Colorado Barbie Thread (Humor) (Denver, Colorado Springs: credit card, mobile home, purchase)

[michiganbornandproud]

Recently developed Barbies for Colorado market...
1)The Castle Rock Barbie-This princess Barbie is only sold at Nordstrom,she comes with an assortment of Kate Spade handbags,a Lexus SUV,a long haired dog named Honey and a cookie cutter house.Available with or without tummy tuck and face lift.Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with augmented version...
2)Denver Barbie-The modern day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Windstar minivan and matching gym outfit.She gets lost easily and has no full time occupation.Traffic jamming cell phone sold seperately.
3)Downtown Metro Barbie-This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9MM handgun,a Ray Lewis knife,a Chevy with dark tinted windows,and a meth lab kit.This model is only available after dark,and must be paid for in cash(preferably in small unmarked bills)..unless you're a cop,then we don't know what you're talking about.
4)Pine Creek/Cherry Creek Barbie-This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer H2.Included are her own Starbucks cup,credit card,and country club membership.Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and Private school Skipper.You will not be able to afford any of them.
5)Limon Barbie-This pale model comes dressed in her Wranglers 2 sizes too small,a Nascar t-shirt,and Tweety bird tattoo on her shoulder.She has a six pack of beer,and a Hank Williams Jr. CD set.She can spit over 5 feet and kick mullet haired Ken's butt when she's drunk.Purchase her pick up truck seperately.
6)Pueblo Barbie-This tobacco-chewing brassy haired Barbie has a pair of her own high heeled sandals with one broken heel from when she chased drunken Ken outta Peyton Barbie's house.Her ensemble includes low-rise acid washed jeans,fake fingernails,and a see through halter top.Also available with mobile home.
7)Boulder Barbie-This doll is made of actual tofu.Has long,straight brown hair,archless feet,hairy armpits,no makeup,and wears Birkenstocks with white socks.She prefers to be called Willow.She does not want nor need a Ken doll.
8)Widefield Barbie-This Barbie comes with stroller and infant doll.Optional accessories include a GED and a bus pass.Gangsta Ken and his 1979 Caddy were available but have been difficult to locate since the addition of the infant.
9)Trinidad Barbie/Ken-This versatile doll can be easily converted from Barbie to Ken and back again with simply adding or subtracting multiple snap on parts.

[Charles]

This came out about five months ago. It was written up in the Gazette. You can see the pictures on this web page below, scroll down to "Southern Colorado Barbie"


uniquemuddboredom (broken link)

[steveco.]

Originally Posted by DannyBanany

Same here. Where's this Barbie Thread?

You are all in for a treat lol this is really hilarious...
Limited Edition Colorado Barbie

