
It seems like the city is full of robots. Whenever I go out in NY or London or Chicago, whether it's a bar, night club, a gallery or a patio, I end up meeting new people, having random conversation with someone and being hit on. Always.
Here, not only men do not approach women (and this isn't solely my observation, it's what other women, Canadian ones specifically, complain about), they also act with suspicion if I decide to say hello or strike up a conversation.
Is this Canadian reservdness people have warned me about before I have moved here?
Online dating isn't any better. Men I meet through Tinder or other dating sites say hello, but that's about it, after that initial basic introduction they pretty much expect me to carry the conversation, suggest the meeting and plan everything too.
While I have attempted to date several Canadian men I have became excrutiatingly bored after few weeks and finished things off. I am noticing guys here lack confidence. Even if I meet a guy that I like and make it clear that I like him, he will never make a move and lets say, try to grab me and kiss me. They just kinda sit there, staring, lifeless, insecure..
This is so depressing. What are your thoughts? Where are the strong, confident, funny, alpha males? Are they all in US and Europe?
Hey Anna, I am part Russian and was raised in a Jewish Russian-Israeli home/mentality. Trust me, I feel your pain. It's not just women who suffer. It's men too. I love Canada and I love Canadians and frankly... I have become white-washed here. I consider myself Canadian almost to every thing and in the process of joining the Canadian Armed Forces. One thing never changed about me, I am VERY outgoing and a very social person. I am old fashioned when it comes to dating and believe men should be the ones to step up in many different situations and not wait for the woman to make a move, unless she seems more comfortable this way and then out of respect, I would wait. If I see she is sending me a vibe that it's ok for me to make a move, I don't think twice. Sometimes, you can't sense that and you gotta take a risk and usually even if there was no "signal" from the woman, I still make my move (It doesn't have to be something sexual. It can be just simply talking to someone and deciding I am going to ask her out). I did notice over the 10 years I have lived here that people are extremely reserved here. They like their space and they use the word "CREEPY" a lot. Is someone creepy because they were man enough to voice their interest in you? or to say hello? Nothing too pushy. I have learned to accept that women here are just mostly like that... This is why men are so careful before they make any move. So they won't be judged. I am not gonna flatter myself too much but I know I am fairly good looking and I know I can take care of the person I am with and make her happy. There are no factors that should make it this complicated for me to find a proper woman to go out on a date with. I have no issues with any ethnicity, I have dated Muslim girls and we got along great as well. I am very easy going and respectful. Yet again, Toronto is not Europe. People are not as out-spoken and they like their personal space a lot more. I know it definitely helps if you plain out say it out loud while on a date that you are easy going, while you still want to be treated with respect. This will give that man a clue that he can be himself and not play the Toronto "10 dates until I kiss you" game.
Dating was always easy for me but with every passing year I notice what you're talking about, more and more. It's like our community here is getting more and more judging and reserved with every year. I love how you said that people behave like Robots. I do notice that myself too.
To close this off. I have nothing against Canadians. I like Canada and I believe when you move to a new place, you have to try and understand the lifestyle in that place and treat the people with respect because this is their home and this is how they like to be treated. For us Europeans, it seems a little funny but what can you do. This is how it is here, not everywhere but it's definitely like that in many places. I hope I didn't offend anyone.
Last edited by NoBSplease; 02-23-2016 at 02:10 AM..
