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Is it just me or are today's grandparents obsessed with sleepovers? Both sets of grandparents always talk about having the kids overnight. They both live nearby and see the kids plenty. I don't see then need for kids of any age to sleepover. Dropping them off for the day is fine because you can do things with them and have fun. Why the need to have them sleep there? All they do is sleep.
When I was young I never ONCE slept at either grandparents houses and I LOVED spending time with my grandparents and saw them all the time. It gets to the point where every time I ask them to babysit they try to turn it into a sleepover. They always let the kids stay up past their bedtime and spoil them to death. Then when they get home they are tired whinny messes. They act rude and entitled and cranky for 48 hrs afterwards.
It's not worth it to me and I see no benefit. So whats the deal with this? Isn't spending the day with grandkids enough?
Also to add: We are not asking them to babysit late at night. I'm talking any time of day is turned into pushing a sleepover on us.
Location: East of Seattle since 1992, 615' Elevation, Zone 8b - originally from SF Bay Area
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I think most parents would be envious of you. It's great for them to be able to return home any late hour they want, and have a night to themselves for a change. For the grandparents (like me) the most fun with the grandkids is when they first get up all cheerful and excited the next morning. Your real problem is the spoiling and the grandparents letting them stay up late, not the sleepovers. Grandparents should respect the routines the parents set up for the kids. Spoiling grandchildren is fun, but has to be within reason.
Is it just me or are today's grandparents obsessed with sleepovers? Both sets of grandparents always talk about having the kids overnight. They both live nearby and see the kids plenty. I don't see then need for kids of any age to sleepover. Dropping them off for the day is fine because you can do things with them and have fun. Why the need to have them sleep there? All they do is sleep.
When I was young I never ONCE slept at either grandparents houses and I LOVED spending time with my grandparents and saw them all the time. It gets to the point where every time I ask them to babysit they try to turn it into a sleepover. They always let the kids stay up past their bedtime and spoil them to death. Then when they get home they are tired whinny messes. They act rude and entitled and cranky for 48 hrs afterwards.
It's not worth it to me and I see no benefit. So whats the deal with this? Isn't spending the day with grandkids enough?
Also to add: We are not asking them to babysit late at night. I'm talking any time of day is turned into pushing a sleepover on us.
How about telling them that they have to keep the grandkids for the next 48 hours that they are cranky, rude, entitled, over-tired messes? I'm sort of joking, sort of serious. Maybe if the grandparents really saw what you see they won't ask as much or keep them up as late. Perhaps have them stay for an entire weekend (Friday night to Sunday night) and see if the grandparents still push for "sleep overs). You could have a relaxing "date weekend" with your spouse.
Or perhaps videotape a few clips of your children being over-tired and whiny and show the grandparents.
How old are your children? Maybe they are too young to be responsible enough to stay overnight and return home and be civil and polite to their parents. My kids were NOT perfect, but I can't ever recall them being rude or entitled to me or my husband. Cranky and overtired at times, yes. Rude or entitled, never.
Their grandparents lived out of town so they never had "sleep overs" until they were old enough to fly on an airplane by themselves and then they stayed for a few days or a week and flew back home by themselves.
BTW I was always envious of people who had parents who could babysit for a few hours and really, really envious of people who had parents who could babysit overnight. My husband and I spent ONE OVERNIGHT trip away from our children until our son was 14 and our daughter was 10 years old and they spent a few days with their grandparents out of state. Perhaps, in time, you will think of it as a blessing that the grandparents want to have their grandchildren for babysitting or overnight.
Last edited by germaine2626; 12-23-2013 at 01:15 PM..
I'm going to offer you my perspective as to why you should let the kids sleepover. Both sets of my grandparents lived within 20 minutes of us when I was a child. We saw them frequently. Still, we did not sleepover often so this was a treat. Decades after all of my grandparents have passed away I have wonderful memories of grandpa making us breakfast (buttery toast and oatmeal) or grandma making biscuits and gravy for breakfast. I have great memories of having fun with cousins that also spent the night.
Those memories are priceless. I don't think you should deny your children those kinds of memories. Perhaps explain the crankiness and ask for some help, but know that the kids are creating great memories with the grandparents.
Obviously they wouldn't just sleep. There would be dinner, maybe a movie, a bed time story, breakfast in the morning. The things that get repetitive and mundane to parents are a special treat to grand parents. I see no harm in letting them spend the night, especially if you don't have anything going on the following day. You should be thankful they are willing.
My parents were lucky enough to have 12 who lived within 15 minutes of each other and going to the grandparents' house was just fun.
My husband and I only utilized the sleepover when we were going out of town and had a late night out. It was really nice.
All the 12 knew their grandparents really well. My husband's parents never offered - we even asked a couple of times and I could tell they just weren't comfortable - they had been childless for so long.