Mattel recently announced the release of Limited Edition Barbie Dolls for the Colorado Market:
Arvada Barbie
She's perfect in every way. We don't know who Ken is cause he's always hunting.
Highlands Ranch Barbie
This princess Barbie is only sold at Park Meadows Mall. She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade Handbags, a Lexus SUV, a long-haired foreign dog named Honey and a cookie cutter house. Available with or without tummy tuck and face lift. Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with "augmented" version.
Englewood Barbie
This modern day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Windstar Minivan and matching gym outfit. She gets lost easily and has no full time occupation or secondary education. Traffic jamming cell phone sold separately.
Colfax Barbie
This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife, a Chevy with dark tinted windows and a Meth Lab Kit. This model is only available after dark and can only be paid for in cash. Preferably small, untraceable bills. Unless you are a cop, then we don't know what you are talking about.
Cherry Creek Barbie
This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer h3. Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card and country club membership. Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper. You won't be able to afford any of them.
Commerce City Barbie
This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too small, a NASCAR shirt and tweety bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has a six pack of Coors light and a Hank Williams, Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken's butt when she's drunk. Purchuse her pickup truck separately and get a confederate flag bumper sticker bsolutely free.
Aspen Barbie
This collagen injected, rhinoplastic Barbie wears a leopard print ski outfit and drinks Cosmopolitans while entertaining friends at the lodge. Optional Percocet prescription available.
Thornton Barbie
This tobacco chewing, brassy haired Barbie has a pair of her own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased Beer-Gutted Ken out of Commerce City Barbie's house. Her ensemble includes low rise acid washed jeans, fake finger nails, and a see through halter top. Also available with a mobile home and 8-track tape player.
Boulder Barbie
This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight brown hair, archless feet, hairy armpits, no makeup and Birkenstocks with white socks. She prefers that you call her "Willow". She does not want or need a Ken doll, but if you purchase two Boulder Barbies and the optional Subaru wagon, you get a rainbow flag sticker for free.
Ft. Collins Barbie
She's basically Boulder Barbie, but with all the accessories of Highlands Ranch Barbie, plus a kayak and mountain bike. As for Ft. Collins Ken, I would expect his accessories to include a teeny tiny little Ph.D. diploma in entomology, which enables him to double as a professional fly-fishing-consultant action figure ($1200 graphite fly rod and miniature accessories licensed from Orvis sold separately) [Thanks to Scott Crawford]
Aurora Barbie
This Barbie now comes with a stroller and infant doll. Optional accessories include a GED and bus pass. Gangsta Ken and his '79 Caddy were available, but are now very difficult to find since the addition of the infant.
Greeley Barbie
This Spanish Speaking-only Barbie comes with a 1984 Toyota with expired temporary plates and three baby Barbies in the back seat, but no car seats. The optional Ken doll comes with a Meat Packers uniform and is missing three fingers on his left hand. Green Cards are not available for Barbie or Ken.
Four Corners Barbie
This Barbie is the only Native American Barbie, She sits in a booth and sells Native American Art for large sums of money to tourists.
Rifle Barbie
This Barbie comes with various bruises and several restraining orders. Front teeth missing, but optional denture is available as well as broken down barrel horse and shot glass collection.
Glenwood Springs Barbie
This Barbie comes with her own mountain bike. Available with SUV, complete with Kayak on the roof and dog in the back. Optional Ken doll also comes with his own mountain bike and dog.

[livecontent]

Stevco,

Interesting, I did not know there were all these Barbies.

I am no longer a young Ken, and the only Barbies that I maybe, that is maybe, interested in are:

Cleaning Barbie, Cooking Barbie, Laundry Barbie or most of all a Rich Barbie.

Yea, I know all you feminist are going to hit me hard--well leave me alone. I can have my dreams and they will never happen because no Barbie wants me--
a semi-misogynistic, poor, dilettante----
---------------------------------I am so happy, I have my independence, all the time in the world, my freedom, my books and no one to tell me what to do or say.

Bachelor Ken that is why I Livecontent

[DannyBanany]

I'm looking for Perfect Barbie. I'll stick to Arvada!

[marie_co]

What about the Lochbuie Barbie?
Tweaker Barbie. Comes with peel and stick open sores, arrest warrants, a single wide trailer and case of scabies.

[Mike from back east]

I'm afraid to ask about a Colorado Springs Barbie.

[marie_co]

Well....the obvious to me would be:
Evangelical Barbie coming outfitted in a nice modest suit adorned with a gold cross and a Holy Bible - King James version of course. Barbie drives a mini van with a Jesus fish and two bumper stickers - proud parent of an honor student and man + woman = marriage.

[deegers]

Originally Posted by marie_co

Well....the obvious to me would be:
Evangelical Barbie coming outfitted in a nice modest suit adorned with a gold cross and a Holy Bible - King James version of course. Barbie drives a mini van with a Jesus fish and two bumper stickers - proud parent of an honor student and man + woman = marriage.

Seems like the best Barbie on the list. Considerate, sincere, good head on her shoulders, high morals, and has a smart family.

I couldn't help myself. But, hey, what the heck.

[steveco.]

Of course there would be two types of colorado springs barbie. The one mentioned and then there would be colorado springs barbie military barbie...