Single Black women of Chicago- What's the dating scene like? (2013, schools)

[matzoman]

Originally Posted by Just1Fan

^^^ The nest of the blind bird is made by god.

You just made my day. blessings.

[stephei2000]

Originally Posted by mjtinmemphis

We've got to get our families back together! I get so upset when I hear Black men say they don't want a Black woman. I will say that most who say that comes from a single parent dysfunctional home. Many times had bad experiences with the mother being abusive in someway. A woman can't be a man! A woman can't teach and nurture a boy into manhood. I hear so many Black women say they are the momma and the daddy and that way of thinking and the action coming from that are leaving the boys to grow up not knowing what a man is. The "super momma" syndrome has the same affect on the girls.

OTOH, women who come from healthy homes are a lot more feminine and balanced. They usually get married right out of college to men who share their same foundation for life. They are marrying Black men.

I can't find the article but I remember reading Blacks are the least likely to interacially marry. Black men who date inter racial don't necessarily marry inter racial.

One last note... I'm noticing more soft men in all groups now regardless of race. I don't know if its me looking at things differently or what. Maybe its not just a black thing.

I grew up in a traditional family and I can not relate any of this dysfunction. I did not even encounter the broken family "baby mama stereotypes until I came to Chicago. The only families I knew were married, had kids, all college educated. There are a lot of us out there.

However, even with this I still to prefer to date interracially, so I do not fit the stereotype.

[stephei2000]

Originally Posted by Atlanta_BD

I'm a Chicago native who is planning to move back to Chicago and this was a topic that concerns me as a single black woman. I date exclusively interracially.

Being thin (or not fat) is definitely what makes or breaks black women in the IR dating world. Black women who are considering or seeking this must really be mindful of their weight. The flip side is that it doesn't hurt that black women have negative stereotypes working against us. We get a lot of bad press, often perpetuated by our own men who desire to date and marry interracially and get acceptance while they don't want to see black women do the same. Black men go out of their way to tell other races how black women are no good, denying the fact that they are the ones with problems staying out of jail, finishing college, supporting their families, etc.

Men like feminine women, no doubt. The "strong black woman" image is pushed, not really because black women want to be masculine and independent. Black women are expected to be the emotional and financial support to everyone in the black community, especially to the men. In black families more often than not the female children are forced to be independent and handle their business while the boys in the family don't have to do anything. For example, it's very common to have situations in black families where adult/working-age children live with their parents--the female children in the family who work are expected to pay rent to the parents while the male children are not asked to contribute anything. It's very common for black mothers to force their daughters to pay rent and do chores while the sons are babied and spoiled and don't have to contribute any money or do things around the house; they just sit around on the internet, looking at TV, or playing video games all day. The daughters are also expected to help support their brothers while helping support their mothers. It is the norm for black girls to be thrown out in the streets to fin for themselves while the boys get to live at home and get support, usually from their mothers.

Even when black daughters move out of their parents' homes, if they are educated with good jobs, are still expected to contribute financially to their parents' households while the sons who are living at home eating up the food and using the utilities still don't have to pay for anything.

This above scenario is the norm for black women in black families. Whatever resources black women have, no matter how few, they are demanded or forced to share with their families, even when they don't live at home. It's hard for a woman who is expected and demanded to do man's job to maintain her own femininity.

In black families the women are expected to the be providers while the men rely on women to financially support them, so this is where that strong black women image comes from. Black women come off hard in many instances because black women aren't allowed to be women. Black women don't get the unconditional love and support from their men like women of other races get. Black women aren't allowed our femininity because we are forced to be the bread winners and take care of everyone else while denying ourselves. The roles have been reversed in the black community. The women are raised to be responsible and independent while the men are spoiled, taught that they are victims just because they are black males, excuses are made for their bad behavior, they're coddled and not given any responsibility.

Black women don't realize how much this independent thing (which was forced on us by black men not being men) has ruined us and taken away our femininity.

Oh this is so true! This is why I freak out about my weight. When I get around black people everyone is like I am fine, but I am size 12 but 5'11 but still feel like I would not attractive men outside of my race. I freak out when I become over a 10. I have lost some weight but still have about 20 or more to go.

[mjtinmemphis]

Originally Posted by stephei2000

I grew up in a traditional family and I can not relate any of this dysfunction. I did not even encounter the broken family "baby mama stereotypes until I came to Chicago. The only families I knew were married, had kids, all college educated. There are a lot of us out there.

However, even with this I still to prefer to date interracially, so I do not fit the stereotype.

I can't relate to that dysfunction either.

As much as I love Chicago I've seen a lot of the native blacks being victimized by the culture. Some have worked their way out of it into middle class others haven't. I'm looked at as an odd person because of the way I was raised. I've been told I act White. How can a person act a color???

[Lorielicious]

Originally Posted by stephei2000

Oh this is so true! This is why I freak out about my weight. When I get around black people everyone is like I am fine, but I am size 12 but 5'11 but still feel like I would not attractive men outside of my race. I freak out when I become over a 10. I have lost some weight but still have about 20 or more to go.

Wow. You have a lot of issues, my friend.

[mjtinmemphis]

Originally Posted by stephei2000

Oh this is so true! This is why I freak out about my weight. When I get around black people everyone is like I am fine, but I am size 12 but 5'11 but still feel like I would not attractive men outside of my race. I freak out when I become over a 10. I have lost some weight but still have about 20 or more to go.

OK. You don't want to get too small. Don't compare yourself to other people.

I'm a man who they tell should be 170lbs. I look good at 190. My bone structure is different from Asians and Whites. We are not suppose to look like everyone else. If you are petite and healthy that's fine. If your a size 12 and healthy your fine. Don't compare yourself with other groups who have a different bone structure.

[Chicago South Sider]

Originally Posted by HarmanFox

I agree with the above. I'll say it once more, "black birds stick with black birds and doves stick with doves."

You only get to make that decision for yourself but not for others. It's not your place to tell strangers who they should interact with. Once you realize that simple fact your life will be a lot better. Personally, I could care less what people do as long as it doesn't affect me.

[HarmanFox]

Originally Posted by Chicago South Sider

You only get to make that decision for yourself but not for others. It's not your place to tell strangers who they should interact with. Once you realize that simple fact your life will be a lot better. Personally, I could care less what people do as long as it doesn't affect me.

What people need to realize is that we choose to be with someone of our own race. Take high school age kids in the cafeteria. Mexicans sit with other Mexicans, blacks sit with blacks, and whites sit with whites. The same should be applied with dating. It's mind boggling to me when someone makes a story about them not being accepted in an area where people are a different race than them. Why would you go to a different community that is filled with people a different race than you and think you'll be accepted?

[HarmanFox]

Originally Posted by DuPage Co

The reason for people to not understand this is completely beyond me.

They choose to live in a bubble.

[ptug101]

Originally Posted by DuPage Co

The reason for people to not understand this is completely beyond me.

because in places like minneaplois, Calliformia, New York City, Canada and most of Western Europe
interracial friendships and interracial dating are the norm. The fact that a up north some what progressive city but still very segrated in comparison to its other neighbors is whats mindboggling