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Vent, always waiting until the last minute. May 22, 2017
I know that in the overall scheme of things this is pretty minor but it is still pretty frustrating.
While my son was home helping me after my surgery I asked him to do three things, in addition to the usual help that I needed.
Two involved photographs. While they often take dozens & dozens of photographs of their children during vacations, it is almost impossible to get them to take even one or two photographs of their children with me & hubby or with their aunt or other relatives. I really don't understand it but that is just they way that it has always been. I visited for a week for my grandson's first birthday and only had two photographs of me & grandson from that entire week and both were taken the last night and both were because I absolutely, absolutely insisted. But, they put together a photo album of about two or three dozen photographs taken just of their child during that week (at his party, opening gifts, playing with toys, at the park, etc. etc. all places where I was present and interacting with him but often asked to "move out of the picture".)
I asked dear son to take several photographs of his dad playing with or sitting with his grandchildren when they visited him in memory care so that Hubby will better remember his grandchildren through the recent photographs. I was delighted that they visited him three or four times but discovered today that dear son had not even taken one photograph during any of his visits. I went along today and saw Hubby for the first time in three weeks (yippee). I insisted that dear son take a number of photographs of Hubby & me with the grandkids on my phone. So, while I did get some photographs it turned out that they hadn't had time to help Hubby shave in several days (he can't keep his own razor in memory care) plus he had spilled some of his lunch on his shirt so he looked far, far more disheveled than he typical looks. How hard would it had been for dear son to take one or a couple of photographs another time that they visited when, hopefully, Hubby looked better?
Dear daughter asked for a nice recent photograph of her brother, SIL, niece and nephew for her birthday. Since she knew that they would be visiting for a week she asked that I do this for her. I have asked several times for them to just sit down on the couch together so that I could take a photograph. They kept saying "let's do it tomorrow" or "we will do it later". Well, they have been here one week and I still have not gotten even one photograph of their family. They are leaving early tomorrow morning and I'm worried that I won't get be able to get a photograph in their rush to pack & leave for the airport and my need to get to chemotherapy on time.
Arrggg! DD asked DS to "back up" her very old computer because it is on "it's last legs" and has many photographs and documents that aren't saved elsewhere. While it is true that she should should have done it herself before she left for the Peace Corps, Hubby was in the hospital & then recovering for a week just before she left which threw a big monkey wrench into her plans and she ran out of time to finish everything that needed to be finished. Basically, that was the main thing that she did not finish. My computer crashed a few months ago and I have been using her computer since then.
Anyway,
instead of backing up the computer himself, dear son said he was "too busy" to do that and gave it to a friend of his two weeks ago. His friend said that he would finish it by tonight but did not do it. While it is not a huge deal it means that I will be without a computer for at least another week, maybe more, while dear son's friend has the computer. It is so hard for me to type emails or do almost anything on my phone. I had borrowed dear son's computer when i needed it these past two weeks but of course he is leaving tomorrow so i will be computer less.
I know that these are tiny, tiny little things in the overall picture but it is still annoying and I wanted/needed to vent. Maybe I am just still exhausted from the surgery and worried about facing another round of chemotherapy and it's recovery basically all by myself so I am overreacting. But, darn it, how hard is it to take/or sit for a couple of photographs without waiting until the very, very last minute? Or to back up your sister's computer yourself instead of giving it to another person for several weeks, leaving your mother without a computer?
Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626
Quick post. I may not be back for a week (as I won't have a computer) so don't worry.
I think that the photograph thing is so annoying as we see the grandkids so rarely. When you only see them one time a year what is the big deal about taking a few photographs to "save the memories" for the future and to look at between visits?
Last summer they visited for 10 days and we only had one photograph of us with the grandkids.
May 29, 2017.
Followup to vent. Well, I never did get a nice picture, or any picture, of my son, DIL & the grandkids. Sheesh, they were here a full week and I couldn't get them to sit together for even five minutes to take a good photograph. It was the only thing that DD asked me to do for her birthday. I did manage to take a couple of photographs of the kids playing & having fun but not even one with the four of them (and only one picture of just me and the kids. I'm in my PJs and I look pretty crappy but at least I have a photograph).
