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I'm totally scared. My hubby and I just got confirmation on a job offer out there and it's official....we're moving. Faster than we know it, we'll be out there...probably by December. All along I've been excited but as soon as the offer came into our hands I've been very emmotional knowing that I'll be leaving my entire family and life as I knew it. I'll be 35 next week. I'm very close to my parents, sister, brother and especially my neices and nephews all who live here in CT. I suddenly feel very guilty for leaving everyone behind and taking my children away from all of our family. However, we will be moving closer to my other brother and his family of 4 kids so it will be different for us. Although we're family I don't have the relationship with him as I do with kin back at home (obviously). I have an urge to say let's just stay put but I know if I don't take the leap now I never will. My oldest daughter will be entering kindergarden this fall. It's way too easy to just stay put than it is to move. I have never left CT in my life. I'm glad all of you have the same feelings I've been having. I need all the reassurance I can get right now. I don't want to move out there and know that I've made I huge mistake although I love it out there. I've asked this questions many times on this forum but nobody wants to answer me...........How long does it take to get over home-sickness and having the urge to just pack up and head back home? CT will always be home for me, but I'm hoping it doesn't take long for me to realize that CO will soon be my home.
I moved to Denver 17.5 years ago, took me a week to find our first house ( a condo) and six months later a real house. I go to SF/SJ area once or twice a year...home is where my family is.
The cutoff for kindergarten is 5 by Sept 15.
Hey and unless you are buying in the mountains...it's a buyers market, your money buys more property here!
I totally relate, my wife and I are planning and although I did alot of moving when I was single this seems like there's alot more riding on it, I keep trying to look at all the factors involved and possible areas to go to, I don't want to be a victim of the grass is greener again, apprehension is totally normal I understand, doing a pros and cons list helps.
I'm with you. My hubby and I moved quite a bit (including 4 years in Hawaii) with the military- moved home to Texas and can't wait to leave. We really want to move to colorado- or anywhere cooler with mountains and outdoor activities. My husband is a homebuilder with David Weekly homes and would go where he could get a job. But we've never relocated on our own before and scared to death! Everywhere we look it seems that if there is a job market, the housing costs are out of sight.
Also- we really want my mom (54yo) to move with us. She is scared to death to do that- recently divorced and worried to be starting over in a new place.
I can relate to her, when I was younger it was a piece of cake for me to say, lets go live so and so.........Now that I am almost 50/divorced I feel like I should just be happy whereever I am. Mind you, I moved away and have lived here for 13yrs and now ready for another move. No family here to leave but a few good friends. It is hard to leave behind people u have met that have impacted your life in some way. U know u will never see them again, that is the hardest on me. Even if u promise to keep in touch, there are those that don't or those u JUST never see again and u always wonder what happened to them. I too was in the military maybe that is where I get that from.....lol.
For me, it isn't the move or what is going to happen to me......I can handle the "me" stuff. Its the people I leave behind! I know I will meet new ones, but u can't forget the old ones easily.
My family and I were never close because I was away so much, but living long distance makes it even worse, u are pretty much a stranger unless u keep in touch with everyone on a very regular basis, and life gets pretty busy to do that. Needless to say my sisters don't know me very well. I don't know them very well. It is sad, but we all have our own lives to live. Esp since they are all older than me.....Most of my nephews and nieces are married and have families of their own. It happens!
Not sure where I was going with this........LOL. Moving is hard no matter what the circumstances.
I'd like to offer a few random thoughts. Curious in CT, since everyone's situation/flexibility is different, I'm not sure any of us have the same "breaking in" period upon moving, thus, our rate of adjustment would be different lengths of time. If you're a stay-at-home mom who's busy with small kids, is it easier to adjust because you have no extra time for a wandering mind & lots of your husband's support? Is it easier if you're single & don't have to scuffle to care for anyone but yourself? Is it easier with 2 kids rather than 3? Is it easier in the suburbs or urban locales? Depends on if you're coming from a small city to a large or vice versa & which makes you the most comfortable. If it's small town to small town, your adjustment time could be alot less, no? If it's from Miami to Denver, that's quite a rude awakening in temp, but think of it like this - someone looking forward to skiing or whose kids are aching to build a snowman, would surely adjust easier. Is it harder if you're leaving behind family/friends or harder to not be leaving much behind but now moving to where you still know no one? We all have to weigh our own options. In my experience, I've always gained something new & left something behind with each move - for better & worse. Nothing's perfect, but by being clear & precise in what we want beforehand, we'll certainly get closer to it, faster.
When I've moved (1/2-dozen times out-of-state to large cities), it seems 1-mo is the magic # for me. Don't forget that such a move means you've just changed every major area of your life at one time & those of your kids, if you have them. For me, the fear usually sets in after the move, rather than before. Before, I'm too busy researching/planning/packing & it's exciting to be off on a new venture. Afterwards, as I sit in my almost-empty apt with unpacked boxes, can't find the local market/movie theatre/espresso bar, can't quite grasp the local accent yet, have a dwindling bank account while I'm looking for a job, know no one & get lost every time I venture out, what hits me is "what on earth did I do?" after days of thinking nothing but the above. It's natural to be afraid, but calming down & not overexaggerating events in my head, is what always pulls me thru. That restlessness is very strong for 3-4 days, lessens as the week goes by & after a few weeks I've slowly acclimated. Peace for me, usually comes after I find a job, because I now have a schedule, am beginning to know a few locals & know $ will be coming in & not just flying out of my pocket.
