If you were me...

[threepounduniverse]

Originally Posted by ILWO

SLO's awesome, but it's kinda the same deal. Expensive, 20 college kids to a house, but you can't rent a place with a dog, minimum wage jobs, etc. If I had the kind of money to actually afford SC or SLO while still pursuing my education, I would just move to the Bay Area.

True that, SLO COL vs. SC COL... just left my hometown (born there in 1960) of SC last month for good. That gunfight near Doyle Street was the last frakkin' straw. My kid's growing up in a safer and less loser-packed community (sic) than Santa Cruz... its COL is closer to Mill Valley, let alone SLO... all for a septic tank overflowing with bad actors so self-infatuated with themselves the fact that hippies with no judgment beyond Tolerance Is Good run the show with no adult supervision bothers no one except those leaving the area for good... you might find my former posts on SC mildly diverting. Grew up in New Haven and the Irish Hills part of the South Bronx then Austin Texas in the awesome 1970s there... I know all about growing up poor in sketchy areas... I want to spare my young son that trial by fire... I'll miss the Silver Spur, though- but not the lines!

North County... you know all the places on the way to 46 East, right? Atascadero, Templeton, Paso, hell, Shandon... particularly Santa Margerita or Paso- SM because it's close to SLO and any jobs beyond MW if you have the qualifications or North County because that's the last sign of civilization until Fresno/B(i)kersfield... dog friendly rentals, not bad COL and no freakin' students parking their slammed Hondas in the yard after a kegger.

[mysticaltyger]

Originally Posted by NoMoreSnowForMe

With your parameters, there will be no perfect place. So, it will depend on what you are willing to sacrifice.

This is what I was thinking.

OP, you come across as a bit aimless in your post....like you really don't know what you want out of life. Until you can start answering that question, I don't think anyone can advise you. And if that's the case (obviously, I can't be sure of that from one internet post), then maybe it's not so surprising you haven't met anyone.

I also am 99.9% sure the answer to your questions will mean that you're going to have to do something (or more than one thing) outside your comfort zone to be in a better/happier place/situation in life.

Obviously, I don't know the whole story, but I'm not sure going to Fresno to help our your dad is automatically the right thing to do, especially if your heart isn't really in it ('cause it doesn't sound that way). It may not necessarily be selfish of you to move to Portland or wherever....but moving needs to be part of a larger strategic life plan. It just sounds like you are motivated by what other people want or by what you think other people want you to do. But what do YOU want? What are YOUR goals, values, priorities?

[nightlysparrow]

Originally Posted by ILWO

I'm terrified of LA traffic, I like bike friendly places, and it just seems like an urban jungle.

Hate to see you dismiss SoCal with such a perception. The Bay Area is so much more compacted. There are many, many areas of SoCal that have a laid-back small city vibe.

[ILWO]

Originally Posted by NoMoreSnowForMe

With your parameters, there will be no perfect place. So, it will depend on what you are willing to sacrifice.

For instance, for me, in order to quit my job in Santa Clara to retire, I had to move to Redding. This means I'm 2 1/2 hours from one of my best friends, and 4 hours from my daughter. Plus the summers here will be brutal. But, quitting my job was more important to me. I'm thrilled to have a little studio that I can afford and be retired. Visiting friends and family will be more of a challenge. There are also a lot of homeless people around where I live, so I have to be aware of my surroundings.

Like I said, it's a compromise. But, I'm happiest with this situation. There just wasn't a perfect one for me, either.

How often would you be expected to visit Dad? Would you be expected to be there all the time? Could you move to Portland and visit Dad sometimes? What about Eugene? And drive back sometimes?

Anyway, good luck to you in finding a compromise you can be contented with.

Thanks nomoresnow. It seems like a good choice. Redding isn't too bad, there's so many amazing outdoor adventures to be had. And, being financially comfortable is a plus. That's definitely one reason for me to move. With going back to school and all, I quit my full time "career?" job and moved to a cheaper place (so worth it), but I know I can do better (although I currently have the best living situation I could hope for in SC county). My best friend is 2.5 miles away also, but that's okay, I go to Fresno fairly often. As far as being expected? For me, it's, I don't know. He went very quickly full blown dementia last year. He's barely, if at all recognized me since. My mom and I were devastated. She visits him everyday. She's significantly younger than him BTW. I feel pretty helpless in the whole situation, I feel like if I go to far away, I won't be able to get there fast enough when the inevitable happens. I feel like moving farther away would be in essence like abandoning them...there's no guilt trip at all from my Mom. She knows I don't like SC, she hates fresno, and will likely bail to the SLO area eventually, so she understands my hesitation to move back. I talked to her about me moving to the East Bay last year, but I decided against the move because of the expense, and BART went on strike like 3 times since then, and that probably would have made me flip out, LOL.

