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I totally cannot wrap my head around people who stay within 50 miles of their family, forever. They spend their weekends with their brothers and sisters, and parents, every holiday, one adult woman, refused to let her husband take a promotion, becuase she would have to move away from her parents.
Seems completely enmeshed to me. Come on already, cut the apron strings. Move to a new place, make new friends.
I suppose it is a value thing. Or something. I remember taking my son to boot camp, when he joined the Army. I dropped him off at the airport, and wished him well on his journey. He has been overseas twice now, stationed several places in the US, and has loved every minute of his life now...well, there was this one sargent in boot camp, he did not exactly, "love", but remembers him fondly when talking about the worst a hole he ever met...
Some of us come from very loving, close and supportive familes which is becoming rarer in this country. Thus, don't judge people like me who value family bonds and love more then "spreading our wings" and flying all over the world just because we "should" and don't feel like moving away from our family for a variety of personal reasons.
Some of us come from very loving, close and supportive familes which is becoming rarer in this country. Thus, don't judge people like me who value family bonds and love more then "spreading our wings" and flying all over the world just because we "should" and don't feel like moving away from our family for a variety of personal reasons.
I think even if you have a loving family it's good to spread your wings and experience a new place, even if it is just for a few years. There's nothing wrong with coming back if that really is what you like.
I definitely agree. Some people are just afraid to step out. I am moving from FL to CA in a month with no job or knowing anyone, but with lots of savings. Just picking up and leaving.
I do think I will learn a lot about myself. I'm sure things operate differently on the other end of the country, not to mention moving from a suburb to a big city. But I'm ready for it, mainly just excited to have a life and great experiences.
People here don't see any point in moving away from where they grew up. I don't get it.
I moved from Socal to Oklahoma after getting where I couldn't stand the endless people. When I was sure about it and told the neighbors, I got lots of blank looks and why would anyone want to move there kind of comments. Best decision I ever made and it was a true leap of faith. And maybe channeling the pioneer ancestors a bit too.
Leaving your comfrort zone, even if its not the right place for you, is hard, but once you are in unfamiliar settings you start to see things differently and its a wider world. You know its not all the same kind of place and just everything being new is energizing. Even if it doesn't work out, you'll never lose that understanding. And some won't ever leave the known because it might not work out as you thought it would. Some are perfectly content with things as they are. Takes all kinds.
I'll assume you've never been to an "old" country, Latin country, Asian country, etc. And you should see what happens when a Vietnamese or Cambodian leaves their family at the airport to board a plane! Okay, it's not the U.S., and I'm like you that I can't fathom loving my family that much, but let's face it - family and friends are not a priority in our society. Therefore, it's easy for us to make the move.
Personally, I believe that every American who graduates high school should be required to live in another country for a min. of 6 months. If that happened, this country would be so different (in a good way).
Most of us either come from people who did make that decision, though, and in a time when ever seeing family again was unlikely. I think it changed the tone of our society over these more traditional areas. Some of us may be very close to that generation or been part of the family who moved on too.
Today we have the unique ability to talk to and even see live the family left behind, too, and this was not a luxury former wanderers likely had. I wonder how many today see it as a one way trip like it was for them.
When I up and moved, I moved with the idea that whatever happened, there was no going back. I have visited, but there is this very very odd feeling of it being 'home' with this see through wall which seperates you.
I really needed to read this post, OP. I'm at a crossroads in my life in my early 40s, wanting to leave my current city/state to return to the city/state of my childhood which I've always missed. I've lived away from my family only in the past 24 years; southern China for a year where I taught English at a university (not through a program either, but on a recommendation from a professor), Chicago for three years where I worked in advertising as an exec asst (hated that job). Both times were definitely periods of personal growth for me.
When I lived in southern China, I didn't speak the language but learned it from students who tutored me. I immersed myself in the culture there, even co-hosting a Chinese-English radio show on the weekends and writing a bi-monthly English column for the city's newspaper (which was mangled each time by the paper's editor whose grasp of the English language was horrible at best b/c he put periods in the middle of my sentences!). I almost stayed in China b/c I was offered a teaching job in Macao but I chickened out due to lack of money. I flew home to a dysfunctional family environment which I immediately regret. When I lived in Chicago for 3 years, I quickly grew exhausted by the city's fast pace, expensive cab rides, and lack of "quiet." But, I regret leaving when I did because if I'd landed a better job I'd probably still live there and not on my current path as it is.
