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I agree with all the advice above. I took care of my parents for quite a few years. They didn't have cancer but various health issues, the worse being my Dad's broken hip.
First, you are already doing a wonderful job with your husband. I saw with my parents how important it was to keep some normalcy in their lives. In my situation age was a huge factor. They felt like they had no control over anything any more. I felt they deserved to make choices and have control over any issues. I tried not to take over but help out.
After my Dad broke his hip, he didn't seem to care about walking again and resisted rehab. His care ended up being 24 hours between my sister, myself and an aide. I took time off of work and spent many 12 hour days with them.
What I can tell you from that experience is to have a good support group around you. You have your son and that is wonderful. I was fortunate to have my husband and children help out and be there just to listen to me. They picked up a lot of slack at home for me. They kept me sane.
I am also grateful that I had the presence of mind to truly cherish this time with my parents. And to be there for them because they were always there for me. I know in my heart I did the best I could. I know they knew that too. And for some strange reason, that was a great comfort to me when they were gone. It was truly time well spent.
Try and get out. Go for a walk. Window shop. Meet a friend for lunch. I can tell you that I had many days where I felt overwhelmed with responsibility and doubts that I was doing a good job. I wanted to run away to the Bahamas and sit on the beach with a Pina Colada and forget it all. We need to step away sometimes even for a short while to gather up more strength.
It's not easy seeing the person or people we love slipping away from us. It's heartbreaking. Being a caregiver is an awesome responsibility and at the same time can be wonderful for us. We are spending quality time with our loved ones. And those are the memories well will cherish.
I hope this is of some help to you. God bless you and your family.
I agree with all the advice above. I took care of my parents for quite a few years. They didn't have cancer but various health issues, the worse being my Dad's broken hip.
First, you are already doing a wonderful job with your husband. I saw with my parents how important it was to keep some normalcy in their lives. In my situation age was a huge factor. They felt like they had no control over anything any more. I felt they deserved to make choices and have control over any issues. I tried not to take over but help out.
After my Dad broke his hip, he didn't seem to care about walking again and resisted rehab. His care ended up being 24 hours between my sister, myself and an aide. I took time off of work and spent many 12 hour days with them.
What I can tell you from that experience is to have a good support group around you. You have your son and that is wonderful. I was fortunate to have my husband and children help out and be there just to listen to me. They picked up a lot of slack at home for me. They kept me sane.
I am also grateful that I had the presence of mind to truly cherish this time with my parents. And to be there for them because they were always there for me. I know in my heart I did the best I could. I know they knew that too. And for some strange reason, that was a great comfort to me when they were gone. It was truly time well spent.
Try and get out. Go for a walk. Window shop. Meet a friend for lunch. I can tell you that I had many days where I felt overwhelmed with responsibility and doubts that I was doing a good job. I wanted to run away to the Bahamas and sit on the beach with a Pina Colada and forget it all. We need to step away sometimes even for a short while to gather up more strength.
It's not easy seeing the person or people we love slipping away from us. It's heartbreaking. Being a caregiver is an awesome responsibility and at the same time can be wonderful for us. We are spending quality time with our loved ones. And those are the memories well will cherish.
I hope this is of some help to you. God bless you and your family.
Thanks for your wonderful inspiring letter....You sound like such a loving and caring person...Your family is lucky to have you.
Thanks for writing...I don't want my whole life to be about cancer either....This doesn't seem healthy...My husband and I enjoy being more well-rounded and carrying on as normal as much as possible....Some people have rushed up to my husband and hugged and hugged him and even cried .....as if he is destined to die tomorrow....Or other people avoid talking about his cancer.....or talk to me about it privately in a hush-hush tone of voice.....Guess everyone responds differently when they learn that someone has cancer. Have you run into this too? My husband has no problem discussing his cancer openly.
I think my attitude keeps people from wanting to hug on me and cry. I just refuse to let cancer get to me! I think it's easier because I've kept working all through treatment. Everyone saw the progression of my treatment.
I too have no problem discussing my cancer openly. I even had a "Boob voyage" party a few nights before my mastectomy! *LOL* I think it's helped those around me that I'm so public about my cancer. I think it lets them see that life goes on, even with cancer?
I think my attitude keeps people from wanting to hug on me and cry. I just refuse to let cancer get to me! I think it's easier because I've kept working all through treatment. Everyone saw the progression of my treatment.