My son, however, when he was 5, started crying when I told he got to go his grandparents for a few days. He kept saying "I don't want to belong to that stupid club!" Well, after much investigation and a bit of worry, I found out it was the Clean Plate Club. My son, at that time, was a very picky eater and I (also a very very picky eater) could relate. (All I can say is thank God for dogs! - yes, they had a dog).
I can remember being tortured by this same Clean Plate Club. Ugh, I dreaded some meals. So, I could relate to my son. I never forced food on them like my parents did on me. My kids today are totally amazing eaters - everything super healthy and I am not the best eater.
You don't see worth and benefit to you? That's pretty selfish. I also love how you use the grandparents for your own purposes. Why not pay someone to watch your children? Your parents are doing you a favor by watching your children. If you can't do them a favor and allow sleepovers sometimes, fork out some money for a daycare center and stop being a childcare freeloader.
My fondest memories spending summers at my grandparents' house in another city. Sleeping away from home with relatives helps promote independence from parents. That's a very healthy thing.
I do it the other way 'round - I'm the Grandma who sleeps over.
I go to their house where they have all their belongings and equipment. I pack my jammies and we have ice cream and read stories and they stay up a little bit later than their usual bedtime, as long as they don't have school the next day.
I have never been a proponent of sleep-overs of any kind, in any place. But that's just me.
My boys, 37 & 40, were never invited to spend the night or were babysat. I would have loved it for the kids sake. (parents lived on the next block)
My son & dil want me to have the two girls, even though we have some late nights and Granny's is for junk food. I've had them as long as 14 days and nights. I'll be bringing them home Christmas, and they go back to school on the 11th, so assume they'll be here for most of that time. I know their mom isn't crazy about letting them stay up late, but its really hard to get them to bed at a decent hour. They're so excited to be here. They've called the last two weeks asking to come over, but I told them I was gearing up for their vacation.
I hope OP, that you can see how much those visits will mean to your children. My boys don't get to carry those wonderful memories of their now passed Grandparents. Even though a grand has to be respectful of the parents rules, it should also be a treat. I know when I pass on, my grands will tell their kids how much fun they had at Granny's. Their other one is super strict, but takes them places. I'm a fun homebody who's taught them to watch scary movies. I did get in trouble for that, but now its excepted.
We grands cant be expected to change our whole way of living, but yes we should behave. If we did everything the same way as the parents, our homes wouldn't be special. My girls live in a strict home with extremely healthy diets, that goes out the window here as it should, imo. Bottom line, I raised my boys how I wish I were raised, and I'm treating my grandkids the way I wish my Grandparents had treated me. Grands are 10 & 14 btw. Nothing, but nothing, makes me feel as good as when they tell me I'm their favorite person. And I don't do it for kudos, I truly love and enjoy them. I sometimes worry my neighbors hear all the singing and laughter.
I guess what I'm saying, is a few sleepy days are well worth what your kids are receiving in the long run. I hope it works out for you and your parents. You're very, very lucky to have them.
You don't see worth and benefit to you? That's pretty selfish. I also love how you use the grandparents for your own purposes. Why not pay someone to watch your children? Your parents are doing you a favor by watching your children. If you can't do them a favor and allow sleepovers sometimes, fork out some money for a daycare center and stop being a childcare freeloader.
My fondest memories spending summers at my grandparents' house in another city. Sleeping away from home with relatives helps promote independence from parents. That's a very healthy thing.
The OP has not said how old her children are right now. IMHO there is a big difference between allowing young children, let's say 2 or 3 year olds or 4 and 5 year olds have "sleep overs" where they go to bed very late and are "spoiled" which results in poor behavior and problems for mom and dad for the next 48 hours and older children having sleep overs with grandparents. If the children return home from sleep overs as "tired whinny messes" and it takes them two days to return to their regular routine and stop being "rude and entitled and cranky" something isn't right with the situation.
Of course, sleeping away from home builds independence but we don't know how old the OPs children are or how late the grandparents are letting stay up, what they are doing with their grandchildren, or what they are feeding them, etc. Something is resulting in the children having huge problems after the sleep overs are done.
I am sure that you had a great time spending your summers with your grandparents but think about how old you were when you did it for the first time? What may have been wonderful for an 8 or 10 or 12 year old probably would have been a nightmare for a 2 or 3 year old child.
Last edited by germaine2626; 12-23-2013 at 07:45 PM..
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Grandparents taking care of children
I've had them as long as 14 days and nights. I'll be bringing them home Christmas, and they go back to school on the 11th, so assume they'll be here for most of that time. I know their mom isn't crazy about letting them stay up late, but its really hard to get them to bed at a decent hour. They're so excited to be here. They've called the last two weeks asking to come over, but I told them I was gearing up for their vacation. 
I did get in trouble for that, but now its excepted.
