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It seems so many parents believe the most incompetent, the most messed up, child should get the most money because they 'need it' more than the other competent, successful, children. They penalize those who stayed in school and worked hard their whole lives to give their money to the kids who dropped out of school, and/or are addicts and could never keep a job. They reward the screw ups in death just as they did in life.
Agreed. I think many of them do it because they have always worried about "What will happen to Junior when we are no longer here to take care of him?". So they assuage their anxiety (and maybe guilt?) by making sure Junior (or Juniorette) is well-taken-care-of when they are gone. Meanwhile, they KNOW that good old, dependable Other Child(ren) will do just fine, whether or not Mom and Dad leave them anything.
Katherine, just as a bit of unasked for advice from your cyber-friend, the real estate agent: Take your POA by an attorney's office and make absolutely sure that it can be used on the sale of your mom's property. Many states have property-specific POA requirements - a "regular" POA can't be used to transfer real estate, something to do with title insurance, etc. I'd hate for you to go through all of this and, at the end, discover that you didn't have the power to sell the house.
Agreed. I think many of them do it because they have always worried about "What will happen to Junior when we are no longer here to take care of him?". So they assuage their anxiety (and maybe guilt?) by making sure Junior (or Juniorette) is well-taken-care-of when they are gone. Meanwhile, they KNOW that good old, dependable Other Child(ren) will do just fine, whether or not Mom and Dad leave them anything.
TBH, as a Mom, my first concern would be the schizophrenic son. After his needs were met, I'd split the remaining estate between my other children. But I sure as heck would not lie to my kids about it.
Katherine, just as a bit of unasked for advice from your cyber-friend, the real estate agent: Take your POA by an attorney's office and make absolutely sure that it can be used on the sale of your mom's property. Many states have property-specific POA requirements - a "regular" POA can't be used to transfer real estate, something to do with title insurance, etc. I'd hate for you to go through all of this and, at the end, discover that you didn't have the power to sell the house.
Oh I know - and thanks for the heads up. Though I have a general durable POA that specifically says I can do any and all real estate transactions, I am going to try my best to work through my mom and have her sign stuff.t
Tomorrow should be interesting. I haven't talked with her since Monday. Even if she's not at church, I will stop by her place and try to have a sit down with her. I've enjoyed the break but this much silence makes me nervous. There's no telling what she might do next.
I don't trust her as far as I can throw her. Now that's a funny expression...
TBH, as a Mom, my first concern would be the schizophrenic son. After his needs were met, I'd split the remaining estate between my other children. But I sure as heck would not lie to my kids about it.
The estate is large enough and should remain large enough to be equally split three ways and have my schizophrenic brother's needs met for the rest of his life, from a Special Needs Trust along with his disability and Medicaid.
Tomorrow should be interesting. I haven't talked with her since Monday. Even if she's not at church, I will stop by her place and try to have a sit down with her. I've enjoyed the break but this much silence makes me nervous. There's no telling what she might do next.
I don't trust her as far as I can throw her. Now that's a funny expression...
Well, look at the bright side, it isn't like it is your HS or college daughter and she may be not talking to you because her period is late and she is worried that she may be pregnant.
Well, look at the bright side, it isn't like it is your HS or college daughter and she may be not talking to you because her period is late and she is worried that she may be pregnant.
LOL true.
However, it might be that she and the guy who lives there who she says is "in love with her," are talking about moving back into her house and he can "take care of her" in exchange of course for access to all her money.
Well, look at the bright side, it isn't like it is your HS or college daughter and she may be not talking to you because her period is late and she is worried that she may be pregnant.
Quote:
Originally Posted by KathrynAragon
LOL true.
However, it might be that she and the guy who lives there who she says is "in love with her," are talking about moving back into her house and he can "take care of her" in exchange of course for access to all her money.
I am totally serious.
Well, I really only mentioned the pregnancy joke because I was thinking the same thing. And, I bet that other regular readers are thinking that, too.
After a wonderfully freed up week of introspection, purging lots of silly little "heirloom" stuff that my parents actually tasked me with ("You can't get rid of this - it was mine when I was a little boy!" WATCH ME.), replacing formal portraits of both sets of dysfunctional parents with candid shots of my husband and I enjoying vacations and events together, and talking with various realtors and appraisers about unloading all this property, I feel very calm about everything.
I am going to get up in my mother's business today. We'll see what happens! My plan is to be patient, polite, but firm.
I'd seriously consider a Lenten fast from the mess your parents created. "Let go and let God," literally. You're not Atlas, you can't carry the world on your shoulders forever, and I think it would do you a lot of good to remove yourself for a bit and see for yourself that everything doesn't collapse in your absence. And if things don't move forward in a glitch-free manner, know that you can't and aren't obligated to save people from themselves, particularly when they don't want that. (Of course, I know you understand that intellectually, but getting it on a visceral level is different, as you also realize.)
I know I'm a buttinsky, hope I haven't offended you, and will totally understand if you tell me to mind my manners and my business.
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