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About her student loans, can she try to consolidate them through the US Dept of Ed? I did that with mine and they are VERY helpful about putting them into forbearance or deferment. Private lenders are NOT helpful at all! Sallie Mae was downright awful!!!!
While that is a great tip, it is a little outdated. Apparently it was such as huge, huge problem for female volunteers that you can now get those "supplies" through the Peace Corp.
If she is brand specific, I would bring them anyway. Worse case scenario is she gives them to someone else.
I think a lot of the posters in this thread are being a bit harsh about the daughter's plans as regards finances. Successful completion of a Peace Corps assignment, if you are even minimally competent at networking, can quickly be leveraged into a huge career boost upon return to the US. For millennials, who are largely starting out behind the curve compared to previous generations, this can make a immense difference in one's lifelong career trajectory. This isn't like quitting one's job to go get a master's in underwater basketweaving, or to backpack across Europe or whatever. It's a smart move - a very smart move, if one has a future in fields like civil service or health care.
Also, I hate to put it like this because the OP clearly already feels a bit guilty about the situation, but the opportunity cost for the daughter of becoming a caregiver to her father was undoubtedly far higher than the end sum of the $200 per month of these student loans that'll need to be paid in her absence. Had she been living her "normal" life during that time, she would most likely already be on firm financial footing. And that's without even addressing how much a hired caregiver providing the same services would have cost her parents. (Also note that while Peace Corps volunteers' monthly stipend is small, when she returns to the US upon successful completion of her commitment, she'll receive a large lump sum "transition" payment, out of which she should be able to repay her parents if necessary.)
The time and financial sacrifice is an investment, not something frivolous, is what I'm saying.
OP, you deserve major kudos for supporting and helping your daughter get this rolling.
DD says that with the tough competition to get into the Peace Corp today (it was very different in the past) there are many, many more people who leave professional jobs to serve. In fact, in some countries and areas of service unless you have a Master's degree or are a nurse, engineer, doctor or similar professional you can not even apply.
I believe that you can only apply for the six month commitment after you have already served the 27 commitment.
I don't think it's all that difficult to be accepted. My nephew was 25, with a degree in sociology, and never had a job when he was accepted. He had no credentials to do anything. Yes, his parents could afford to supplement his income. He and another PC volunteer quickly became a couple which helped him to adjust. He taught school in South America.
Actually, one of the main reasons that my daughter was selected for the Peace Corp was due to her extensive volunteer experience with HIV/AIDS which started when she was only a freshman in high school. For many years she volunteered an average of ten hours a week in responsible positions, including training & supervising other volunteers.
I am sorry that you and your spouse had to put off your dreams due to your commitment to elderly parents. Our situation is a little different, as DD was only 14 when her dad started becoming disabled and was still in college when he became permanently disabled.
IMHO, it would be a crime to force a young adult to potentially give up their entire adult life to assist in the care of a parent. In the unlikely event that I die before my husband I have already told our adult children that it would be my recommendation that their dad be immediately placed in a nursing home (locked memory unit as he needs 24/7 supervision/care) rather than quit their jobs to care for him fulltime.
That's EXACTLY what families used to do. They sacrifice for each other because they loved and cared for each other. They're 'dreams' were not the deciding factor. Their family's needs came before their own wants.
I wanted to clarify something. I still wonder if it was a mistake to ask our daughter to move home two years ago. She was forced to leave a city that she loved and where she had "put down roots". She left a large group of supportive friends, an active social life, leadership positions in two different community organizations and a full time job and a part time job (and never found comparable jobs here). In retrospect, it was extremely selfish of me and I regret it. I really had absolutely no idea how terrible our daughter's life would be back in her hometown. If I would have had any idea of how awful it was going to be for her I never would have asked her to move back (perhaps after DH's TBI, but certainly not before that).
While she never complained, and returned home "voluntarily", it was very, very sad to see her life as an "assistant caregiver". She was just a few years out of college without any type of social life at all (except occasionally doing things with complete strangers through meet-up groups or with family members) and working a crappy, crappy job and spending all of her free time with Mom & a disabled father.