I have my computer back. DS's friend came over today with the computer and did a few odds & ends. He opened a jar of juice that I couldn't open, brought in the mail (I haven't left my apartment since Wednesday) and took out the garbage. He even brought me some soup.
Regarding this round of chemo. Man, oh man, was it bad. Except for the bathroom, I was basically in bed from Thursday until today. On Friday, I started vomiting (mostly dry heaves) and had diarrhea for eight hours. Yup, eight hours (probably a combination of the chemo and recovering from the colon surgery/partial removal/re-sectioning). I kept thinking "It has to be over. I can't possibly have anything more inside of me." And, then another bout of diarrhea 30 to 60 minutes later. Looking back, it was so bad that I probably should have called the doctor or even 911 but I was just so exhausted during that ordeal that I really was not thinking straight. And, if you think that this is TMI, I am only writing the PG version of the whole nightmare.
I have my weekly appointment with the chemo doctor and I will "read him the riot act" on pushing to have my chemo only three weeks after my surgery. I can't believe that eight hours of vomiting & diarrhea is something that is "OK" when you are still recovering from major surgery.
Hubby called me every day, often multiple times per day. While he was disappointed that I could not see him, he was very understanding that that I was too sick to drive to see him. Unfortunately, he does not remember how to answer the phone so I can't call him. All he needs to do is push one button and he can call me, but he still has a lot of trouble doing even that.
Followup to vent. Well, I never did get a nice picture, or any picture, of my son, DIL & the grandkids. Sheesh, they were here a full week and I couldn't get them to sit together for even five minutes to take a good photograph. It was the only thing that DD asked me to do for her birthday. I did manage to take a couple of photographs of the kids playing & having fun but not even one with the four of them (and only one picture of just me and the kids. I'm in my PJs and I look pretty crappy but at least I have a photograph).
I have my computer back. DS's friend came over today with the computer and did a few odds & ends. He opened a jar of juice that I couldn't open, brought in the mail (I haven't left my apartment since Wednesday) and took out the garbage. He even brought me some soup.
Regarding this round of chemo. Man, oh man, was it bad. Except for the bathroom, I was basically in bed from Thursday until today. On Friday, I started vomiting (mostly dry heaves) and had diarrhea for eight hours. Yup, eight hours (probably a combination of the chemo and recovering from the colon surgery/partial removal/re-sectioning). I kept thinking "It has to be over. I can't possibly have anything more inside of me." And, then another bout of diarrhea 30 to 60 minutes later. Looking back, it was so bad that I probably should have called the doctor or even 911 but I was just so exhausted during that ordeal that I really was not thinking straight. And, if you think that this is TMI, I am only writing the PG version of the whole nightmare.
I have my weekly appointment with the chemo doctor and I will "read him the riot act" on pushing to have my chemo only three weeks after my surgery. I can't believe that eight hours of vomiting & diarrhea is something that is "OK" when you are still recovering from major surgery.
Hubby called me every day, often multiple times per day. While he was disappointed that I could not see him, he was very understanding that that I was too sick to drive to see him. Unfortunately, he does not remember how to answer the phone so I can't call him. All he needs to do is push one button and he can call me, but he still has a lot of trouble doing even that.
The very least the chemo docs could have done was sent you home with prescription meds that would stop diarrhea and vomiting. I had that too and they gave me heavy meds to stop it. They usually worked........
It's one button to call you and one button to answer the phone! I am sorry he can't remember how to do that. Poor guy. I feel so bad for both of you. Praying everything improves for you. Ask the doctors for meds!
Well, in spite of your troubles, I am glad to see you back online - and even glad to see you mad! That means your spunk is in fine form!
I am so sorry for the chemo side effects. My gosh, that sounds awful. I am not familiar with chemo so I really have no advice or insight. Hang in there!
I'm sorry about the pictures and all that weirdness. Believe me, I know how crazy, dysfunctional family stuff can weigh on one's mind.