In Re: to several others with moving fears, I do feel that our biggest fear is what we movers could work on first, for our own sense of peace. Why research all the little details, if your moster in the closet is really being terrified about finding a good-paying job in your field (if your field exists there) & not sure you can afford the rent/mortgage/area even if you do find a job? Californian's on the site have mentioned taking a 50% paycut upon moving. Can you live on that in CO? Depends on how much 50% is & if another paycheck is coming in, in your household. So, perhaps in this case calls beforehand to set up a chunk of interviews is ideal, whether alone or thru an agency. Then the other details will fall into place once you secure your job. Your mind will now be freer. Why move rurally if you're single & a new relationship is a priority? Sure you may find someone in a town of 8K, but I'd rather be in a 1/4-million+ population for more choices, then move rurally as a couple, in the future. If your monster in the closet is safety as you live alone or have small kids or never lived in a large city before, why move to any high crime areas, even if you've secured the best paying job ever? So, what are your priorities?
For those who were asking about methods, I do make lists of pros/cons of everything, (almost lists of lists) prioritize what's important, then weed out. My priority list is - employment; reasonable rent (so I can afford my own apt); colleges (as I'm returning to school); easy access to parks, theatres, independant film, museums, walking/hiking access, Starbucks (not kidding), local "cheap eats"; organic food; some kind of fun, safe nightlife (as I'm single); nearby gym or workout facility in my bldg. My mid-range desires, which are negotiable if the above are present, are - low crime; pleasant climate (prefer warm/dry); ocean, mountains or beautiful locale; ethnic restaurants; walkable city; distance from work; commuting time. Low priority are - public transportation (I'd rather drive); available parking spaces (I'm used to praying for one).
One last thing, I only visited 1 area prior to moving & that's the only area I didn't like. I left in 1-yr. Visiting & living there are not comparable. Every other time, my decisions were based on research, lots of phone calls, asking EveryOne & gut feeling. Worked out great everytime.
Cheers, then... Baltic_Celt
Last edited by Baltic_Celt; 08-22-2006 at 04:34 PM..
Reason: Grammar
Thanks for your input. I guess I was looking for a magic time frame that was common to everyone who's ever moved. I will be busy with my kids for sure. That will keep me from constantly wondering off into la la land and thinking about everything I've walked away from. I'll most certainly be very sad for a while missing my family or not being able to just drive to a friend's house and just hang out when I want to. I know my daughter entering school will help solve that situation meeting new moms/dads. I know I'll do just fine but I feel guilty for making my family members back here miss me and moving so far away. That's why they make airplanes right? I'll get over it.
Thanks for your input. I guess I was looking for a magic time frame that was common to everyone who's ever moved. I will be busy with my kids for sure. That will keep me from constantly wondering off into la la land and thinking about everything I've walked away from. I'll most certainly be very sad for a while missing my family or not being able to just drive to a friend's house and just hang out when I want to. I know my daughter entering school will help solve that situation meeting new moms/dads. I know I'll do just fine but I feel guilty for making my family members back here miss me and moving so far away. That's why they make airplanes right? I'll get over it.
Curious -
You're very welcome, no worries. Several things come to mind after reading your post:
1. You're very lucky to have such a lovely family/friends, to know you'll miss them so much - and - right you are, planes go everywhere! If you created a nice circle of friends in one place, then it's possible to do it again, anywhere.
2. Your restlessness/concern shows what a good mom you must be & how important your kids are to you. So pat yourself on the back. They'll look back on the move as being fun, I'm sure.
3. Honestly, when I've moved from any area, even one I wasn't too fond of, I still had a sense of loss, only because every area of my life just changed. It's normal & natural to resist change, even just a bit & even if we were looking forward to it. It's still an adjustment that has to be made. We're very flexible beings & years of chasing around behind your kids has already proven that.
4. Like anything else that requires a settling in period (your kids' terrible 2's; surgeries; loosing a job; our first gray hair) once the event has passed, we can all look back & say "Wow, I/we got thru it just fine"!
You're doing just fine. Just keep moving forward, day by day, little by little & if you wish the best for yourself, it will surely happen. As you've said, there is no magic timeframe, no matter the subject, but I do know that the one you choose will surely be the best, for you & your family.
Have fun... Bye... Baltic_Celt
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prioritize what's important, then weed out. My priority list is - employment; reasonable rent (so I can afford my own apt); colleges (as I'm returning to school); easy access to parks, theatres, independant film, museums, walking/hiking access, Starbucks (not kidding), local "cheap eats"; organic food; some kind of fun, safe nightlife (as I'm single); nearby gym or workout facility in my bldg. My mid-range desires, which are negotiable if the above are present, are - low crime; pleasant climate (prefer warm/dry); ocean, mountains or beautiful locale; ethnic restaurants; walkable city; distance from work; commuting time. Low priority are - public transportation (I'd rather drive); available parking spaces (I'm used to praying for one).
