The gravitational pull of California (San Jose, Irvine: sales, renting, condo)
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I really don’t know what I am asking of anyone to contribute here, but any insight would be great.
My wife and I have a strong desire to relocate our family of four to California. All I have to do is say “YES” and we will start to put things in motion to make it happen. However, I am having an extremely difficult time coming to terms with leaving my side of the family. My folks have three grand children; two of them are our 12 and 13 year old daughters. The other is my sisters adopted son.
My wife and I expressed a strong desire to my folks about 2 years ago, and the guilt (me), turmoil and anger it caused was brutal. Everyone has gotten over the hurt feelings (maybe except for my wife). We decided to put the idea on hold and just see if the desire subsides. We decided to really dig in here, and got really involved in our church and have some very close friends. I have made it a point to make sure my wife sees more and experiences more of what Wisconsin has to offer. It really is a beautiful state. Even with the great experiences we have had and the personal connections we have made, the desire has not gone away and now I believe that there is something to this pull to California that is hard to ignore.
My side of the family has said that this is completely irresponsible of us to want to move our kids there. They have kind of lumped all of California as a wasteland and there is nothing there for us. Oh, don’t get me wrong, it’s a place they love to visit but would never live there. My wife’s mother, brother, and sister have never left California and reside in Corona and Irvine. For much of my wife’s life, she was raised apart from her brother and sister (not by her own choosing). As we are getting older, I can see the pain and sorrow she feels by not being close to them. We have been fortunate enough to come out to their areas in California every year, for the most part. We try to spend 10 to 14 days at a time when we are there. We have travelled there several times over our 14 years together. We have experienced the winters and summers there. I have loved every minute of our visits with them. I have always wondered what it would be like to live there but, vacationing there is completely different from living there. When we are there, traffic doesn’t bother me, but we are on vacation time, I am not sure how I would feel if I had to get to and from work or had to get somewhere in a timely manner.
We are a mixed couple (I white, she black). I don’t feel, see, or experience the lack of tolerance as she does. In our small town of 5000 the kids have had some derogatory remarks made to them which is weird because as far as skin color goes, they are much closer to my complexion than my wife’s. But, these kids know who my girl’s mother is. While I have thought raising our kids in my hometown was giving them a stable environment, I have now come to see the bubble we are living in and the lack of cultural diversity (which is very important to my wife.) When trying to squelch the desire for California, we have contemplated moving closer to Milwaukee so that we could be in a more culturally diverse area. There is a problem though; Milwaukee has been described as one of the most segregated cities in America. For the sake of diversity, it means quite possibly risking your safety. My vacationing experiences in California seem more of a melting pot of diversity. This is what I perceive as desirable.
So, now we are at crossroads I guess. We will start looking into the job markets and areas to live. I am a Custom Products Engineer for a bar and beverage equipment manufacturer in Milwaukee. I am not a formally trained engineer. I have learned on the job and through past job experiences that made it possible for me to have such a position here. The good stuff, I like my boss, it has been a stable job, and it pays well. The bad stuff, it is not very personally rewarding, I drive 40 miles each way (80 miles round trip), and there is no more opportunity to grow. I am 40 years old and I believe this is what I will be doing until I retire or they make more cuts. My concern of starting somewhere new, is while I have years of experience, I don’t have the paper to back it up. My wife has a Bachelor’s degree and a Master’s degree. She currently works in a research, sales and marketing capacity for a company that does employee engagement for companies in and around Wisconsin. She has also worked for a company that did research for the branches of the military. She traveled a lot for that job and had to go to Washington D.C. quite a bit to meet personal at the Pentagon and also the Canadian embassy. She really enjoyed that job. However, the salary/compensation was very low when compared to how much travel & the responsibilities she had.
My daughters are in 7th and 8th grade. My oldest loves art, very good at gymnastics (although we stopped going because of the high cost), she is very good at swimming (but didn’t enjoy the competition), and is great at cross country and distance/relay running in track. She loves to run and has no problem with competing in running sports (not sure why she did for swimming though, hhhhmmmm). My youngest is the next Disney Star wanna-be. She has star so big in her eyes that she is blinded by it. However, she loves anything with clothes, is teaching herself guitar, piano, and sings all the time (really loudly). She plays clarinet in the school band and has progressed to participate in honors band extra circular activities. Both of our girls are doing very well in school.
I am trying to be realistic about what needs to be considered/taken into account when pursuing something like this. She believes she knows all she needs to know about moving to California. For her, all we need to do is decide on what area we would like to live and then start looking for employment. While owning a home would be great, it is not a priority for us. Renting is just fine. We own a 1300 sq. ft. 2 bed, 2 bath condo ourselves and it will be difficult to sell in this market. If/when we do sell; it will be break even or possibly a slight loss.
Areas we are looking into are Corona, Irvine (because family is in both places), also Ventura County..Simi Valley, Thousand Oaks.
Again, not sure what to expect for feedback, but any insight would be great and would help us in vetting out our thoughts while we consider taking more steps.
For her, all we need to do is decide on what area we would like to live and then start looking for employment.