The very least the chemo docs could have done was sent you home with prescription meds that would stop diarrhea and vomiting. I had that too and they gave me heavy meds to stop it. They usually worked........
It's one button to call you and one button to answer the phone! I am sorry he can't remember how to do that. Poor guy. I feel so bad for both of you. Praying everything improves for you. Ask the doctors for meds!
They did give me several anti-nausea prescriptions but nothing for diarrhea, even though I had problems with it off and on during chemo and especially after the colon surgery.
Last edited by germaine2626; 05-29-2017 at 06:11 PM..
Well, in spite of your troubles, I am glad to see you back online - and even glad to see you mad! That means your spunk is in fine form!
I am so sorry for the chemo side effects. My gosh, that sounds awful. I am not familiar with chemo so I really have no advice or insight. Hang in there!
I'm sorry about the pictures and all that weirdness. Believe me, I know how crazy, dysfunctional family stuff can weigh on one's mind.
The funny thing about the photographs is that they don't say, or even imply, that they don't want to get pictures with other people or of their family, it is just that their focus is always on photographs or videos of just the kids. If I ask for a group shot they will always say "let's do it later" and "later" often does not happen.
Perhaps, it is because all four grandparents are still alive and it seems inconceivable to DS & DIL that won't always be the case. Trust me, with me having Stage IV ovarian AND uterine AND colon cancer you would think that they would want to at least consider the possibility but it just does not "register" with them. Taking photographs with the grandparents and other family was always a top priority for me. And, my children really seemed to cherish those photographs. Maybe, it is different today now that it is so easy to Skype & Facetime.
They will be visiting again for Thanksgiving and I will tell them in advance that I want some group photographs. Perhaps, even some professional shots.
My sister-in-law is now going through chemo for ovarian cancer (she hasn't had surgery yet), and she said her biggest problem was diarrhea. Her daughter finally called the doctor and they said to take imodium. I'm not sure how much, but she said it really helped her.
Maybe your son and daughter-in-law don't like having their photos taken? I think I'd hire a professional for some good shots, and let them know to bring some photo-worthy clothes! I would even want those photos as my Christmas gift.
Your husband sounds like a sweetheart. Hope he is doing well. Hope you don't have much more chemo to go through!
They did give me several anti-nausea prescriptions but nothing for diarrhea, even though I had problems with it off and on during chemo and especially after the colon surgery.
Doctors drive me crazy! We have to ask for everything! Insist that they give you Lomotil for diarrhea or something comparable. Remember, doctors work for YOU! I no longer worry about what they're going think of me. I can be pretty demanding, particularly in the hospital and when I'm not feeling well. I'm paying them, they need to take care of me. Once you start expressing your needs, they'll take care of you. Please don't be afraid to tell you what you need. Doctors aren't Gods, you've hired them to take care of you, hold them to that.
The funny thing about the photographs is that they don't say, or even imply, that they don't want to get pictures with other people or of their family, it is just that their focus is always on photographs or videos of just the kids. If I ask for a group shot they will always say "let's do it later" and "later" often does not happen.
Perhaps, it is because all four grandparents are still alive and it seems inconceivable to DS & DIL that won't always be the case. Trust me, with me having Stage IV ovarian AND uterine AND colon cancer you would think that they would want to at least consider the possibility but it just does not "register" with them. Taking photographs with the grandparents and other family was always a top priority for me. And, my children really seemed to cherish those photographs. Maybe, it is different today now that it is so easy to Skype & Facetime.
They will be visiting again for Thanksgiving and I will tell them in advance that I want some group photographs. Perhaps, even some professional shots.
GREAT idea. You want your grandchildren to have memories and pictures of their grandparents! Hire someone to take photos of ALL of you!
I also understand why it's difficult for children, even adult children, to contemplate their parents not being around. Denial is powerful!
Wow, Germaine. Hope the worst is behind you. I know you are maddened about the photos, or lack thereof. There are some things you cannot change. I doubt your son understands that you long for pictures of you and you DH with the kids.
May you have a better week.
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