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Old 01-25-2018, 03:25 AM
 
Location: Wonderland
67,650 posts, read 60,925,505 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BrassTacksGal View Post
What is most common reason patients with Alzheimer's die? Is it 'the old peoples' friend', pneumonia? Or do they just stop breathing?
I think that most people with Alzheimer's die of secondary issues such as heart attacks, strokes, falls, pneumonia, etc. But my MIL died OF Alzheimer's - she literally eventually just stopped breathing and her heart stopped beating. This was after she stopped eating, swallowing, etc. Her mind was completely, totally gone at that point as well. It was absolutely heartbreaking.

The way it was explained to me is that the devastation from Alzheimer's eventually reaches the brain stem, which is the part of our brains that controls our most basic survival "skills" - heartbeats, breathing, swallowing, etc. And the disease destroys that part as well as the other parts. I can see that happening because when my dad had his fatal stroke, it was in his brain stem and he could no longer breathe on his own.
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Old 01-25-2018, 03:33 AM
 
Location: Wonderland
67,650 posts, read 60,925,505 times
Reputation: 101078
Quote:
Originally Posted by BrassTacksGal View Post
With a google search I have answered my own question:

>>>Which complications of Alzheimer’s are most likely to kill you?


Aspiration pneumonia


Bedsores


Sepsis infections from undiagnosed urinary tract infections


Infections in general


Injuries from falls


Malnutrition and dehydration<<<
Right - because in the absence of dementia, most people who are still mobile have the presence of mind and the ability to take care of things before they reach these stages. But for instance - my mom. My mom developed bedsores - and she doesn't even just lay around in the bed. She is up and walking around quite a bit. But for months she was hiding her incontinence, so she was basically sitting in a urine soaked pad for hours off and on throughout the day. So she got bedsores (not severe ones but still...).

It's also very difficult to keep a person with dementia truly hydrated which cuts down on UTIs a lot. Take my mom, again. She doesn't want to drink a healthy amount of water because then she has to get up and go to the bathroom, or she wets herself, and she doesn't like either situation. She is afraid she will fall going to the bathroom, because she HAS fallen several times going to the bathroom. Since she can't connect drinking plenty of water with being healthy, she just tries not to drink much water.

She also fell and broke her hip last year. That alone would have killed a lot of elderly folks but she's tough as nails. Also, lots of elderly people with broken hips develop pneumonia while in the hospital because they are already weakened.

She also fights eating - well, she was fighting it but now she's gained three pounds since she's in the new facility and they cajole her into eating and drinking liquids more regularly.
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Old 01-25-2018, 03:42 AM
 
Location: Wonderland
67,650 posts, read 60,925,505 times
Reputation: 101078
Also I want to address something else that I keep seeing in this thread. I keep seeing people make the same mistake I made for MONTHS, maybe even years, of dealing with the elderly people in our lives with dementia (both moms). I kept projecting my own emotions onto their situation. For instance, I kept wanting my mom to be able to live in her former facility because that's what I would have wanted. And I would have been able to live there happily in my beautiful, comfortable apartment, with delicious food on hand in the cafeteria and plenty of activities with other active people my age. But that was ME, not my mom. That's not what she was doing - because she was unable to do so. And she seemed oblivious to the fact that she was unable to care for herself or her apartment - and eventually her cat.

So when I had to move her (because I was told emphatically by the staff that she was no longer a fit for their community), I grieved over it. I grieved over moving her to a "lock down" facility. You know what? I don't even think she knows the doors are locked! She never went outside - not on her beautiful patio and not on the beautiful grounds - in her former apartment for that matter. Now I would have done so - I love being outside. But once again - that's ME. I was projecting what I would have wanted onto her situation.

She had a crazy gigantic closet full of clothes that she kept in a perpetual mess. She had all sorts of costume jewelry that she also kept in a perpetual mess. I can't imagine living with just the clothes on my back in my room, nothing in my closet, and only all matching black socks in my drawer and two pairs of shoes. And I can't imagine having my costume jewelry all wadded up, missing earrings, broken necklaces, etc. either. But that's ME. That's MY mindset. Not my mom's. I have to remember that. Mom does much better WITHOUT lots of choices. Her mind is more at ease. I'd be furious! But it's her wellbeing that should be my focus, not how I'd feel about living like that myself.
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Old 01-25-2018, 05:01 AM
 
Location: Southern New England
1,557 posts, read 1,157,918 times
Reputation: 6861
Bingo, KA.


That's what I was trying to say when I wrote that keeping conversations simple (birds and weather only) seemed to degrade our relationship, but that was MY problem, not hers.


