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I believe white women are more accepting of black men then black women dating white men. Most mixed couples are black man / white woman.
The same cultural preferences affect the choices of white & black women. Why don't more black women accepting of and date white guys ?
A white guy wants to know.
Although attitudes about Black women dating non-Black men (White men, in particular) are changing, there is still a stigma in the Black community about it. It is viewed as "selling out". This attitude is dying rapidly - especially with the lack of available Black men.
Many Black girls are raised that it is a disgrace to willingly "submit" to the sexual advances of White men due to the fact that many Black girls/women were subjected to sexual relations against their will during slavery and many years following. Black girls/women during that era were not only sexually vulnerable to the Master; but they were vulnerable to the Master's son, the Master's brothers, the overseers and any other male visitors to the plantation.
Even into the early 20th century, there were still instances (particularly in the South) of White men forcing relations with Black girls/women (usually servants in the family home - ie Strom Thurmond) - the Black women had no recourse in these situations. White men could (and did) rape a young "colored" girl walking on her way to school and if the family protested, the father could be lynched.
The fact that many Black American families have such a wide range of skin colors/facial features/hair textures/etc is also the legacy of the past relations between master and slave.
Although occasionally the relationships were mutual and were affectionate connections (ie where the White men had de facto Black wives or mistresses as in the case with Thomas Jefferson and Sally Hemming), it rarely was the case typically.
It goes deeper than this but this is one of the main reasons that some Black women do not date or marry White (or non-Black) men.
those are bull**** reasons in todays world. nobody rapes a woman because she works for them and cannot do anything about it.
the reason more black women don't date white men, is because they are racist pigs, and i'm not talking about the white men only here. it's a double edged sword.
where's the debate with this anyways? it's personal opinion who you get involved with.
those are bull**** reasons in todays world. nobody rapes a woman because she works for them and cannot do anything about it.
the reason more black women don't date white men, is because they are racist pigs, and i'm not talking about the white men only here. it's a double edged sword.
where's the debate with this anyways? it's personal opinion who you get involved with.
I was directing my post to the specific question posted by Rakin: Why don't most Black women date White men?
In my post I stated that this is ONE of the main culturally based reasons.
I also stated that this way of thinking is changing.
As a Black woman, I know what the attitudes/opinions are of older Blacks regarding Black women/White men relationships. I know what I have personally experienced as a Black woman who has dated non-Black men.
I wasn't discounting your experience or knowledge. Simply stating that those reasons are absolute horsecrap anymore.
Just because the actions of the past are no longer happening (en masse), it does not mean that the people whose family experienced those things are just going to automatically be free of the memories of the not-so-distant past.
Maybe the reasons which I expressed are "horsecrap" to you but the instances of Black girls in the South being subjected to the unwanted sexual advances of White men without any legal recourse is very alive and well in my family's history. Many older Blacks, especially, feel very strongly about many of these matters.
Black culture is also more outgoing and louder than Asian culture. Asians are known for being polite, quiet and even submissive. Blacks are not. And culturally, Asians are more formal and with a stricter moral code about sex.
Depends on who these Asians find themselves around. When amongst themselves, the Vietnamese, for instance, tend to become quite vociferous.
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Originally Posted by miu
Asians are generally more petite in build than blacks. The Asians born and raised in the US are taller and heavier due to the American diet that is heavy on meats and dairy products. Blacks seem more proud of their physical prowess (and they do excel in professional sports) and their sexuality. You don't see many Asians in sports, definitely not in football. While I had one Asian friend that loved playing basketball, 30 years ago, he was the only Asian in the city's basketball league. And it broke his heart that he wasn't tall enough to pursue his sport further.
Anyway, I know that there are a good number of non-Asians that aren't physically attracted to Asians.... it's no big deal and it doesn't bother us. We aren't looking for that sort of validation from non-Asians. In terms of living in the US, our only desire is to have equal access to nice places to live, good jobs and a better quality of life than in the home country aka to live the "American Dream" but that doesn't include interracial love. If it happens, it happens, but being able to date and marry interracially is not very high on our list of wants.
