Appropriate cash wedding gift? (Elizabeth: appointed, appliances, credit card)

[JustJulia]

Originally Posted by Irishtom29

If you need help with the cost of the celebration then you should scale it back to something more modest; rent a VFW hall and do a potluck dinner. Don't worry, the people who love you would still enjoy themselves.

Originally Posted by Lookout Kid

It's total B.S. to spend a lot on a wedding and to expect guests to pay for it.

Absolutely. A wedding is not a fundraiser, and a gift is not an entrance fee. A bride who sent me an invitation with the implication that I pay my way or cover my plate would receive a polite RSVP of "no thank you." My not going = no expense, so I wouldn't have to send a gift. Maybe I should send a dollar to cover my invitation's postage?

[jcarlilesiu]

Originally Posted by Irishtom29

It's pretty hard to think like that and not sound like a jerk, or be one for that matter.

If you need help with the cost of the celebration then you should scale it back to something more modest; rent a VFW hall and do a potluck dinner. Don't worry, the people who love you would still enjoy themselves.

But if you want to make a grand gesture then pay for it yourself with no strings attached. For one thing if you really can't afford the gesture it's not so goddam grand, is it?

Different strokes I suppose.

I personally would never attend a wedding to signify my apprieciation for the bride and groom and do so in a manner that I knowingly caused them to spend money for me to attend. I think that is rude.

[jcarlilesiu]

Originally Posted by Irishtom29

The crassness and greed of many newlyweds today drives Miss Manners totally bonkers. She's pretty funny, she can really gut people and sound nice doing it.

Greed?

How can expecting that people AT LEAST pay their way for the celebration be greedy? Thats like being invited to a party and contributing 20 bucks to the beer fund and drinking 100 bucks worth and saying "don't be so greedy" when called on it.

[JustJulia]

Originally Posted by jcarlilesiu

Different strokes I suppose.

I personally would never attend a wedding to signify my apprieciation for the bride and groom and do so in a manner that I knowingly caused them to spend money for me to attend. I think that is rude.

I assume you don't have any elderly relatives on fixed incomes, then? No friends with college debt who might pool their money to get one gift because they can't afford otherwise? No young relatives who don't have $200 to spend on you? Perhaps you just didn't invite them so they wouldn't embarrass themselves, the poor dears.

[JustJulia]

BTW, GoCubs, that was very kind of you.

[Irishtom29]

Originally Posted by jcarlilesiu

Greed?

How can expecting that people AT LEAST pay their way for the celebration be greedy? Thats like being invited to a party and contributing 20 bucks to the beer fund and drinking 100 bucks worth and saying "don't be so greedy" when called on it.

When I throw a party there is no "beer fund", I supply all the food and drink, it's my pleasure to do so. It's called being a "host".

[Lookout Kid]

Originally Posted by jcarlilesiu

Greed?

How can expecting that people AT LEAST pay their way for the celebration be greedy? Thats like being invited to a party and contributing 20 bucks to the beer fund and drinking 100 bucks worth and saying "don't be so greedy" when called on it.

I'm sorry, but it sounds VERY greedy to me. Weddings aren't free. Every manners expert I've ever read agrees that wedding gifts are supposed to be what you personally think is appropriate (or what you can afford). Several years ago you started hearing rumblings about how the cost of wedding gifts should cover the cost of your meal and drinks, but this has been summarily rejected by nearly every expert. The idea that the guests shold not just cover their food and drinks, but ALL of the other crap you decided to spend money on is beyond ridiculous. People routinely spend $50,000 on weddings with 200 guests around Chicago, and I guarantee they're not pulling in anywhere near $250 per guest.

And since when have you ever received beer money from friends who come to your house on a Saturday night? That's just tacky. Buy the damn beer. They'll do the same when you're at their house.

[cdc3217]

Originally Posted by Irishtom29

It's pretty hard to think like that and not sound like a jerk, or be one for that matter.

If you need help with the cost of the celebration then you should scale it back to something more modest; rent a VFW hall and do a potluck dinner. Don't worry, the people who love you would still enjoy themselves.

But if you want to make a grand gesture then pay for it yourself with no strings attached. For one thing if you really can't afford the gesture it's not so goddam grand, is it?

Lord help me - I agree with IrishTom.

[softdev]

You sound like a real DBag. I would definitely decline your invitation.

If you think you're going to even get half of that 28k back - you're dreaming buddy. Half the attendees are going to give china and the $300 mixer you use 1-time a year. The other half will not even come close to averaging $372/couple. If the only way you can afford the wedding is with guests covering the costs, then you've made a big mistake.

I've been to plenty of weddings. From the downtown hotels to ones hosted in community centers. They all really blend into each other now. Family, friends, and booze matter a lot more than how elegant the venue was.

p.s., 167 guests and 28k is a pretty average wedding. Get over yourself.

[jdiddy]

Originally Posted by jcarlilesiu

Greed?

How can expecting that people AT LEAST pay their way for the celebration be greedy? Thats like being invited to a party and contributing 20 bucks to the beer fund and drinking 100 bucks worth and saying "don't be so greedy" when called on it.

You expect people to be so grateful that you included them on a list that they must now supply you with $400 to attend your event, lest they be considered rude?

Interesting way to look at friends and family.