Oh, that's "all?" Well, if actually finding adequate employment is important, that may be more difficult than you think. California's unemployment rate is twice what Wisconsin's is. My sister moved from La Crosse a year ago, with a superior academic background, a great work record, a substantial financial pad and her "eyes wide open." Almost a year later with no job, she's essentially broke. A lot of people in the Midwest don't realize how bad things are on the West Coast. Their economy is better now, even in the recession, than ours is in good times. Assuming you won't move until you have at least one solid job offer, there's no reason to think that this is something that's going to happen anytime soon. Over 2 million Californians who already live here are desperately looking for work. Are you sure you can succeed where all these people have failed? Then there's the issue of selling your condo...a lot of contingencies here.
Some families raise their kids to be independent. Those kids have the freedom to live wherever they want when they become adults. In this day of jet travel, email, Skype and all the rest, you can still be part of a family without being geographically locked into a certain family-tribal region.
Some raise their kids to be codependent and they will have issues forever. If they want to spread their wings and move beyond the approved tribal boundaries they will be saddled with guilt issues for breaking someone else's bonds of codependence. You have to decide what you really want, and how much you are willing to subjugate your potential and your destiny to placating the wants of others. There is no outcome that will please everyone. You might as well please yourself.
The quality of public education you take for granted in Wisconsin is uncommon in California. I think T.O., and Simi Valley would likely be the best choices for school purposes. But while diversity is more common in southern California, kids these days are anything but colorblind. Most seem to be critically aware of ethnic differences even if they don't disparage them. It's more of a "tossed salad" than a "melting pot."
A lot of midwesterners who move to California eventually move back out because the social culture is so different and the economics of living there so prohibitive. Make sure you want the whole California Package...not just the nice weather.
When trying to squelch the desire for California, we have contemplated moving closer to Milwaukee so that we could be in a more culturally diverse area. There is a problem though; Milwaukee has been described as one of the most segregated cities in America. For the sake of diversity, it means quite possibly risking your safety. My vacationing experiences in California seem more of a melting pot of diversity. This is what I perceive as desirable.
Areas we are looking into are Corona, Irvine (because family is in both places), also Ventura County..Simi Valley, Thousand Oaks.
So you are looking for more diversity and looking into some of the least diverse areas for African Americans in California. These areas will have only 1% or 2% African Americans in their schools.
Also California schools are having huge budget cuts. Wisconsin high schools are like country clubs compared to underfunded CA schools. A high school in my area just cut 100% of its music program due to massive budget cuts. No band,no music classes,nothing.
" And then comes the really bad news: the need to reconcile a projected $19.5 billion shortfall for 2011-12, partly by cutting education.
Here's the likely result: "Schools will become more and more like prisons and less and less like schools," said David Plank, a professor of education at Stanford University. "You'll have huge classes, restive young people and overworked teachers."
State budget cuts will make things even worse next year. The school will probably have five fewer classroom days and lose three of its four guidance counselors and three of its four custodians, as well as its health aide, mental health coordinator and student activities director. The future of student government, clubs, pep rallies, homecoming and prom is in doubt."
I suggest dropping the 40 mile commmute and move much closer to Milwaukee. There are safe and close school districts both north and south of Milwaukee like Shorewood or Whitnall. Then after work you can enjoy the diversity of Milwaukee instead of spending all your time driving.
A lot of people in the Midwest don't realize how bad things are on the West Coast. Their economy is better now, even in the recession, than ours is in good times.
So the rust belt economically beats California at all times? What are you smoking?
Heres my honest opinion for anyone who wants to moveto California; Wait for a year, unless you already have a job and can afford it I would wait, let Gov. Brown make his moves first he's talking a lot of layoff and raise in taxes.
I would play it safe and just wait to see what happens here before jumping in.
This is just my opinion. The best of luck whichever way you go.
If you have a life in Wisconson, complete with a nice place to live, jobs, family and friends, and decent schools, you ought to stay put until you girls are out of high school. Don't underestimate the culture shock and typical rebellion of teenage girls and the negative impact that could have on your family. Think of the big picture. The exact shade of anyones skin is sooooooo not the issue. When your girls are out of HS you and your wife can do what you like, where you like, and it will be much easier to pack up and move to CA. And move back if you have to.
While I see nothing wrong with telling the OP the reality of the California's situation, I'm not sure why others are trying to make the decision for him.
Yes, employment is difficult to find but I hear everyday about people are able to secure employment. Some will get hired, others get laid off. I, for one, personally wouldn't move until I had secure employment. Maybe the OP and his wife is different in that they are resourceful and competitive enough to find employment.
I'll barely touch upon the efficacy of moving to California or anywhere else in the land. What I will address more is letting extended family determine what is right and wrong about your decisions and govern them.
Perhaps it was my upbringing in a very mobile family but what was right or required by the primary unit, the immediately nuclear family, always held sway against out-liers, in-laws, out-laws and others.
You, the OP, should know what's best for you and yours, in consultation with your wife and children, giving full regard and consideration to their needs, wants and opinions. While extended family can be, should be and certainly is a factor, in the end its you and your immediate family's desires that you should act upon.
I agree with others, however, that the time may not be right at the moment to move to the west coast or anywhere else where the financial and employment pictures are currently dire. But if that's what you want and you believe you can reasonably do it, I say go for it. You only live once!
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So you are looking for more diversity and looking into some of the least diverse areas for African Americans in California. These areas will have only 1% or 2% African Americans in their schools.
