Deep inside, would women prefer taking care of children or working? (college degree, careers)
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25 plus years ago, when my kids were young, all I heard for working mothers was criticism and disdain. The neighborhood we lived in then was full of stay at home moms. These moms were the homeroom mothers, Girl Scout and 4-H Leaders, active with the PTA. Then there were those of us who "worked"...and we were accused by some vocal militants on the block of being "women's libbers" (exact words) or neglecting our kids so we could "set the world on fire" (exact words). I didn't WANT to work, I didn't have much choice. We always lived within our means. We lived in an unspectacular townhouse (with a mortgage) and drove unspectacular vehicles (with car payments). It took two incomes to stay afloat. I was never a feminist...and was never ambitious or wanted a career. Working as a secretary isn't exactly "setting the world on fire".
I now work as a cafeteria cook in a high school. We moved to a rural area, and our house is paid off (it was cheaper than the townhouse, and is much bigger). I work as much as I want/need to, but have a lot of time off...almost three months during the summer, long Easter, Christmas, and Thanksgiving breaks, etc. I work when school is in session, and take care of my grandkids during the time I'm off...so my oldest DD can be ambitious and grown the family business. There are THREE incomes between her and her DH...she runs a business, he runs a business on the side AND has a full time job.
When I'm not taking care of the kids, DD takes them to work with her, where she has a sitter come in three mornings a week. But they prefer being at home, with a SAH Grandma.
Last edited by Mrs. Skeffington; 05-26-2018 at 09:38 AM..
Deep inside ~ it depends on the woman and likely her earning capacity.
I will say being a working Mom was especially hard in the summer when all my SAH friends were hanging out at the pool with their kids. Summer was the time I was jealous.
But I had so many great experiences at work throughout my career . . . I'm not sure I would have given that up either.
I worked at home off an on through out the years - depending on the job I was doing - so I had it easier than a lot of Mom's. I was able to be on the PTA board; particpate in field trips; take part in the car pool, etc.
Two of those SAH Moms ended up in dire financial straights. With no education, and no work experience, one of them is cleaning houses today.
There is no right answer. One never knows what life will bring.
Two of those SAH Moms ended up in dire financial straights. With no education, and no work experience, one of them is cleaning houses today. .
Interesting. A lot of the working parents at my child's school do work like this. Most of them work in restaurants (server jobs) or cashiering at Target, Kroger, etc. So perhaps those SAH moms you knew would have been doing the same type of job if they had worked when their children were young.
It depends ENTIRELY on the woman. Some women would love to not work and just stay home and take care of the kids, but that would drive other women crazy.
I worked the whole time my children were growing up. I had to because I was the sole provider (ex was not the best at keeping a job before or after our divorce). Even though I had to work, I never even considered being a stay at home mom. It was never something I wanted to do. My kids would have driven me insane.
FYI - both my kids are well adjusted adults that are doing much better in their careers and lives than I have. I don't think they lost out on anything by me working. I also worked a 9-5 job (no evenings or weekends) so I was still home with them quite a lot.
Interesting. A lot of the working parents at my child's school do work like this. Most of them work in restaurants (server jobs) or cashiering at Target, Kroger, etc. So perhaps those SAH moms you knew would have been doing the same type of job if they had worked when their children were young.
I know one SAHM that cleaned apartments here and there and that was fine with her. It gave her money and freedom.
I also know the woman who ended up in dire financial straights - after being a fairly wealthy wife/mother - HATES cleaning houses and calls me crying all the time.
It's one thing if it's your choice and another if it's all you can find.
I’ve done both. I was home for 12 years, and while it was fun for the first 3 or 4 years, I couldn’t wait to go back to work. I’m more productive and feel better about myself, and it helps that I have a job I love that suits my personality.
It would be better if the married couple were on the same page in their family goals.....the women stay home to raise and nurture children ( not day care) and the man provides for the family. Raise decent and moral children and perhaps there would not be such damaged kids later in their life. I believe school shooters are screwed up from a messed up upbringing.
Women...you cannot “have it all”. Pick one. Career( work) or raise good people. And I have felt this way for over 40 years even during the feminist rants in the 70’s.
There should not be a scorecard (equality?) Get the job done.
Go ahead and rip me now. ...I can take it.
I'm a woman and I agree with you 100%. I don't think it's a coincidence that a lot of problems in this country started when children were left home alone (latchkey kids) or in daycare 10 hours a day.
I know one SAHM that cleaned apartments here and there and that was fine with her. It gave her money and freedom.
I also know the woman who ended up in dire financial straights - after being a fairly wealthy wife/mother - HATES cleaning houses and calls me crying all the time.
.
It's a myth that SAHMs are mostly uneducated with no skills. Many SAHMs return to real careers later on, in spite of what people think. All the former SAHMs I know are working and they aren't cleaning houses or anything like that. Many of them went back to school to get teaching certifications, nursing, therapy, etc. Others went into real estate. I don't know the "housemaid" former SAHMs you are talking about.
Most of the women I know who live in poverty, were never married or had kids.
I'll only speak for myself here. I definitely want to be a SAHM. I could manage it because I get a monthly stipend from an inheritance, ( not a vast amount, but enough to get by nicely) but if I didn't get that money I don't think it would fair if he was out there killing himself trying to support a family on his own.... especially with the number of kids that I want. Lol
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