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Now I know I will end up sounding rather pathetic, but we're really at the end of our rope here, and need some non-family/non employer advice....
Here's the story, wife and I moved from MT about 5 years ago to Maine...wife's family lives in NY, I'm from the midwest, we met out West. After a year living and teaching in the most horrible place we've both ever lived (a small 1/2 rez, 1/2 tweaker town in MT whose name I will not mention here) my wife went to Maine on a temp job for her employer, she was glad to get out of there! She fell in love with the area and I happened to get a teaching job in that town, it seems serendipitous and we left. After almost 6 years here, we have not bought a home (though we could) as we have not felt like it is "home" we've moved to another area of Maine, for my career, and it is a place we do not like in any way, we've been here a year. We don't liked the other area, but hate it here, it is just not us.
Now mind you, we loved MT, DW worked for the NPS so we lived in some beautiful places such as West Glacier. But yeah, we know MT is hard to make a living in, and expensive! All these years in Maine, we have been missing the Rocky mountains, big wilderness, public land, big wildlife everywhere..etc....a lot.
So now I have a more or less lateral job offer in North Idaho, a place we have been and like. Seems a little more do-able than MT as far as buying a house and stuff goes. But the thing is...we've both had good job offers out West since we moved to Maine and haven't been able to make the move, and we always feel regretful after the fact. But it is like, we are frozen. We know we are afraid of living in another situation like we left in MT, that town was scary! But logically, the new place out there is not like that...not many places are thankfully.
So, how to get unfrozen before we regret another lost opportunity and just keep treading water in a place we don't want to live in!
Well, just do it and don't look back. I am moving to Northern Vermont with hubby here soon and it is downright scary. After he suffered some medical issues we decided it best we leave the high stress of Northern Virginia. Now that is is nearing close it is really, really scary. I am enjoying my last days in the townhouse we've lived in since 2003. I know nothing will ever be the same. I have friends here, I have a routine....lol, I am moving from a place I don't love....but I am familiar with and not unhappy with. However, I know that my husband needs the change and it will probably do good for both of us. What is the worst that can happen? You don't like it....move again. Sure, it's a lot. But what you don't want to do is look back on your life with regrets. I didn't want to regret not making the move north and giving it a shot....but it's still super scary.
Go for it. You have the benefit of going someplace you know you'll like. Especially since you've been there. If you aren't putting down roots in Maine, then don't talk yourself out of the move by focusing on the unknown. Focus on the positives! It's what I've done in all of our moves (I'm a military spouse) and it's served me very well. I may not have liked the landscape but there have always been good friends and new places to explore and experience.
Do not settle for a life someplace you don't want to be, for heaven's sake! Life is too short.
It is your thinking and analyzing and thinking and analyzing that keeps you stuck, frozen.
Your mind is not your friend and will continue to play with you if you let it. Do your research and take action. When you notice your mind telling you the worst case scenario, STOP and think of something else, anything else. There is a place somewhere that is better suited for you....believe that.
I had that situation about ten years ago, had a house, furniture, the whole thing. Moving felt impossible.
I was overwhelmed by even the thought of doing a change, I had a good job, albeit, a poorly paid one, but secure.
I literally flipped a coin. Stay or jump in with both feet and change everything. I jumped.
No regrets. It was an amazing transformation of the way I viewed myself and my life, my goals, accomplishments, I won't say moving solved all my issues, but at least the inertia was taken care of.
Do what it takes to get out of there. If you have to use your credit cards and take on some debt, don't be afraid to do that to get out of your situation. I feel your pain on getting out of Montana. That place was toxic for me.
imagine your stuck where you are for another ten years or more, that should be enough to get you to go. go for it, you have to be happier any where else than where you are
At the very least, just move. Even if you are not sure that the place you are moving to will be perfect, if not, move again in a few years. You do not have home ownership holding you back. Turn it into an adventure. There is nothing worse than living in a place you do not like, being stagnant, and bored, and day dreaming about being somewhere else. Do you want to look back and realize you wasted an entire decade of your life treading water where you did not feel at home? Life is too short.
Now I know I will end up sounding rather pathetic, but we're really at the end of our rope here, and need some non-family/non employer advice....
Here's the story, wife and I moved from MT about 5 years ago to Maine...wife's family lives in NY, I'm from the midwest, we met out West. After a year living and teaching in the most horrible place we've both ever lived (a small 1/2 rez, 1/2 tweaker town in MT whose name I will not mention here) my wife went to Maine on a temp job for her employer, she was glad to get out of there! She fell in love with the area and I happened to get a teaching job in that town, it seems serendipitous and we left. After almost 6 years here, we have not bought a home (though we could) as we have not felt like it is "home" we've moved to another area of Maine, for my career, and it is a place we do not like in any way, we've been here a year. We don't liked the other area, but hate it here, it is just not us.
Now mind you, we loved MT, DW worked for the NPS so we lived in some beautiful places such as West Glacier. But yeah, we know MT is hard to make a living in, and expensive! All these years in Maine, we have been missing the Rocky mountains, big wilderness, public land, big wildlife everywhere..etc....a lot.
So now I have a more or less lateral job offer in North Idaho, a place we have been and like. Seems a little more do-able than MT as far as buying a house and stuff goes. But the thing is...we've both had good job offers out West since we moved to Maine and haven't been able to make the move, and we always feel regretful after the fact. But it is like, we are frozen. We know we are afraid of living in another situation like we left in MT, that town was scary! But logically, the new place out there is not like that...not many places are thankfully.
So, how to get unfrozen before we regret another lost opportunity and just keep treading water in a place we don't want to live in!
None of us can foresee the future; just make a list of pros/cons to aid in your decision making. Ensure you also designate what are the "Won't Tolerate"; "Must Haves"; and "Could Care Less About" so that you can feel as confident as possible before you hire the moving van.
There is NO perfect place; and we all have different priorities and preferences. What's 'perfect', is what's as perfect as can be for each person/couple.
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