She did not even have one friend who lived in our town. Nope, not even one person. Sometimes she would go six months between a night out because she needed to wait until an old friend visited our town or she would have to drive out of state to see people. I had no idea it would be that bad.
I do not believe that she even went on one date the entire two years that she was here, compared to a very active dating & social life in her previous city. That is pretty upsetting & discouraging for a person in their mid/late 20s.
She spent many, many hours every week either providing direct care/supervision to her father or doing errands or doing household tasks to take the burden off of me.
Now compare that to her brother. He spent six days helping over the last few years. Six days. Did he leave his job? Nope. Did he leave his friends and spouse? Nope. Did he leave his city? Nope. Did his father's illness crimp his "style" or his finances or his fun or his social life or his behavior or his education in any way whatsoever? Nope (except for one six day vacation home to help). He still honestly thinks that he provided a similar amount of help to us as his sister provided to us.
I am thankful that our daughter is still speaking to her brother. She could be so resentful that it could have caused irreparable damage to their relationship.
Parents, let this be a lesson to you before you ask your child to help with care giving.
Regarding the student loans. She is still checking on what to do.
BTW, she did not get a new computer and certainly would not spent $1,000 on one. There is one for sale at Best Buy for $350 or she might get a newer. used one from a relative or just take her old one along.
Yes, it is much more common for daughters to be closer to their parents. I believe you said you spoke with your daughter daily when she was away. I've never known an adult man to do that. It may not be fair but it seems much more likely for girls to take care of their parents and not their brothers. On the other hand, we teach people how to treat us. You asked your daughter to give up her life and come home, you did not ask your son to do the same.
But you don't owe your daughter her 'dream' job if it means you and your DH have to suffer to provide it for her. It's just not fair to you or your husband. You can't afford it. She cannot afford to be in the Peace Corp because she has financial obligations. It's unfortunate, but that's the reality. Your daughter can have a perfectly fine life without going to Africa and burdening her family. Stop feeling guilty!
Wow, I don't know how old your children are that you expect them to help support you and your spouse in your "old age" but our son, is doing post-doctoral research so is still technically a college student. He and his wife (also a post-doc) are supporting themselves and their two children on college student incomes/stipends.
It isn't like he is 40 years old, has a great income and a well established career so he can easily help Mom & Dad. He's an advanced level college student, a year or two from starting his first professional job. Sheesh!
He has a wife and two kids without a real job. That sounds kinda backwards, doesn't it? Don't people usually have a job before having kids? Just sayin'.........
I think a lot of the posters in this thread are being a bit harsh about the daughter's plans as regards finances. Successful completion of a Peace Corps assignment, if you are evenminimally competent at networking, can quickly be leveraged into a huge career boost upon return to the US. For millennials, who are largely starting out behind the curve compared to previous generations, this can make a immense difference in one's lifelong career trajectory. This isn't like quitting one's job to go get a master's in underwater basketweaving, or to backpack across Europe or whatever. It's a smart move - a very smart move, if one has a future in fields like civil service or health care.
Thank you. Our daughter investigated her post-Peace Corp career options very carefully before she applied. Serving in the Peace Corp will be a tremendous advantage in getting a great job with the federal government or with an international non-profit organization.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Frostnip
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Also, I hate to put it like this because the OP clearly already feels a bit guilty about the situation, but the opportunity cost for the daughter of becoming a caregiver to her father was undoubtedly far higher than the end sum of the $200 per month of these student loans that'll need to be paid in her absence. Had she been living her "normal" life during that time, she would most likely already be on firm financial footing. And that's without even addressing how much a hired caregiver providing the same services would have cost her parents. (Also note that while Peace Corps volunteers' monthly stipend is small, when she returns to the US upon successful completion of her commitment, she'll receive a large lump sum "transition" payment, out of which she should be able to repay her parents if necessary.)
