Single Black women of Chicago- What's the dating scene like? (Atlanta: homes, utilities)

[NJerseyBorn]

I'll tell you what...this thread was pretty interresting...

I grew up in new jersey...and have lived in florida for some years now...In the last couple years I have met a few black women from chicago, and they have had the coolest personalities out of the african american women I have met in nj/ny and florida. I'm half white and half spanish...But lately been more attracted to black and spanish women....

This thread has me thinking about moving to chicago...I love black women. The cost of living is good, and I love modern and diverse cities...but NY and NJ are to expensive. I think I might be able to find what Im looking for in chicago ...Florida is to southern for me...the women don't know how to interact with modern men. All the Women I met form chicago are chill and know how to act around men...especially the black women

[lyn400]

Im new to chicago and dating ive never had a problem meeting guys but im one of those smaller sisters size 4 and i dated a white guy for seven years so it depends on the person.

[urza216]

Resurrected from the grave once again. This thread never dies..

[Just1Fan]

Originally Posted by urza216

This thread never dies..

And, lucky for me, neither do single black women.

[HarmanFox]

Originally Posted by lyn400

Im new to chicago and dating ive never had a problem meeting guys but im one of those smaller sisters size 4 and i dated a white guy for seven years so it depends on the person.

Nice. While you're at it, marry a White man and have an interracial child that will help make this country more diverse! I guess black birds with black birds and doves with doves is a thing of the past right?

[Just1Fan]

^^^ The nest of the blind bird is made by god.

[Atlanta_BD]

I'm a Chicago native who is planning to move back to Chicago and this was a topic that concerns me as a single black woman. I date exclusively interracially.

Being thin (or not fat) is definitely what makes or breaks black women in the IR dating world. Black women who are considering or seeking this must really be mindful of their weight. The flip side is that it doesn't hurt that black women have negative stereotypes working against us. We get a lot of bad press, often perpetuated by our own men who desire to date and marry interracially and get acceptance while they don't want to see black women do the same. Black men go out of their way to tell other races how black women are no good, denying the fact that they are the ones with problems staying out of jail, finishing college, supporting their families, etc.

Men like feminine women, no doubt. The "strong black woman" image is pushed, not really because black women want to be masculine and independent. Black women are expected to be the emotional and financial support to everyone in the black community, especially to the men. In black families more often than not the female children are forced to be independent and handle their business while the boys in the family don't have to do anything. For example, it's very common to have situations in black families where adult/working-age children live with their parents--the female children in the family who work are expected to pay rent to the parents while the male children are not asked to contribute anything. It's very common for black mothers to force their daughters to pay rent and do chores while the sons are babied and spoiled and don't have to contribute any money or do things around the house; they just sit around on the internet, looking at TV, or playing video games all day. The daughters are also expected to help support their brothers while helping support their mothers. It is the norm for black girls to be thrown out in the streets to fin for themselves while the boys get to live at home and get support, usually from their mothers.

Even when black daughters move out of their parents' homes, if they are educated with good jobs, are still expected to contribute financially to their parents' households while the sons who are living at home eating up the food and using the utilities still don't have to pay for anything.

This above scenario is the norm for black women in black families. Whatever resources black women have, no matter how few, they are demanded or forced to share with their families, even when they don't live at home. It's hard for a woman who is expected and demanded to do man's job to maintain her own femininity.

In black families the women are expected to the be providers while the men rely on women to financially support them, so this is where that strong black women image comes from. Black women come off hard in many instances because black women aren't allowed to be women. Black women don't get the unconditional love and support from their men like women of other races get. Black women aren't allowed our femininity because we are forced to be the bread winners and take care of everyone else while denying ourselves. The roles have been reversed in the black community. The women are raised to be responsible and independent while the men are spoiled, taught that they are victims just because they are black males, excuses are made for their bad behavior, they're coddled and not given any responsibility.

Black women don't realize how much this independent thing (which was forced on us by black men not being men) has ruined us and taken away our femininity.

[mjtinmemphis]

We've got to get our families back together! I get so upset when I hear Black men say they don't want a Black woman. I will say that most who say that comes from a single parent dysfunctional home. Many times had bad experiences with the mother being abusive in someway. A woman can't be a man! A woman can't teach and nurture a boy into manhood. I hear so many Black women say they are the momma and the daddy and that way of thinking and the action coming from that are leaving the boys to grow up not knowing what a man is. The "super momma" syndrome has the same affect on the girls.

OTOH, women who come from healthy homes are a lot more feminine and balanced. They usually get married right out of college to men who share their same foundation for life. They are marrying Black men.

I can't find the article but I remember reading Blacks are the least likely to interacially marry. Black men who date inter racial don't necessarily marry inter racial.

One last note... I'm noticing more soft men in all groups now regardless of race. I don't know if its me looking at things differently or what. Maybe its not just a black thing.

[Atlanta_BD]

Originally Posted by mjtinmemphis

We've got to get our families back together! I get so upset when I hear Black men say they don't want a Black woman. I will say that most who say that comes from a single parent dysfunctional home. Many times had bad experiences with the mother being abusive in someway. A woman can't be a man! A woman can't teach and nurture a boy into manhood. I hear so many Black women say they are the momma and the daddy and that way of thinking and the action coming from that are leaving the boys to grow up not knowing what a man is. The "super momma" syndrome has the same affect on the girls.

OTOH, women who come from healthy homes are a lot more feminine and balanced. They usually get married right out of college to men who share their same foundation for life. They are marrying Black men.

I can't find the article but I remember reading Blacks are the least likely to interacially marry. Black men who date inter racial don't necessarily marry inter racial.

One last note... I'm noticing more soft men in all groups now regardless of race. I don't know if its me looking at things differently or what. Maybe its not just a black thing.

What you say is so true. The things I pointed out happen most in low-income and working-class black families where women are relied upon. You see less of this in upper-class and stable middle-class, two-parent black families where both parents are educated. Men in lower class families don't have men around (as family abandonment by the men is common) to teach them to be men with women being left trying to do it all.

It stems from slavery also, black women not being allowed to be feminine. Blacks in general were viewed no different than cattle. With that being said, black women weren't allowed their femininity because their jobs were to work in the fields as animals and be wet nurses to white women's children. White women were painted to be feminine and dainty, too good to do any kind of work or even raise or breastfeed their own children, so that left black women to be the field worker, house maid and "mammy."

To establish white women's place in that society as the most beautiful. dainty female to be catered to by others, black women could not be treated as human, much less feminine. You can have one woman there to serve another and have them on equal footing as both being beautiful and feminine. It didn't work like that.

Black women in America were intended to be pack mules and unfortunately that role/image has not changed for us.

To this day, I live in the south in a rich area and I see nothing but black women being nannies to white children whose mothers don't have jobs. Not only do these white women not work or take care of their own children, they complain about how stressful their lives are as mothers. Really?! It's quite maddening.

[Just1Fan]

Originally Posted by Atlanta_BD

...black men not being men...

I can't blame you for feeling the way you do. For me, honest appreciation gets results where criticism and ridicule fail. Do you know someone you would like to change, regulate, or improve? Good! That's fine. I'm all in favor of it. But, why not begin on yourself? From a purely selfish standpoint, that's a lot more profitable than trying to improve others - yes, and a lot less dangerous. Don't complain about the snow on your neighbor's roof, when your own doorstep is unclean. Instead of condemning black brothas, let's try to understand them. Let's try to figure out why they do what they do. That's a lot more profitable and intriguing than criticism; and it breeds sympathy, tolerance and kindness. To know all is to forgive all.

The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated ~ Just1Fan