Deep inside, would women prefer taking care of children or working? (employment, 2015)
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I'm a woman and I agree with you 100%. I don't think it's a coincidence that a lot of problems in this country started when children were left home alone (latchkey kids) or in daycare 10 hours a day.
Yeah...it's too bad the dads didn't start pitching in more. They liked the extra money coming in but not many wanted to help pick up the slack so moms ended up doing two jobs.
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I agree this is very individual in the case of both men and women, but I would have to say I strongly disagree that most men would like to stay home with several small children instead of working outside the home, away from the children for the better part of the day. And when they are with the children they prefer the mom or grandma be present to do the bulk of childcare.
Men love their kids, and love playing with them, but by and large don't really enjoy doing primary care of preschoolers full time.
Slide one of this presentation. Women have boobs and men don't.
Slide two. A picture of kindergarten teachers at an elementary school. There are no men.
Slide three. A picture of high school senior year teachers. There are lots of men.
Slide four. A picture of college professors. Most are men. Proving, men don't dislike teaching, they just don't like to be around 5 year olds full time.
I think families would be better off if one parent were to stay home most of the time. I haven't had the life experience to know which I would prefer personally. I think my husband would be better at staying home with the kids than I would, but again that is mere speculation as we've never had that opportunity.
One of the privileges that are afforded to women is that they have a choice in this matter. I would argue that men have less of a choice in this matter. Being a stay at home dad is really frowned upon in most cultures.
I attempt to view this issue objectively. I've always been a working man, so I know what sort of personal fulfillment is derived from working. I think the personal fulfillment derived from raising a child is much greater than the fulfillment derived at work. I would think that a woman who is afforded the option to take care of children full time would choose to take care of children full time. Culturally, we really should applaud for going this path, and I think it produces the best outcomes for children.
I have always preferred to date women that were not Type A, career oriented women. A lot of working women are not even good in the boyfriend-girlfriend childless phase, let alone a relationship phase that involved children. Have any of you ever tried to go on a date with a female lawyer? Years ago, before I stopped using online dating sites/apps, occasionally I'd interact with a female lawyer and they'd never be able to go on a date, or they'd want to see you for a drink in 3 weeks.
So if you were married to a stay-at-home wife, who took care of the kids and didn't have a vocation/profession, and you "fired" her in your older years...would you be prepared to pay her alimony, since she would have no good way to earn a living, having spent her life not working a job? That's what men used to have to do in the old days, because women had no good way to earn a living. The law recognized the value the woman had in the marriage. Now, though, there is no alimony in the states I'm aware of (which are community property states). She'd get half the property, half the debts, and then you pay her a salary for the rest of her life? Or maybe until Social Security, at which point you can reduce the payments, since she'd get some SS based on your work record?
Women need to protect themselves against this and other eventualities. It's a real liability not to be able to make a good living. I've witnessed this firsthand, and it's not pretty. Despite the loving husband's good intentions, things change drastically when he marries his gf, who is whispering in his ear in bed. The first family fades in the distance. They are the past, particularly the wife.
I agree this is very individual in the case of both men and women, but I would have to say I strongly disagree that most men would like to stay home with several small children instead of working outside the home, away from the children for the better part of the day. And when they are with the children they prefer the mom or grandma be present to do the bulk of childcare.
Men love their kids, and love playing with them, but by and large don't really enjoy doing primary care of preschoolers full time.
Slide one of this presentation. Women have boobs and men don't.
Slide two. A picture of kindergarten teachers at an elementary school. There are no men.
Slide three. A picture of high school senior year teachers. There are lots of men.
Slide four. A picture of college professors. Most are men. Proving, men don't dislike teaching, they just don't like to be around 5 year olds full time.
I think the gender of teachers is not because they don't want to do certain jobs. It's that the pay is too low for them, as well as the status.
Being a professor in college has status and good pay. Being a kindergarten teach has low status and pay. But to be fair, a kindergarten teacher isn't teaching calculus, either.
I think also parents trust their young kids more with females than with males. Young kids need to be tended to and closely watched and treated gently. In some ways, it's a harder job with real risk. One mistake, and a child could get hurt. But we don't regard it with the status of teachers of college students or even high school students.
All but one of my high school students was female. I didn't know that men flooded that job market. That's a good thing.
My DH helps out a lot with the kids, running them to practice, playing, helping with homework, cooking dinner (yes he loves to cook), etc. However, when I had surgery and he had to do it ALL including cleaning the house, laundry, grocery shopping, etc., he said he would rather work and leave all that to me!!
I worked full time (50hrs +) before we had kids. When they were born I became a SAHM because I was fortunate enough to do so financially and I wanted to be there for my kids when they were young. When they all went to school all day I got a part time job during the hours they were in school. I can also work from home if they are off or sick. I understand this doesn't work for all, but it works for us!
Setting aside this social perceived necessity to bring home the bacon. Most adults would rather not work at all. But instead contribute to a cause or a life style.
By n large an adult who has chosen to parent already has the desire to set the healthy foundation for the offspring.
As a female I must have something quirky...because I absolutely loved being a mom ...from carrying them in the womb to seeing them grow into gentlemen.
My ex hubby loved and was far more attune to parenting. Yet he loved and enjoyed his profession too ..
He was more balanced in that way.
Men and women can be equal but are not the same. We are very different in many ways.
I don't agree that it's a good thing.
When it's a true choice, I may agree with you. But, the proof that it is not - is that anyone's SSA retirement benefits are based only on their own work credits. There is no credit for staying home, while someone else is the breadwinner.
So, if that person isn't able to stay married to the bread winner for 10 years, they don't get their spouse's SSA retirement benefits.
And if the bread winner decides to leave them for someone else, they get no credits for the years they stayed home, while the bread winner was able to rack up work credits towards their own retirement benefits that they don't have to share.
So, it's actually dangerous, as far as thinking ahead towards retirement, for someone to give up their ability to earn their own work credits.
This is above and beyond any alimony that may be supposedly allocated by a court. Because alimony is only as good as the ability to collect it.
And even then, it usually can be stopped, if the ex-spouse decides to get married again.
So he (and usually - she) gets scr$wed.
If he/she is smart, they won't buy the supposed greater noble calling of staying at home.
Now, if we change the laws so that the person who stays home with the kids gets equal retirement benefits as the other person who helped create the children, or that that same person was not allowed to divorce the person who stayed home, or get out of sharing their retirement benefits, etc., etc., - then - maybe it wouldn't be such a bad deal.
As a society, we can't even agree on what's best for children.
Until there's a consensus that infants and toddlers develop better at home instead of daycare, no one will prioritize laws that encourage or protect stay-at-home parents.
We don't have much parental leave and we don't have protections anymore in the divorce laws.
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