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Old 11-05-2011, 03:28 PM
Location: Northern Illinois
2,187 posts, read 3,617,882 times
Reputation: 6351


I hope you two are open enough with each other to have a major discussion of your feelings about the relocation, what your expectations may be (or become) and keep a positive thread of dialogue open about not only the future of the relationship, but how you can both TOGETHER work through any issues. I'm sure he's thought about the future of the relationship also and he probably has some thoughts on the matter. If he's in a PHD program, he's no dummy, and I am sure you two can get through this and be even stronger on the other side. I hope you have no stars in your eyes (get one on the finger, though!!!) and someday you'll sit back and reflect and wonder what all the fuss was about. I wish you all the best, try and relax a bit, and enjoy all that this wonderful life brings your way. Keep us posted.....
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Old 11-05-2011, 03:30 PM
Location: in here, out there
3,064 posts, read 5,603,514 times
Reputation: 5109
Just pay someone else to do all the work.
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Old 11-05-2011, 04:14 PM
18,852 posts, read 31,727,414 times
Reputation: 26118
No, stress about everything, avoid it, blow it off, procrastinate to the last two days, thenthe adrenaline kicks in, you go thru stuff in warp speed, because it MUST be done, you throw stuff away, toss stuff, it is crazy. You don't sleep for two days, and do everything in that last 48 hours. Yep, that was my last move. It worked for me.

Okay, I don't recommend that method, but it does work.
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Old 11-05-2011, 04:29 PM
Location: Brooklyn,NY
10,614 posts, read 13,154,501 times
Reputation: 16173
Default Very..

I have moved about every 5-6 years, And it's very stressful, Even moving to a better place. Packing, Packing, packing. Calling utilities, and even worse. The search for new digs. Even tougher if you have to move for some reason. And with every move something got lost-Mind you all my moves were within the same town. I also worked through the last move (My fault.) Was at work 7 AM after moving all day. My fault there though.
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Old 11-05-2011, 04:34 PM
Location: southern california
55,668 posts, read 74,637,859 times
Reputation: 48184
very much. also changing cars anything like that.
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Old 11-05-2011, 04:36 PM
Location: Portland, OR
603 posts, read 566,820 times
Reputation: 578
Very stressful - especially when you can't take time off work (I have a major project deadline coming up) and I am moving in 6 days!!! AHHHHHH!
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Old 11-05-2011, 05:32 PM
Status: "Be yourself. What's the alternative?" (set 22 days ago)
8,704 posts, read 10,847,720 times
Reputation: 12767
Make sure you get a place with enough room. Living together can be more stressful when you feel squished in together like sardines. Have a den or something that's just yours.
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Old 11-05-2011, 06:38 PM
9,012 posts, read 8,317,778 times
Reputation: 14429
I don't consider it stressful at all. I love to move, hate being in the same location for too long. So when I move it's always a positive experience
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Old 11-05-2011, 08:54 PM
Location: southwest TN
8,225 posts, read 14,937,379 times
Reputation: 14983
OP, I'm a tad bit older than you - in fact have grandkids your age. I did a move similar to what you are doing now 14 years ago. Expect your stress level to increase the closer to moving time it gets. You have several factors that are known stress-events:

1. Moving to a new state
2. Moving into an established residence - his friends/family are there - you have no one but him
3. Depending on someone to help you when you have insufficient history in similar situations to know that you can, in fact, depend upon him to uphold his end of the bargain
4. Leaving behind friends/family/coworkers - all that is familiar
5. Beginning a new relationship -- you have had an LDR and this is a new phase, a whole new set of parameters
6. Finding/beginning a new job

It's quite recognized in psych literature that any change causes stress - even good changes.
Now you are facing 6 events in one. If he doesn't understand that you are stressing, tell him to do some research on the topic and you will be expecting him to be supportive of YOUR stress regardless whether he understands. He doesn't have to experience stress in order to accept that you are.

This is actually a good test of your relationship.

When I moved in with my partner, I left a state where I'd lived and raised my children and spent the first 4 years of their lives with my grandchildren. I was moving 4 hours away, but 4 states away. I didn't really know him - it was an LDR. While I was moving closer to my family of origin, I was not moving to any kind of familiar territory. He showed up as promised the day after Thanksgiving 14 years ago. He walked in to my apartment (where he'd never been) and took over so smoothly without usurping, it felt as though he'd been with me all along. I was exhausted and my stress level had me unable to think - thank goodness I'm basically an organized person and had lists to follow.

It was a really good window into our future together - knowing I could always count on him. I hope you will be pleasantly surprised.
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Old 11-05-2011, 10:56 PM
Location: Austin, Texas
538 posts, read 1,660,373 times
Reputation: 354
I totally agree with PhxBarb. After leaving my parents house at 23 I moved every two years until I was 30. This summer we moved after being in our home for 14 years. Even though I am not a "keeper" and felt somewhat organized, it was much more stressful to move this time. I really think it is harder as you get older. The last time I moved I had 3 kids under 9 and I was 9 months pregnant, yet this move was soooo stressful.

Give yourself a break and take off as much time as possible before the move, especially since it is around the holidays ( a stressful time in and of itself). If it were me I would chalk up this holiday to moving and do the least amount possible. People will understand when you explain your situation.
Whatever you do, don't let others discount your feelings. Everyone handles moving differently. Remember though, moving IS statistically known to be one of the major stresses in life.
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