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Many people have absolutely no idea how much it really costs to have hired caregivers. Even at the easiest months (before DH's TBI) our daughter provided care that would have cost us $800 to $1000 a month for a private hire and $1,500 or more through an agency if we would have paid for that care. During the hardest or busiest months it was probably double that. While we did not pay our daughter we did provide free housing & utilities and put her on things like our car insurance & cell phone plan as compensation while she continued to pay all of her other expenses. But, we definitely, definitely got the best end of the bargain.
It is my feeling that our daughter helped me/us over the most difficult period (my last year of working while DH was disabled and his first year of needing 24/7 supervision/care after his TBI) and it is now my responsibility to handle the rest of our lives.
I don't want my daughter to be like my cousin. My cousin moved home when she was about 30 to help her parents over a health emergency. She put her life on hold and temporarily gave up her dreams of travel, marriage and a family to help out. Sadly, there were additional health emergencies and intense pressure from her parents & siblings to continue living home to "help out". By the time her parents passed away almost 30 years later it was too late to go back to her dreams of being married, having a family, traveling or returning to her career. She had become a sad, angry, bitter person and died of cancer shortly after that (ironically because she was not a "paid caregiver" just an unpaid daughter she could not always afford health insurance so her cancer was not diagnosed until it was too late).
I also had an aunt, whose parents actually told her that she was "not allowed" to get married because it was "her responsibility" to care for her parents and unmarried uncle when they were elderly because she was the youngest daughter. Her sisters (including my mother) all were able to be married.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Frostnip
The time and financial sacrifice is an investment, not something frivolous, is what I'm saying.
OP, you deserve major kudos for supporting and helping your daughter get this rolling.
Thank you.
Last edited by germaine2626; 08-22-2016 at 08:25 AM..
I understand that this is your daughter's dream, but it sounds dreadful. She's paid next to nothing, may have to live without electricity, can't even visit her family for over two years and is expected to travel on $25 a month. That's just ridiculous. The Peace Corps must not have adjusted their pay since 1970! How do they get anyone to agree to live like this?
Quote:
Originally Posted by BrassTacksGal
I don't think it's all that difficult to be accepted. My nephew was 25, with a degree in sociology, and never had a job when he was accepted. He had no credentials to do anything. Yes, his parents could afford to supplement his income. He and another PC volunteer quickly became a couple which helped him to adjust. He taught school in South America.
Quote:
Originally Posted by BrassTacksGal
That's EXACTLY what families used to do. They sacrifice for each other because they loved and cared for each other. They're 'dreams' were not the deciding factor. Their family's needs came before their own wants.
Quote:
Originally Posted by BrassTacksGal
Yes, it is much more common for daughters to be closer to their parents. I believe you said you spoke with your daughter daily when she was away. I've never known an adult man to do that. It may not be fair but it seems much more likely for girls to take care of their parents and not their brothers. On the other hand, we teach people how to treat us. You asked your daughter to give up her life and come home, you did not ask your son to do the same.
But you don't owe your daughter her 'dream' job if it means you and your DH have to suffer to provide it for her. It's just not fair to you or your husband. You can't afford it. She cannot afford to be in the Peace Corp because she has financial obligations. It's unfortunate, but that's the reality. Your daughter can have a perfectly fine life without going to Africa and burdening her family. Stop feeling guilty!
Quote:
Originally Posted by BrassTacksGal
WOW! I would never allow a daughter to go into the Peace Corp! That's terrible!
Let's face it, the Peach Corp isn't what it was in 1975. It's a mess now.
Quote:
Originally Posted by BrassTacksGal
He has a wife and two kids without a real job. That sounds kinda backwards, doesn't it? Don't people usually have a job before having kids? Just sayin'.........
I'd like to add another perspective.
Congratulations to OPs daughter and a "Job Well Done!" to the OP. Germaine, you have raised two outstanding children. You should be proud of both of them AND give yourself a pat on the back. Now, go celebrate. It will all work out.
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