It is so hard to do, but doing so really does make it so much easier.
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Old 01-25-2018, 06:11 AM
 
Location: Wooster, Ohio
4,141 posts, read 3,054,676 times
Reputation: 7280
Quote:
Originally Posted by KathrynAragon View Post
Also I want to address something else that I keep seeing in this thread. I keep seeing people make the same mistake I made for MONTHS, maybe even years, of dealing with the elderly people in our lives with dementia (both moms). I kept projecting my own emotions onto their situation. For instance, I kept wanting my mom to be able to live in her former facility because that's what I would have wanted. And I would have been able to live there happily in my beautiful, comfortable apartment, with delicious food on hand in the cafeteria and plenty of activities with other active people my age. But that was ME, not my mom. That's not what she was doing - because she was unable to do so. And she seemed oblivious to the fact that she was unable to care for herself or her apartment - and eventually her cat.

So when I had to move her (because I was told emphatically by the staff that she was no longer a fit for their community), I grieved over it. I grieved over moving her to a "lock down" facility. You know what? I don't even think she knows the doors are locked! She never went outside - not on her beautiful patio and not on the beautiful grounds - in her former apartment for that matter. Now I would have done so - I love being outside. But once again - that's ME. I was projecting what I would have wanted onto her situation.

She had a crazy gigantic closet full of clothes that she kept in a perpetual mess. She had all sorts of costume jewelry that she also kept in a perpetual mess. I can't imagine living with just the clothes on my back in my room, nothing in my closet, and only all matching black socks in my drawer and two pairs of shoes. And I can't imagine having my costume jewelry all wadded up, missing earrings, broken necklaces, etc. either. But that's ME. That's MY mindset. Not my mom's. I have to remember that. Mom does much better WITHOUT lots of choices. Her mind is more at ease. I'd be furious! But it's her wellbeing that should be my focus, not how I'd feel about living like that myself.
Our mom ending up in the hospital last summer. We were then told that she required more care than the assisted living facility could provide. As a result, we moved her to the memory care part of the facility. I was concerned about how mom would adjust to the change, but we are not sure she even noticed.
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Old 01-25-2018, 06:24 AM
 
4,413 posts, read 3,472,468 times
Reputation: 14183
Quote:
Originally Posted by KathrynAragon View Post
I think that most people with Alzheimer's die of secondary issues such as heart attacks, strokes, falls, pneumonia, etc. But my MIL died OF Alzheimer's - she literally eventually just stopped breathing and her heart stopped beating. This was after she stopped eating, swallowing, etc. Her mind was completely, totally gone at that point as well. It was absolutely heartbreaking.

The way it was explained to me is that the devastation from Alzheimer's eventually reaches the brain stem, which is the part of our brains that controls our most basic survival "skills" - heartbeats, breathing, swallowing, etc. And the disease destroys that part as well as the other parts. I can see that happening because when my dad had his fatal stroke, it was in his brain stem and he could no longer breathe on his own.
Yes, and Brass Tacks, think of it this way: basically neurons die off and disconnect from other neurons and the brain eventually can't signal to organs and other systems of the body. It just so happens that the areas of the brain affected first have to do with memory, but as the disease progresses the whole body is affected. Oxygen can't get to the cells. Nutrients can't be absorbed. Everything shuts down if you are unfortunate to live with the disease long enough.

Honestly I can appreciate everyone being scared of cancer but at least you have a fighting chance with that.
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Old 01-25-2018, 06:33 AM
 
4,413 posts, read 3,472,468 times
Reputation: 14183
Quote:
Originally Posted by KathrynAragon View Post
Also I want to address something else that I keep seeing in this thread. I keep seeing people make the same mistake I made for MONTHS, maybe even years, of dealing with the elderly people in our lives with dementia (both moms). I kept projecting my own emotions onto their situation. For instance, I kept wanting my mom to be able to live in her former facility because that's what I would have wanted. And I would have been able to live there happily in my beautiful, comfortable apartment, with delicious food on hand in the cafeteria and plenty of activities with other active people my age. But that was ME, not my mom. That's not what she was doing - because she was unable to do so. And she seemed oblivious to the fact that she was unable to care for herself or her apartment - and eventually her cat.
This is so true. I did the same thing in regards to my mom, and then a very experienced Alzheimer's care manager explained it to me like this: Imagine you are brought into a room of people who speak French, and you don't know any French. And they are talking to you and amongst each other and you have no idea what is going on. Or, imagine you were brought to a beautiful beach but you didn't understand what sand was, and when it became difficult to walk in, it you became fearful but felt trapped because you were surrounded by it.

