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those that have done it, how did it end up working out?
we currently live in NY and my spouse does not want to ever move any further than driving distance from her family (parents and sister).
i am somewhat the opposite and think in the "you only live once" mindset.
i don't think either stance is wrong per say, but i do find it disappointing (obviously not a dealbreaker as we had this discussion prior to marriage) that she isn't on the same wavelength.
i am curious if anyone else has faced similar situation and what the ultimate outcome was.
i am not, yet. had a theoretical conversation last night that didn't go over so well; along the lines of "hey would you ever be willing to move to CA, CO, WA, OR."
i understand her position. her job as a teacher is pretty solid here AND her network is here. my job is very transferable and i have a higher ceiling.
was definitely more of a "would you ever" question - and i get the impression the answer is "no".
Maybe your wife wants to stay because she will end up with a pension with the school district she is in. Moving she will no longer have that. She is looking at what could happen in the future.
Maybe your wife wants to stay because she will end up with a pension with the school district she is in. Moving she will no longer have that. She is looking at what could happen in the future.
definitely a part of it, sure. that's not to say she couldn't find another pensioned role. additionally, i have set her up with various retirement accounts that, WORST case scenario, would be able to "replace" a pension if need be.
If your wife has an advanced degree, unless she teaches a STEM subject, she might not find a position in another state. School districts hire inexperienced teachers over experienced because they are cheaper.
Do research on the educational market before deciding to move.
But if wife is opposed, and wants to stay in her job, then I do get that.
This might be something you consider when she qualifies for retirement. Often teachers are able to retire fairly early.
If your wife has an advanced degree, unless she teaches a STEM subject, she might not find a position in another state. School districts hire inexperienced teachers over experienced because they are cheaper.
Do research on the educational market before deciding to move.
But if wife is opposed, and wants to stay in her job, then I do get that.
This might be something you consider when she qualifies for retirement. Often teachers are able to retire fairly early.
that is an excellent point, no doubt. her family and her job are the main anchors for her - and rightfully so.
that said, i would never bring up a move somewhere where she couldn't find at least a satisfying replacement job.
in regards to your retirement comment, sure. we could hang here until we're both ~50 but that's a long ways away to really give any thought to.
I have lived all over the world and I love the chance to see and do new things. But the downside is you don't develop close friends or have a real sense of belonging or community. You are always coming or going and they are always stationary.
Facebook is a wonder and a curse but it has allowed me to get back in touch with many people I knew as a child. And most of them are still living within 100 miles of where they were born. They have large extended families and most of their social life revolves around family and kids. In a way I feel sorry for them that they never got out and did anything but they have the family I don't have.
There is always a price to pay. Personally I am glad I didn't settle down next door to mommy and daddy. I got to see the world and I know I can take care of myself. I was free to follow the money and the jobs as needed. The idea of relocating was never a big deal to me. I had no apron strings!
We moved 3000 miles away. My wife was into it as much as I was...but her family and friends were far less supportive than mine, and sometimes my wife would show signs of 'cracking.' IMHO, nuclear family first, or else why bother even getting married? Extended family and friends are wonderful for the most part but you don't, IMHO, put your life on hold to appease them.
I'd probably refrain from bringing it up too much if it's purely hypothetical right now. If you really start looking for other employment opportunities out of a need or strong desire then start discussing again.
i don't think either stance is wrong per say, but i do find it disappointing (obviously not a dealbreaker as we had this discussion prior to marriage) that she isn't on the same wavelength.
So she told you up front that she won't want to move, you accepted that and got married but now you are wondering how you can convince her to move anyway?
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