[ILWO]

Originally Posted by mysticaltyger

This is what I was thinking.

OP, you come across as a bit aimless in your post....like you really don't know what you want out of life. Until you can start answering that question, I don't think anyone can advise you. And if that's the case (obviously, I can't be sure of that from one internet post), then maybe it's not so surprising you haven't met anyone.

I also am 99.9% sure the answer to your questions will mean that you're going to have to do something (or more than one thing) outside your comfort zone to be in a better/happier place/situation in life.

Obviously, I don't know the whole story, but I'm not sure going to Fresno to help our your dad is automatically the right thing to do, especially if your heart isn't really in it ('cause it doesn't sound that way). It may not necessarily be selfish of you to move to Portland or wherever....but moving needs to be part of a larger strategic life plan. It just sounds like you are motivated by what other people want or by what you think other people want you to do. But what do YOU want? What are YOUR goals, values, priorities?

You're pretty right on about being aimless. I do, but I don't know what I want. A few years ago, I was in a pretty bad place, and I decided that going back to school and ending a go nowhere relationship (and job) was what I needed to do, and so far, I'm much happier. I still don't know exactly what it is I want to do, I'm interested in a lot of things, but I haven't really narrowed it down. I'm majoring in Earth Science, but who knows, it's still pretty early in the school game for me, but I think I'm on the right track (I hope). I feel like ever since I made that decision, I've been picking up all these puzzle pieces, and they've mostly all fit into the empty spaces of my life. I've come to the point where I'm finding fewer pieces, but there are still lot's of holes that need to be filled. Basically, I feel that I've outgrown this place and I need a fresh start to keep on track. (I hope that doesn't sound depressing, it's more of a frustration thing). It's not that my heart isn't into helping my Dad, there's nothing I can do to help him anyway (read my reply to NoMoreSnow), or my Mom, who's fiercely independent. Although, my Mom will need help with logistical things anyway, but that's most likely later, it's that moving to Fresno is not going to address the need that I have to move forward/find my passion in life. And I know it in my heart, because I have nightmares whenever I look at Fresno craigslist for houses, LOL.

Anyway, you're a good psychiatrist, and you brought up a lot of things I think about all the time.

[ILWO]

Originally Posted by Charles R Higgins

True that, SLO COL vs. SC COL... just left my hometown (born there in 1960) of SC last month for good. That gunfight near Doyle Street was the last frakkin' straw. My kid's growing up in a safer and less loser-packed community (sic) than Santa Cruz... its COL is closer to Mill Valley, let alone SLO... all for a septic tank overflowing with bad actors so self-infatuated with themselves the fact that hippies with no judgment beyond Tolerance Is Good run the show with no adult supervision bothers no one except those leaving the area for good... you might find my former posts on SC mildly diverting. Grew up in New Haven and the Irish Hills part of the South Bronx then Austin Texas in the awesome 1970s there... I know all about growing up poor in sketchy areas... I want to spare my young son that trial by fire... I'll miss the Silver Spur, though- but not the lines!

North County... you know all the places on the way to 46 East, right? Atascadero, Templeton, Paso, hell, Shandon... particularly Santa Margerita or Paso- SM because it's close to SLO and any jobs beyond MW if you have the qualifications or North County because that's the last sign of civilization until Fresno/B(i)kersfield... dog friendly rentals, not bad COL and no freakin' students parking their slammed Hondas in the yard after a kegger.

Yeah, that shooting, the stabbings, It's been crazy. I don't live in SC proper anymore, but the last place I rented in town was in the flats. Someone decided to fire shots into the park across from my building, no victims and no suspect though.

You are so on point about the lack of community, That's something that bugs me a lot. I can't put my finger on what it is, but it's strange. Another friend of mine from fresno who lived here for a short time said the same thing.

Bikersfield, LOL!