But now I'm in my early 40s, extremely unhappy with my life and how it's turned out due to the direction some of my decisions have taken me. I have the chance to move to my childhood home town now that I'll have a spring refund from my last semester of grad school. I already contacted a cousin on Facebook to ask for help. The cousin said they were too busy, but would be happy to hang out with me occasionally after I made my move. Well, I can contact my aunt (my cousin's mother) who is a semi-retired realtor.
Although I dred the idea of living with my aunt for an extended period of time, it's the most likely scenario as I am not sure how to secure a job in another state. I got a job in Chicago after I moved there. It took me a year to find a job, but I had savings to live off and had a roommate so that made it possible. This way, I wouldn't have to pay rent if I lived with my aunt. I could acclimate myself, get my bearings, job search, find a job, then after I secure the job, join some Meetups, I could search for my own place.
Either way I look at it, I know the move to my childhood city/state is motivated by personal growth because I am deeply miserable where I currently live. I would miss one of my siblings and their children, but that's not a good enough reason to stay where I am if I am unhappy. I'm scared of the unknown if I do move there, but what I'm more afraid of is how my life will remain stagnant and in limbo if I stay where I currently live.
What's worse? Accepting sub par quality of life, or taking a risk to see if a move leads to a better quality of life. For all I know it could. Or it could be a colossal mistake. But I have to take that chance or I'll kick myself.
Im kinda of playing the waiting game right now. I worked a part time job in addition to my full-time job for 2 yrs. just to pad my savings account. I let the part time job go in August of last year because it was beginning to be too much.. But it did help to get a substancial amount in the savings. 1/21 will be one year that my house has been on the market.(BTW, just lowered price again ). Im hoping by June it will sell so that I can relocate. And no dont want to rent because it would be just too much of a headache, as it is just me....But will admit, I hate being in 'limbo" like this...
I am trying to decide whether to move to Chicago or stay in California. I have lived here my whole life, and I think moving to a new area without anyone I know could be quite the eye opener for me. I think I would experience much personal growth in going there, but it just a question of overcoming my fears to actually make the move.
I moved from Socal to Oklahoma after getting where I couldn't stand the endless people. When I was sure about it and told the neighbors, I got lots of blank looks and why would anyone want to move there kind of comments. Best decision I ever made and it was a true leap of faith. And maybe channeling the pioneer ancestors a bit too.
Leaving your comfrort zone, even if its not the right place for you, is hard, but once you are in unfamiliar settings you start to see things differently and its a wider world. You know its not all the same kind of place and just everything being new is energizing. Even if it doesn't work out, you'll never lose that understanding. And some won't ever leave the known because it might not work out as you thought it would. Some are perfectly content with things as they are. Takes all kinds.
Oh, I'm certainly doing it! Next month, can't wait. But you're right, some people just don't understand or get it.
I've spent my whole life in the Bay Area. A couple different cities but still The Bay. Occasionally I think about this, about moving somewhere completely different "just for the experience" and it's not that I'm afraid to step out of my comfort zone but I can't think of many zones I don't expeirience already right here in CA. Maybe it's a difference between being from a small town somewhere vs being from a place like this. I mean, HERE is where may folks come to get that unique life experience and new perspectives...I'm just not sure it would work for me in reverse. Maybe if I were unhappy, but I'm not. And it's so convenient having all my friends and family around. Maybe if we didn't get along, but we do. I'm not ruling it out, but there would have to be a reason besides "just because".
When you experience world more than just one town or one country, it definitely changes you, you grow onto the levels that people who never been anywhere or travelled very little can't reach. I left my hometown when I was 20, I'm now 40. I travelled the world and made Australia my home. I go back to the little town I grew up in every 3-4 years and stay for approx 2 weeks as my dad still lives there. In all honesty, I can't connect to people from my childhood who haven't experienced world and life on the same level I did. No judgment what so ever, I love them dearly hence making an effort to cross the ocean, spend money, etc but they have not grown as people since high school days. It's same when meeting people here, in Brisbane...you can tell by the way they speak or questions they ask that they don't see beyond this city. And that is perfectly ok.
The way I see it, travel, learning about different cultures, changing environment, experiencing all that world has to offer is a form of education. Some people are just not drawn into that kind of learning.
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And you should see what happens when a Vietnamese or Cambodian leaves their family at the airport to board a plane! Okay, it's not the U.S., and I'm like you that I can't fathom loving my family that much, but let's face it - family and friends are not a priority in our society. Therefore, it's easy for us to make the move. 
). Im hoping by June it will sell so that I can relocate. And no dont want to rent because it would be just too much of a headache, as it is just me....But will admit, I hate being in 'limbo" like this...
