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I have a lot of respect for the OP. She gave it a shot for a year. Many people won't even do that. I respect her also for admitting to the world that she was not cut out for it. Many people aren't. It takes courage to admit that because of the negative blowback.
I agree. It sounded like a horrible situation.
Her husband expected that his wife be the primary caregiver, stay-at-home-fulltime-wife and complete social outlet for his mother and moved Mom in over the strenuous objects of his wife. But, when the wife asked Hubby what he would do if the wife had her mother live with them, Hubby said that he would leave the house and be gone all day, every day so that he would not have to be with his MIL, talk to his MIL or be his MIL's caregiver. What a hypocrite!
Most people don’t want their MIL living with them. I would never impose on my children. My 94 year old aunt lives alone. Her daughter comes over a lot. People need privacy.
OP back again for another update. I'm starting to let some of my guilt wash away.
Something that has really helped was to realize that MIL made a choice when she moved into my house. She chose herself and what she wanted over my happiness. Prior to moving in, she told my husband (her son) that she "knew Cate (me) didn't want her to move in." However, she did so anyway.
She looked at her options:
Option A) Move in with with one of her other children. They all invited her to live with them, and they were sincere in their offers. MIL finds them "annoying" and doesn't like their "small" homes.
Option B) Move in with Cate (me) and favorite son. Gets to live in the "big" house where she will have her own bathroom and a large bedroom for most of her things. But...is quite aware that I will be unhappy. She knows this PRIOR to her moving in.
Essentially, MIL made her priority her own wants (big house, living with favorite child) despite knowing I would not be happy. Pretty selfish, in my opinion. That realization helped a lot in alleviating some of my guilt.
And to the poster above (the one who suggested I have social anxiety ) who said she hopes I pay to move MIL's things out to Nevada, we did. My husband rented a small moving truck and drove all her items out to her.
MIL rarely speaks with me now on her own initiative. I've called her several times, but she never reciprocates. That's really okay, although I wish her happiness and peace and a continued relationship with my husband (her son) and my children.
OP back again for another update. I'm starting to let some of my guilt wash away.
Something that has really helped was to realize that MIL made a choice when she moved into my house. She chose herself and what she wanted over my happiness. Prior to moving in, she told my husband (her son) that she "knew Cate (me) didn't want her to move in." However, she did so anyway.
She looked at her options:
Option A) Move in with with one of her other children. They all invited her to live with them, and they were sincere in their offers. MIL finds them "annoying" and doesn't like their "small" homes.
Option B) Move in with Cate (me) and favorite son. Gets to live in the "big" house where she will have her own bathroom and a large bedroom for most of her things. But...is quite aware that I will be unhappy. She knows this PRIOR to her moving in.
Essentially, MIL made her priority her own wants (big house, living with favorite child) despite knowing I would not be happy. Pretty selfish, in my opinion. That realization helped a lot in alleviating some of my guilt.
And to the poster above (the one who suggested I have social anxiety ) who said she hopes I pay to move MIL's things out to Nevada, we did. My husband rented a small moving truck and drove all her items out to her.
MIL rarely speaks with me now on her own initiative. I've called her several times, but she never reciprocates. That's really okay, although I wish her happiness and peace and a continued relationship with my husband (her son) and my children.
Thanks for the update. It sounds as if things have gotten back to normal, and you are on an even keel. I am glad your situation has resolved and you are feeling less guilt.
Thank you for the update. I am glad that your husband moved all her stuff to where his siblings live. I was so worried for you that MIL might stay with you, in her old room, "temporarily" for the wedding and never move out. Also, it is fair to her other children and other grandchildren that they are able to spend more time with Mom/Grandma. It is possible that they were "annoying" because they wished for more time with her and she insisted on staying with her "favorite child".
OP back again for another update. I'm starting to let some of my guilt wash away.
Something that has really helped was to realize that MIL made a choice when she moved into my house. She chose herself and what she wanted over my happiness. Prior to moving in, she told my husband (her son) that she "knew Cate (me) didn't want her to move in." However, she did so anyway.
She looked at her options:
Option A) Move in with with one of her other children. They all invited her to live with them, and they were sincere in their offers. MIL finds them "annoying" and doesn't like their "small" homes.
Option B) Move in with Cate (me) and favorite son. Gets to live in the "big" house where she will have her own bathroom and a large bedroom for most of her things. But...is quite aware that I will be unhappy. She knows this PRIOR to her moving in.
Essentially, MIL made her priority her own wants (big house, living with favorite child) despite knowing I would not be happy. Pretty selfish, in my opinion. That realization helped a lot in alleviating some of my guilt.
And to the poster above (the one who suggested I have social anxiety ) who said she hopes I pay to move MIL's things out to Nevada, we did. My husband rented a small moving truck and drove all her items out to her.
MIL rarely speaks with me now on her own initiative. I've called her several times, but she never reciprocates. That's really okay, although I wish her happiness and peace and a continued relationship with my husband (her son) and my children.
You shouldn't have guilt. She wasn't a good fit for your home. She wouldn't even bend by leaving to a senior center one or a few days a week. She also gossiped about your family.
Good for you OP !! You did the right thing and now you can go on with your life without the big big problem in your home. This whole situation took some working through, and you did it. Thank you for coming back to let us all know. Wish I could give you a hug !!
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) who said she hopes I pay to move MIL's things out to Nevada, we did. My husband rented a small moving truck and drove all her items out to her.
