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I was going to make the "big reveal" on August 1st, but I had a very busy week, then hubby went into the hospital with pneumonia and then I got sick, too. So here it is... ta da... drum roll...
Our daughter is leaving for the Peace Corp in French West Africa two weeks from today. She will be gone from the US at least 27 months, and probably closer to 2 1/2 years. Yippee! for her and Yikes! for me.
As most of you on the caregiver forum know, DD moved home two years ago to help with care giving to my disabled spouse/her father and to help me "manage the household" so that I could continue working full time (before his TBI). She was extremely, extremely helpful after his TBI, and with downsizing and selling the condo.
DD had wanted to be a part of the Peace Corp for years. It is very difficult to be accepted and placed in service. The current figures are (something like) 17 people apply for each position in her area (health care & HIV/AIDS education). She first applied over three years ago and was originally scheduled to be placed in a different country in French West Africa last summer. However, a snag developed shortly before she was to leave and she needed to reapply for a different country. In some ways, it was a blessing in disguise for our family as she was able to be home and help this past year after hubby's traumatic brain injury.
While I certainly am going to miss having her here I did not feel that it was right to force her to give up her dream to make my life easier. We are extremely close. Even when she was in college we typically spoke on the phone on a daily basis. And, once she became a full fledged adult she was a valuable sounding board and support on many issues (and vice versa). I really am going to miss that. Much of the country (Cameroon) is isolated. She has a 50/50 chance of being placed in a village that does not have electricity and running water. In a place without electricity it means that contact home via email (or even by letter) may only be once every few weeks, if not longer.
To prepare for her leaving I have been researching many back-up plans, such as emergency care for my husband. For example, he is already connected to a home care agency so if I suddenly have to go into the hospital, they can provide 24 hour a day emergency in home care, so I won't have to worry (too much) about him. I am also checking out local nursing homes that have emergency respite care sections. Later this fall, I plan to visit the ones that are the closest and the best possible options to better prepare.
Of course, I do have two brothers, and a few nieces & nephews in the area, plus an adult son (2,000 miles away) so if there is an major, major emergency we should be able to handle it without calling our daughter back from Africa (which would be extremely costly as well as damaging to her credibility and long term career plans). For a worst case scenario (my death), my goal is to have everything checked out in advance, records in order, etc. so that hubby could go into a memory care unit without too much hassle. The Peace Corp does allow someone to return home for a death in the immediate family (I believe for two weeks).
Another thing that is a potential problem (at least for me) is that the Peace Corp is a volunteer position. She will be paid $325 a month, out of which she will need to pay for her housing, her food and all of her expenses in her African village. It is calculated that Peace Corp volunteers should "break even" with that stipend (but some/many volunteers say that it is not enough). She also gets $25 a month for travel expenses within the country.
Unfortunately, she is still paying off student loans. If they were Federal loans she would not have to pay them and they would be "written off" for the period of time that she was serving in the Peace Corp. But, her loans are considered "private loans" even though she got them as part of her loan package from the University. We just discovered last week that she, or I ( I'm cosigner), will still need to make the $200 a month payments for these loans while she is gone. It certainly seems unfair that she is representing her country in a service position and her student loans are not paid off during that time, but she checked and rechecked and that is not the case.
In fact, the loans can not even be put on a hiatus or break for the time that she is gone. It is $200 a month, every month. Our daughter feels awful about this and offered to try to send money home. But, I am already concerned that the $325 a month income won't be enough for her to live on. Peace Corp members are expected to be "an active part of the community" and that means things like wearing clothes made in that village/country, attending local weddings, festivals, celebrations and that often means gift giving, special costumes/clothing or other expenses. Some of the previous & current volunteers have said that this can be a real hardship on their small stipend. In addition, there are often expenses connected to their job/role/position that are not reimbursed by the Peace Corp. Most are fairly small expenses but can add up to be a large burden over your months of service (this was reported by numerous current volunteers).
Well, enough complaining. Dear daughter is off to a long awaited adventure and my husband and I am very happy for her (a little panicked for us, to be honest more than "a little panicked") but happy for her).
Last edited by germaine2626; 08-19-2016 at 08:44 AM..
Wow!!! What a big step for both your daughter and yourself. I am glad you are working on long term plans that will enable her to continue to do what it is she wants to do. Good luck to you both!!!
Yes. Best to her. And I don't want to worry you. But please urge her to be extra vigilant about her personal safety. Not necessarily because she's an American. Because she's a woman. Women Peace Corp members have testified before Congress about life altering experiences they've had.
I would suggest that you spread the word to your large and spread out family and distant relatives. There may be large numbers of them that would like to assist her financially, things like birthday and Xmas or just plain assistance. I have helped a girl we know with financial assistance when she was walking the Pacific Coast Trail and someone who was biking across America. I am sure they would also love to follow her adventure for the next 2+ years and might make them all closer to her.
^^ Love that idea. Does she plan to document her journey as she lives it? Can she -- is she allowed -- even if not with online videos, maybe she can send videos to family (who of course shouldn't post them IF that's not allowed for whatever reason).
She could write a journal. I'd imagine she can certainly skype or do face time (if she'd online)
My goodness! What an adventure for your daughter! I like the idea of her family members sending her extra money, maybe on her birthday or for other occasions.
We send our kids out into the world, don't we? Your DD is going farther out into the world than most! I am wishing her good luck and a successful tour.
You've done as much planning as you can. These two years+ will pass more quickly than you think. You are right to support her in her adventure. I think she must truly be her mother's daughter.
What a wonderful adventure! It will change her life. I am very glad she has the opportunity to go.
I also like the idea of just letting all the relatives/family know she needs money! I went to college in Europe and I got all sorts of goofy 'gifts' over the years from well meaning family members when what I really needed was plain old money!
There's no glossing over the fact that your life will be harder when she is gone. It sounds like you are doing your best to cover all the possibilities in advance.
Thank you for all of your kind comments. Everything really adds up fast. DD has been trying to use as many things as she can that she already has, her old backpack & tote bags, her clothes & shoes from her closet, etc. etc.
From buying plenty of extra socks & underwear (when you may have to wash your clothes in a river or a bucket you want to bring along plenty of things that may be harder to replace), to two large pieces of luggage (she does not have her own suitcases, usually she either borrowed luggage from me or from a friend), to other odds and ends it starts to become rather pricey even before you leave.
Even though there is only a 50/50 chance that she will have regular access to electricity the Peace Corp does recommend that everyone bring a laptop and several external hard drives. Unfortunately DD's current laptop is already over four years old and probably will not last another two and half years so that is another expense. Frankly, since most of the documents and materials typed & stored on the laptops would be related to the job/role/responsibilities as a Peace Corp volunteer it does seem odd that they would not provide a lap top, but they don't.
Our family is not a "gift giving" family so DD normally does not receive any birthday or Christmas or other gifts from anyone beside her dad and me and sometimes her brother. However, if anyone does ask about sending a "care package" I can suggest that a monetary gift would be greatly appreciated. Even sending a fairly small care package may cost $50 in postage, plus the cost of the contents. With her monthly income only $325, even a few extra dollars would go a long, long way. DD already told me that she probably would need the money far, far more than wasting it on postage & gifts (if I decided to send her a care package).
Last edited by germaine2626; 08-19-2016 at 04:59 PM..
I'm so glad you are making this happen for her!!!!
If you have ROTH IRAs, you can withdraw money from them with no penalty for educational expenses. Then she could pay it back later.
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