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This is above and beyond any alimony that may be supposedly allocated by a court. Because alimony is only as good as the ability to collect it.
And even then, it usually can be stopped, if the ex-spouse decides to get married again.
So he (and usually - she) gets scr$wed.
If he/she is smart, they won't buy the supposed greater noble calling of staying at home.
.
I'm a SAHM but I don't even believe in alimony. I would only expect my spouse to pay child support if we still had children under 18. I'd go back to work to support myself.
So if you were married to a stay-at-home wife, who took care of the kids and didn't have a vocation/profession, and you "fired" her in your older years...would you be prepared to pay her alimony, since she would have no good way to earn a living, having spent her life not working a job? That's what men used to have to do in the old days, because women had no good way to earn a living. The law recognized the value the woman had in the marriage. Now, though, there is no alimony in the states I'm aware of (which are community property states). She'd get half the property, half the debts, and then you pay her a salary for the rest of her life? Or maybe until Social Security, at which point you can reduce the payments, since she'd get some SS based on your work record?
Women need to protect themselves against this and other eventualities. It's a real liability not to be able to make a good living. I've witnessed this firsthand, and it's not pretty. Despite the loving husband's good intentions, things change drastically when he marries his gf, who is whispering in his ear in bed. The first family fades in the distance. They are the past, particularly the wife.
Marriage is a greater risk to men. Women initiate most divorces and the men end up getting royally screwed financially, losing a lot of accumulated wealth. Men are still paying alimony today. The family court system is very anti-male. Of course, this part of reality was conveniently left out of your analysis.
I'll agree that not working is a liability for a woman if things go wrong, but it's a narrow perspective. Instead, we have a very sick culture that views romantic relationships and families as disposable. Much of the reason that this discussion is happening is because of the consequences of the sexual revolution and the dismantling of a patriarchy and family-centric society. This is less of a "Work and Employment" board discussion and more of a cultural or "Relationships" board discussion.
I think the blueprint that fit the needs of both sexes better was one where the man worked, the woman stayed at home with the family or worked a feminine oriented, lower stress job if childless, and the culture celebrated the nuclear family. I know from being a worker that it is difficult to be both a worker and run a household. As a male, I'm expected by women to be a wage earner and a household leader, and if I'm going to do that, I need a woman to be supportive of my needs. I need a woman who is going to be loving and make me feel appreciated for my efforts. It's more difficult for that to happen when a woman works as high stress of a job as I work.
When my first child was born, I couldn't afford to stay home, so I continued to work. I arranged it with my employer that I'd work about 30 hours per week. When my son was 18 months old, I was able to quit working and stay home full-time, which I did until he was 7 and my daughter was 5. At that point, we were struggling (this was in 2008, during the recession). I knew I didn't want to go back to work fulltime, so I started my own copywriting business from home. It started with me making maybe $100 or so per week... mainly grocery money. A decade later, I make half of our household income and I still work from home. We homeschool, so it's been important that there be a parent home full-time.
I would say that most women would like to stay home with their young babies, at least for more than the typical six or 12 weeks. Some women would like to return to work but cannot afford daycare. And others would like to stay home but cannot afford the reduction in their income. There are benefits and drawbacks to both.
Marriage is a greater risk to men. Women initiate most divorces and the men end up getting royally screwed financially, losing a lot of accumulated wealth. Men are still paying alimony today. The family court system is very anti-male. Of course, this part of reality was conveniently left out of your analysis.
I'll agree that not working is a liability for a woman if things go wrong, but it's a narrow perspective. Instead, we have a very sick culture that views romantic relationships and families as disposable. Much of the reason that this discussion is happening is because of the consequences of the sexual revolution and the dismantling of a patriarchy and family-centric society. This is less of a "Work and Employment" board discussion and more of a cultural or "Relationships" board discussion.
I think the blueprint that fit the needs of both sexes better was one where the man worked, the woman stayed at home with the family or worked a feminine oriented, lower stress job if childless, and the culture celebrated the nuclear family. I know from being a worker that it is difficult to be both a worker and run a household. As a male, I'm expected by women to be a wage earner and a household leader, and if I'm going to do that, I need a woman to be supportive of my needs. I need a woman who is going to be loving and make me feel appreciated for my efforts. It's more difficult for that to happen when a woman works as high stress of a job as I work.
That’s the blueprint which suits your preference and needs. My husband is the exact opposite: he hated the pressure of being the sole source of income, and I eventually began to hate being in the domestic sphere when I could be earning a steady paycheck and lighten the financial burden on him. We’re both happier as a dual-career couple.
Deep inside, would you ever ask a man the same question? And if not, why would you ask the same of women?
Whaaa???? "Women" are human beings.....NOT created out of cookie cutter genetics. Everyone has preferences. What works for some...may in no way work for others.
I was agreeing with you by the way-ALStafford. Disagreeing with the OP.
It's a myth that SAHMs are mostly uneducated with no skills. Many SAHMs return to real careers later on, in spite of what people think. All the former SAHMs I know are working and they aren't cleaning houses or anything like that. Many of them went back to school to get teaching certifications, nursing, therapy, etc. Others went into real estate. I don't know the "housemaid" former SAHMs you are talking about.
Most of the women I know who live in poverty, were never married or had kids.
Good for you.
Here's a tip - chit happens. You can be on top of the world one day and on the bottom the next - depending on how well your husband manages his finances. If he falls - you fall with him. IF, at that point, you are 58 years old with zero skills, zero degree, and haven't worked in 30 years - great luck finding a salary that you can live on.
Please stop telling me that what I saw happen - didn't happen.
Death happens, Divorce happens, and bankruptcy happens. IF it happens when the woman is young enough to find a great job - that's great. IF one gets traded in for a newer model anytime over the age of 55 - great luck finding a rewarding, well paying career at that juncture.
I'd far rather see a SAH father who enjoys being with the kids, than a mother who is career oriented and resentful for having to stay at home and raise their kids.
I feel very sorry for kids who have both parents that are so much into their careers that they hardly spend time with their kids. They are carted to daycare or stuck with a babysitter until school age. Those kids grow up without close family ties.
As a guy, the money she would bring certainly helps a lot but I wonder if that's what women really want?
Nice of you to decide what I, a single, childless woman should be doing, what I really want.
At the very least, I think you ought to define your question to who it should apply to.
Or, are you saying, if I am childless, then I should only work as a teacher, in day care, in CPS, and the like?
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