Out of wedlock grandchildren?

[dblackga]

Originally Posted by MoonBeam33

You can't do both.

When I was 18 my HS sweetheart and I had a child together. We lived together and after our daughter was born, we married - under extreme pressure from both of our Catholic families. The marriage lasted barely four years.

BUT when I was pregnant his mother wasted no time telling me how horrible she thought it was that I was pregnant, I should give the baby up for adoption, I had ruined her sons life, etc. And then she barely spoke to me until it was almost time to deliver. After my daughter - her first grandchild, I might add - was born, suddenly she wanted to be with her grandbaby all the time, come over, babysit, have us over for dinner and every holiday, etc.

Nope, sorry. She was horrible to me and made what was already a difficult time even worse. I could barely stand the woman and I certainly didn't want her around my kid all the time. My daughter is now 20 and I'm thankful I don't have to have any communication with my ex-MIL anymore if I don't want to.

So, choose your words and battles carefully.

I think it's an interesting take that kids think that parents should bend over backwards on their own moral compass and completely throw out their entire value system because their kids have chosen a different one, one that invariably leads to broken families and children who are subjected to unstable family lives. Those kinds of decisions feel like a slap in the face to parents who have worked hard on their marriages and kept and cared for their families.

She was horrible to you? Well, let's face it -- she was horrified. This was NOT what she had dreamed of for her child as she was raising him. She's not allowed to feel disappointment? Hurt? Worry? Confusion, wondering what she did "wrong" that he would made the kind of decisions that resulted in a baby out of wedlock at such a young age? Moms and dads are just supposed to take it in the gut when their kids make life-altering decisions that have consequences that stay with them forever?

The fact that she did eventually come around and wanted to be a part of the baby's life tells you that she was trying. And the fact that you and her son ended up divorcing did confirm her fears, didn't it? But because she wasn't immediately on board with the whole baby-out-of-wedlock/living together deal when you were 18, SHE is a horrible person. Sounds like she DID surrender, for the sake of her grandchild -- but you kept the battle up. And your daughter has grown up without her grandmother.