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That is nuts!! we wanted the rights- to study and have a career- not to be underpaid and subject to 3 part time jobs- and a lot of men have become total wusss dead beat dads --
give everybody a FULL TIME JOB with a living wage and much will change
You know, the waters have become so muddied as of late that questions on living wages, family values, middle class, societal responsibilities and a plethora of other topics are nearly impossible to discuss or understand.
All these year-round soccer leagues and private pitching lessons, math tutors and Spanish tutors.
Choosing to take a job over an hour away instead just living more frugally.
In many cases, the stress is caused by our own choices.
Been there, done that, and have regrets. If I had to do it over again, I wouldn't run here, there, and everywhere carting my two kids to soccer league practice and traveling team games, football, gymnastics, etc., at various times in their childhoods. My husband covered a five-state territory and was gone 75% of the time, so much of it fell on me. My choice. His choice to take that job, which he eventually quit because he didn't feel like he was a part of the family as much as he would've like to have been.
Now that we are older and the kids are long gone, we see younger parents doing the same and are realizing there is a better way. Just wish we would've figured it out a lot sooner.
Been there, done that, and have regrets. If I had to do it over again, I wouldn't run here, there, and everywhere carting my two kids to soccer league practice and traveling team games, football, gymnastics, etc., at various times in their childhoods. My husband covered a five-state territory and was gone 75% of the time, so much of it fell on me. My choice. His choice to take that job, which he eventually quit because he didn't feel like he was a part of the family as much as he would've like to have been.
Now that we are older and the kids are long gone, we see younger parents doing the same and are realizing there is a better way. Just wish we would've figured it out a lot sooner.
Did you see a difference between the kids who participated in many activities and those who did not? I do with the older children of friends and family members. Those who participated in many activities tended to stay out of trouble, do better in school and earned more money towards college. They are more mature and empathetic than their counterparts who were allowed to sit around, doing nothing.
I am not a parent or have kids but it does seem like so many of my colleagues and friends who are happen to be in a constant tizzy.
One of my colleagues drive sixty miles one way through hellish traffic once he gets to the city - it's often ninety minutes one way. Lay that commute on top of ten work days and two small kids and it's a wonder he's still going. Meanwhile, I've made the decision to not have kids, am home in fifteen minutes or so, and have the evenings to myself and my girlfriend.
Do you see most modern families in a constant state of stress?
I hear you about the traffic. A long time ago, I decided that I would never live more than 20 or 30 minutes from work. That meant paying a little more for housing, but it's worked out well for me. To answer your question, yes families are too stressed out. It's their lives though, not really my business to tell them how to live it.
There was only one boy on my son's middle school wrestling team last year who had private lessons and belonged to a private competitive league. He was the best on the team.
When they competed against schools in the rougher, more urban areas, he got beat too. Badly. But he took it so much harder than the other kids. He would sit down and be wracked with sobs and trying to hide it from the others. If they tried to console him, he would lash out with anger. It made me so sad to see him under so much stress at the age of 13.
But I can just imagine the conversations on the way home:
"Do you realize how much time and money we have put into this? And you get pinned in the first 30 seconds???"
I think these parents have the best intentions in the world, but in many cases are crushing their kids spirit.
Have you ever noticed some parents playing the "second time around" game. They are trying, through their kids, to return to their own youth or at least their rosy perception of their own youth.
I would never inflict my youth on anyone and no way in Hell do I want a "second time around".
Here's an excerpt from an article from The Atlantic discussing how youth sports evolved to become so competitive. The first paragraph really resonates with me as training up budding workaholic slaves who work/ compete all day mentally at school (and a good bit of what they must learn is useless nonsense) and then work/compete physically into the evening prepping citizens for lives of near never-ending work and productivity.
"Sports were seen as important in teaching the “American” values of cooperation, hard work, and respect for authority. According to historian Robert Halpern, progressive reformers thought athletic activities could prepare children for the “new industrial society that was emerging,” which would require them to be physical laborers. Organized youth groups took on the responsibility of providing children with sports activities."
The article continues...
"Historian Peter Stearns writes that the 1960s saw, “a growing competitive frenzy over college admissions as a badge of parental fulfillment.” Parental anxiety reached a new level because the surge in attendance by Boomers had strained college facilities, and it became increasingly clear that the top schools could not keep up with the demand, meaning that students might not be admitted to the level of college they expected, given their class background. This became even more problematic with the rise of coeducation and the nationalization and democratization of the applicant pool, fueled by the GI Bill, recruiting, and technology that produced better information for applicants. In The Game of Life: College Sports and Educational Values, former Princeton University president William Bowen (along with administrator James Shulman) link this parental anxiety to an increased focus on athletics as a protection for kids against getting pushed out of colleges where they “deserved” to earn slots.
Interestingly, the competitive frenzy over college admissions did not abate in the 1970s and 1980s, when it was actually easier to gain admission to college, given the decline in application numbers after the Baby Boomers. Instead, more aware of the stakes, families became more competitive and even more competitive afterschool activities for kids continued to develop, evolve, and intensify, particularly in the 1990s. For example, in 1995 the Amateur Athletic Union sponsored about 100 national championships for youth athletes; about a decade later that number had grown to over 250.
I find, along with economists Valerie and Garey Ramey in their work “The Rug Rat Race,” that with the Echo Boom in the late 1990s and early 2000s, it once again became harder to get into a “top” college. It was not just that there was an increase in the college-age population, but also that there were record numbers of applications to the most elite colleges and universities with students applying to many more schools than ever before.
This reality has created an incredibly competitive atmosphere for families now, as parents start earlier and earlier in their children’s lives on the long march to college admission. In some parts of the country some parents with higher class standing start grooming their children for competitive preschool admissions, setting their children on an Ivy League track from early on.
Competitive children’s activities have certainly evolved since they began in late 19th-century America. Now there are more activities, a greater number of competitions, and a change in the class backgrounds of competitors. It’s thanks to changes in the 20th-century educational system—like compulsory schooling, the self-esteem movement, and higher-stakes college admissions—that this is how American families are spending leisure time today."
Did you see a difference between the kids who participated in many activities and those who did not?[/b] I do with the older children of friends and family members. Those who participated in many activities tended to stay out of trouble, do better in school and earned more money towards college. They are more mature and empathetic than their counterparts who were allowed to sit around, doing nothing.[/b]
As a Youth Coach, this is what i try to Explain to people.
8 of 32 kids i coached on my sons football team are attending, 4 year Universities. Only one of them is playing football.
I laugh at all these people attacking youth sports. Participation in Youth sports have been down for a while now.
Childhood Obesity and type II diabetes in Children are now though the roof.
Quote:
Originally Posted by GregW
Have you ever noticed some parents playing the "second time around" game. They are trying, through their kids, to return to their own youth or at least their rosy perception of their own youth.
I would never inflict my youth on anyone and no way in Hell do I want a "second time around".
Let Me ask you question?
Did the way you grew up make you a Stronger, or Weaker person in Adulthood?
I think there's a sweet spot between couch potato and travel league. We found it with a community summer swim league and twice a week conditioning during the school year through the local rec center. It was enough that they were challenged but not overwhelmed. Two of our three kids were able to land a spot on their high school swim team, and the third will do the same next year. The crazy travel schedule I see some of their peers trying to handle is just not something I was willing to support.
Last edited by randomparent; 11-12-2015 at 02:36 PM..
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