Would you be comfortable and happy in those situations? Or would you be scared, panicky, uncomfortable...

That's is what it's like for people with dementia.

_____

The first 2 years my mother was in the nursing home, I went to these great lengths to bring her home to join us for Christmas. I rented a van with a lift so I could get her to my house, and the guys lifted the wheelchair up the stairs on the front porch to get her in the door. And you know what? The entire visit she did not look happy at all. She looked uncomfortable and confused. She had a pained look on her face. I realized that she was in a different world from me, a very small world, and being in my world was terrifying and confounding.
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Old 01-25-2018, 06:42 AM
 
10,599 posts, read 17,896,657 times
Reputation: 17353
Quote:
Originally Posted by cis_love View Post
thanks for being quick to judge jeesh. my parents worked in the US for 40 years (my mom as a geriatric nurse, my dad as a small business owner) and spoke english well enough to do that. But after they retired (and no longer needed to use english on a daily basis), got older, now with the dementia, they have lost a lot of their english use and feel more comfortable with their home language.
It's not judging. You wrote a casual line about them not speaking English and you not speaking their language. So it's an obvious "question". And for people with-OUT dementia it's true that some just REFUSE.

Ever been in Orlando? The dentist office keeps Spanish TV on and the people get mad if you change it. Even the car rental people can't/won't speak English. We won't even discuss MIAMI where you're considered a tourist if you speak ENGLISH.

My husband was not from America, spoke really poor English, but the moment he stepped foot here he was determined to speak only English unless he was in the house with family and even then, they reverted to English unless they were discussing politics or something else that required in depth language. He couldn't even pass the TOEFL for grad school so had to change his major from Economics to Engineering even though he already had a masters in Economics from home.

You answered your own question about "going out".

Yes, with dementia the foreign speakers revert back to their native language.

Isn't that enough proof for you right there?

Yes, their doctor needs to tweak the medications to deal with their anxiety.

Just like every other dementia person with anxiety symptoms.
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Old 01-25-2018, 06:47 AM
 
Location: Wonderland
67,650 posts, read 60,925,505 times
Reputation: 101078
Quote:
Originally Posted by LilyMae521 View Post
Bingo, KA.


That's what I was trying to say when I wrote that keeping conversations simple (birds and weather only) seemed to degrade our relationship, but that was MY problem, not hers.


It is so hard to do, but doing so really does make it so much easier.
Yep, definitely easier. It's still sad, but at least it's sad and easier, not sad and harder, like things have been for so long now.
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Old 01-25-2018, 06:53 AM
 
Location: Wonderland
67,650 posts, read 60,925,505 times
Reputation: 101078
Quote:
Originally Posted by wasel View Post
This is so true. I did the same thing in regards to my mom, and then a very experienced Alzheimer's care manager explained it to me like this: Imagine you are brought into a room of people who speak French, and you don't know any French. And they are talking to you and amongst each other and you have no idea what is going on. Or, imagine you were brought to a beautiful beach but you didn't understand what sand was, and when it became difficult to walk in, it you became fearful but felt trapped because you were surrounded by it.

Would you be comfortable and happy in those situations? Or would you be scared, panicky, uncomfortable...

That's is what it's like for people with dementia.

_____

The first 2 years my mother was in the nursing home, I went to these great lengths to bring her home to join us for Christmas. I rented a van with a lift so I could get her to my house, and the guys lifted the wheelchair up the stairs on the front porch to get her in the door. And you know what? The entire visit she did not look happy at all. She looked uncomfortable and confused. She had a pained look on her face. I realized that she was in a different world from me, a very small world, and being in my world was terrifying and confounding.
This is EXACTLY the situation with my mom now. We decided in fact not to bring her to our house for Christmas because frankly, she doesn't seem to even like anything about Christmas and I suspect it's because she really doesn't even understand what's going on. I mean, the term "Christmas" seems to mean SOMETHING to her - she recognizes it as something she should know or do something about - but for instance, gifts - she really had no idea why we were giving her gifts this year and when we said, "These are your Christmas gifts," not only did she not seem to even notice them other than to be sort of distracted and confused by them (before ignoring them completely), she didn't even respond at all about the Christmas part, other than to say "Well, I am sick and tired of Christmas." This was on Christmas Eve and it was right then and there that we decided en masse that we weren't going to go get her and bring her to our house for Christmas Day. We (husband, daughter, and me) didn't think she'd get much if anything out of the experience herself, and we figured she'd want to go back to her own room about 20 minutes after getting there - and we also had four kids and their Christmas to consider.

I felt like a heel in a way but she didn't seem to even notice or care.
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