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It's not remotely discriminatory - being a quieter or introverted person is not a protected class. Besides no one asked you to jump up on the table and dance. You just have to show up. My department is fairly social but there are plenty of people who sit quietly while enjoying a free lunch.
It's not remotely discriminatory - being a quieter or introverted person is not a protected class. Besides no one asked you to jump up on the table and dance. You just have to show up. My department is fairly social but there are plenty of people who sit quietly while enjoying a free lunch.
I'm a serious introvert, but heck, even I have interests that coincide with a few others in the office, like superhero and science fiction--typical nerd stuff. It's not a big deal to find one of them and talk nerd for half an hour, then we wander back to our desks or home.
What if we turned this around. Why anyone gets their panties in a knot over someone not attending the gathering, party, pot-luck, or whatever is beyond me. So what if you love to party, be a social butterfly, have nothing else to do, don't like working, want to control everyone else's time. It really doesn't matter. When it comes to accepting that others aren't social butterflies, YOU cannot be bothered.
I could go on but this makes the point. Why do the party animal extroverts expect everyone to conform to them? Why does it bother you so much that introverts don't party as much as you do?
It doesn't bother me at all. In case it matters, I am an introvert and fairly solitary by choice. Part of the point I was trying to make was that the working world isn't going to hand me what I might want most, because it is made up of other people. Every workplace has a mix of types....everything from the gibbering social gadfly to the icy-eyed hermit. None of them deserve better or worse than anyone else. Just the way it is, so deal with it, don't whine and sulk about it. If I want to do my work in peace, get treated somewhat respectfully, avoid defensive awkward relationships with coworkers and managers, and not invent endless anxieties for myself, I had better learn how to suck up an occasional workplace social event. It hasn't killed me yet. My other point is that there are ways to figure out what will be minimally acceptable participation. Do you really want to waste calories imagining all the ways you think you are being mistreated or do you want to use them to be a strategic thinker?
Last edited by Parnassia; 07-19-2018 at 12:16 AM..
I guess I'm lucky - I'm an extravert-introvert, I love social gatherings but mostly I just sit and them and listen, speaking up only if I'm asked to or if the conversation turns to something where I'm an expert. That has been good enough for my employers, who do appreciate team players.
I'm a serious introvert, but heck, even I have interests that coincide with a few others in the office, like superhero and science fiction--typical nerd stuff. It's not a big deal to find one of them and talk nerd for half an hour, then we wander back to our desks or home.
I'm this way too! On many days I would prefer to eat my lunch alone. That said, even I can put up with an end of day happy hour or breakfast going-away celebration for a coworker. And here I was thinking I was anti-social and awkward...
OP, you're spending 40+ hrs a week with these people, you may as well find some common interests. If it's truly that unbearable for you, excuse yourself after 10-15 minutes and get back to whatever you were working on.
It doesn't bother me at all. In case it matters, I am an introvert and fairly solitary by choice. Part of the point I was trying to make was that the working world isn't going to hand me what I might want most, because it is made up of other people. Every workplace has a mix of types....everything from the gibbering social gadfly to the icy-eyed hermit. None of them deserve better or worse than anyone else. Just the way it is, so deal with it, don't whine and sulk about it. If I want to do my work in peace, get treated somewhat respectfully, avoid defensive awkward relationships with coworkers and managers, and not invent endless anxieties for myself, I had better learn how to suck up an occasional workplace social event. It hasn't killed me yet. My other point is that there are ways to figure out what will be minimally acceptable participation. Do you really want to waste calories imagining all the ways you think you are being mistreated or do you want to use them to be a strategic thinker?
Pot lucks are divisive as they require you to spend a fairly non trivial amount of time outside of work preparing something.
Pot lucks are divisive as they require you to spend a fairly non trivial amount of time outside of work preparing something.
Or you can buy something. Unless I'm busy with other stuff, I make something because I enjoy cooking. But less than half, sometimes only a quarter of the dishes at our potluck lunches are homemade and the rest of the group picks up something at the store. Even if making stuff is more common, someone can still sign up to bring beverages or paper goods.
I don't want a party when I leave. If they throw one, I won't go!
Well, as I say, to each their own BUT........
........when people go to the effort to hold a party for one, to have that attitude and to carry through with such, seems to me to be rude and even somewhat mean.
IMHO.
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