Hey Anna, I am part Russian and was raised in a Jewish Russian-Israeli home/mentality. Trust me, I feel your pain. It's not just women who suffer. It's men too. I love Canada and I love Canadians and frankly... I have become white-washed here. I consider myself Canadian almost to every thing and in the process of joining the Canadian Armed Forces. One thing never changed about me, I am VERY outgoing and a very social person. I am old fashioned when it comes to dating and believe men should be the ones to step up in many different situations and not wait for the woman to make a move, unless she seems more comfortable this way and then out of respect, I would wait. If I see she is sending me a vibe that it's ok for me to make a move, I don't think twice. Sometimes, you can't sense that and you gotta take a risk and usually even if there was no "signal" from the woman, I still make my move (It doesn't have to be something sexual. It can be just simply talking to someone and deciding I am going to ask her out). I did notice over the 10 years I have lived here that people are extremely reserved here. They like their space and they use the word "CREEPY" a lot. Is someone creepy because they were man enough to voice their interest in you? or to say hello? Nothing too pushy. I have learned to accept that women here are just mostly like that... This is why men are so careful before they make any move. So they won't be judged. I am not gonna flatter myself too much but I know I am fairly good looking and I know I can take care of the person I am with and make her happy. There are no factors that should make it this complicated for me to find a proper woman to go out on a date with. I have no issues with any ethnicity, I have dated Muslim girls and we got along great as well. I am very easy going and respectful. Yet again, Toronto is not Europe. People are not as out-spoken and they like their personal space a lot more. I know it definitely helps if you plain out say it out loud while on a date that you are easy going, while you still want to be treated with respect. This will give that man a clue that he can be himself and not play the Toronto "10 dates until I kiss you" game.
Dating was always easy for me but with every passing year I notice what you're talking about, more and more. It's like our community here is getting more and more judging and reserved with every year. I love how you said that people behave like Robots. I do notice that myself too.
To close this off. I have nothing against Canadians. I like Canada and I believe when you move to a new place, you have to try and understand the lifestyle in that place and treat the people with respect because this is their home and this is how they like to be treated. For us Europeans, it seems a little funny but what can you do. This is how it is here, not everywhere but it's definitely like that in many places. I hope I didn't offend anyone.
I get what you are trying to say, your proclaiming that because Canada is a multicultural nation accepting different people from different countries; is explaining the main reason why people can be cold and selfish here because nobody here recognizes the contrast between them and another persons culture, so this is where the coldness is derived from by the behaviour that people possess here, Toronto claims to be the most multi-cultural city in the world which is true but it is probably the most somber and lack-lusting multi-ethnic city there ever is compared to cities like New York where there are way more better multi-cultural communities In NYC with a better welcoming and warm friendlier feeling amidst the people than it is here in Toronto where you have people who stick to their own people and their own culture and are not really interested in fitting in with other people's culture.
Toronto in my opinion isn't a very sexually liberated city, I don't find myself getting a girlfriend anytime soon here in this very dull, horrid place. Most people come here stranded by being very homesick about leaving their homeland to come to this place where they are finding themselves working 24/7 and sleeping all-day when they are free with nothing that comes to mind to them that is fun or exciting, it is another reason why this place is getting boring for many people, I kinda find it strange that for a city this size that is incredibly large still has to be so cold and boring.
That may be your experience. I have immigrant friends here over 10 years that like it a lot and fit in great here. Not everyone is going to "gel" with any place. That's the case for every place, though.
Of my two closest immigrant friends who have stayed here the longest, they have taken opposite approaches. The first, I was her first Canadian friend when she moved here from Romania, and although she loved it, she really loved it once she found her "tribe" of fellow Romanians to hang out with. Now there's a big group of them.
The other, my bestie, her, her brother and sister all completely integrated into Canadian culture and you wouldn't know they're immigrants unless they volunteered this information (they're from the Middle East). So her younger sister married a Canadian (born and bred), her younger brother is still in school studying to be a doctor and he also plays guitar, and she herself is the most well-connected person I know. She makes friends literally everywhere she goes. It helps that she looks like Princess Jasmine, though.
So I guess I suspect that you either need to find your own "tribe" of people from your home country, start hanging around coworkers outside of work, or else go to the bars where Canadians hang out and enmesh yourself with them. Friends and an active social life don't just happen to people, you have to do a little bit of legwork.
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and my sister went to Italy alone and advised me never to go, apparently the men are extremely aggressive which your posts correlates with.
Flirt ... how?