I too have no problem discussing my cancer openly. I even had a "Boob voyage" party a few nights before my mastectomy! *LOL* I think it's helped those around me that I'm so public about my cancer. I think it lets them see that life goes on, even with cancer?
Thanks for writing. Congratulations on handling things so well.....I'm sure your wonderful sense of humor helps you and the people around you cope with things better....Thanks for writing about your "boob voyage" party. Did a lot of people come to your party?....Great that you had the support....And good that you help others push past their fears about cancer.
As a cancer survivor, I empathize with caregivers--it seems like the people with cancer get a lot of support, care and attention, while the caregivers do not. It must be draining after a while.
This is true in a lot of cases. My hub's grandma says that illness is hard on the patient but harder on the caregiver. The patient usually doesn't remember much of what happened once they recover.
I've had to be wife; husband, mother, father. Everything that used to fall on hub, ended up falling on me. I have no clue how we got through the last 9 months; 5-6 everything was up to me because he was too weak.
I found a really wonderful board; reading the posts for hub's type has been a big help. I've questioned where I picked for him to get treated & now am glad we went where we went.
As far as tips; be organized. A legal pad is great to write everything down on - hospitalizations, nurse issues, medications & side affects. It's all in one place. Don't trust your memory.
Syncing my cell & computer was the best thing I ever did. I was also able to set up medication alarms.
Best article I've found - Why a Top Cancer Center Could Save Your Life : Newsweek Health The right doctors can make all the difference when it comes to treating cancer. So why don't we know who they are? Published Oct 17, 2009 From the magazine issue dated Oct 26, 2009
What You Don’t Know Might Kill You Very interesting article on how not all cancer centers are the same. Long article but worth the read. It also says to check if a center follows National Comprehensive Cancer Network (NCCN) guidelines.
Why a Top Cancer Center Could Save Your Life - Newsweek.com (http://tinyurl.com/NewsweekCancer - broken link)
Thanks for writing. Congratulations on handling things so well.....I'm sure your wonderful sense of humor helps you and the people around you cope with things better....Thanks for writing about your "boob voyage" party. Did a lot of people come to your party?....Great that you had the support....And good that you help others push past their fears about cancer.
We had it at a local restaunt/club, we had about 12 at the table and dozens stopped by. It was crazy. My friend brought pink bags full of all kinds of goofy stuff. I had Redneck Prostetics - socks stuffed with the wadded up lace scrubbies. Then there were the splat balls - a much more realistic replacement size. We had leis and a pirate ship in keeping with the voyage theme............. a toy whistle that sounds a lot like a fog horn......... I've never laughed so hard in my life. A great party, thanks to my wild and wacky friends. Always good to know I'm not the only one with a twisted sense of humor! *LOL*
We had it at a local restaunt/club, we had about 12 at the table and dozens stopped by. It was crazy. My friend brought pink bags full of all kinds of goofy stuff. I had Redneck Prostetics - socks stuffed with the wadded up lace scrubbies. Then there were the splat balls - a much more realistic replacement size. We had leis and a pirate ship in keeping with the voyage theme............. a toy whistle that sounds a lot like a fog horn......... I've never laughed so hard in my life. A great party, thanks to my wild and wacky friends. Always good to know I'm not the only one with a twisted sense of humor! *LOL*
Thanks for that link Roselvr!
Thanks for telling me about your party....It sounds like you all had a lot of fun.....I should create some kind of a party and lighten-up and have more fun too....It's no fun to be serious all the time....or just "blah." I think I need more fun and play and rewards in my life to "climb back up."......Thanks for writing about your party and how you deal with your problems. Great job.
You're very welcome.
Have you seen the publication 5 wishes? Aging with dignity. It's wonderfully written; you can view a sample copy at the link. It can't be printed using Adobe viewer.
My dad filled one out as did my hubby. Hubby was wondering why fill this out in addition to the advanced directive until he read it. Said he liked it better then what he used originally.
The hardest part about being a caregiver is when everything falls on you & you don't get a break. Even if you could take a break for one day, what if you missed something at the appointment?
I don't doubt people called me a control freak during hub's fight but too bad.
His son was supposed to pick him up from the hospital one day; even took the day off. Hub never got discharged. Do you think the son went to see his father? Nope. It was the one day I had my own appointment & of course stuff happens when you miss a day. Live & learn.
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