Even talking with my Asian guy friends who are in their late 20's, while they may admire the usual hot looking actresses and female celebrities, and even date an occasional non-Asian woman, when they talk about future marriage and kids stuff, they only plan to marry an Asian woman of their own nationality, even if they haven't met her yet. I don't consider that being racist. They just have a strong sense of wanting to preserve their family traditions. But there is never any talk of Asians being superior or some other race being inferior. And if part of this desire is wanting sons that look exactly like them, what is wrong with that?
It's no secret that many Asian men, upon taking note of the glaring imbalance between the level of romantic interest given to them by non-Asian (white) women and that which is given to Asian women by white men, tend to lament the lack of reciprocation. Many Asian men have become disheartened at the way American society has consistently gone to great lengths to emasculate and dehumanize their image.
As a black man, my image likewise "suffers" from the same kind of stereotyping, which in my case would entail the other, but equally reprehensible extreme, hyper-masculinization (which you apparently don't mind perpetuating). As such, I can easily empathize with Asian men who feel the way they do.
Most Asians only want to marry Asians of their own nationality. And they want children that look just like them, not mixed ones. It's more about having pride in ones ethnicity.
And of the Asians that marry whites, well first of all, there are a lot more whites than blacks. Blacks are only 12% of the US populations. Then factor in that there aren't enough good husband material black men for the black women... plus that blacks aren't that physically attractive to most Asians.
Unfortunately,this statement probably has the most truth to it. Asian women, being less than 2% of the US population, are vastly overrepresented in relationships with white men. It goes much deeper than the numbers.
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Originally Posted by miu
And I am still amazed that we have these sorts of discussions on the boards. The black community has so many other more important issues to deal with such as getting better education for their kids, solving their higher than average unemployment numbers, and single parent families, so that being able to date interracially should not even be on the list of their gripes. Dating interracially is not a civil right in the sense that you can't guilt trip other races into wanting to date outside their race or physical preferences. You can't go around accusing others of being racist if they aren't interested in being physically intimate with you or any other black person. You can't mandate that every person be required to date at least one person outside their race in order to prove that they aren't racist.
Save the condescension. The black community isn't any more "preoccupied" with dating interracially than any other group. But when it becomes increasingly apparent that by virtue of a ubiquitous aversion to your race, your chances at finding love and companionship with anyone would be substantially limited, there is a natural tendency to question the reasons behind it.
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Originally Posted by miu
Anyway, if a black man wants to be considered good dating material by an Asian woman, he should be on a good career path so that he can be a good provider for a wife and kids. He shouldn't approach a non-black woman in a smooth talking ladies man fashion. No talk in the beginning about how sexy or fine she looks. He needs to act like a gentleman and to let her know that he dates very selectively. He'd better not have any other girlfriends or baby mommas in his life. He'd better be interested in having a serious monogamous relationship that leads to marriage if all goes well. He also needs to be able to be very polite and well mannered around her family and parents. It's important that her parents approve of him, but that's where his college education and good career path will help win them over. They didn't immigrate to this country and struggle working two menial jobs in order to raise their kids properly and then to let their daughters throw her live away on a bum of any skin colour.
This should be the case no matter what race the male suitor may be. It appears, however, that the exaggerated premium many Asian women place on whiteness often allows for a much broader range of tolerance in the socioeconomic status and behavioral qualities of white suitors. When I was in the service, for example, the white sailors tended to be the most forward and raunchy with the Asian women, as they were by and large considered easy targets. Easy to see why. To the women, their overt public displays of drunkenness and lewd behavior were tolerable, "charming" even. They often talked a good game, and the women consistently ate it up, never realizing how badly they would be disparaged back on the ship with the guys.
Unfortunately,this statement probably has the most truth to it. Asian women, being less than 2% of the US population, are vastly overrepresented in relationships with white men. It goes much deeper than the numbers.
Save the condescension. The black community isn't any more "preoccupied" with dating interracially than any other group. But when it becomes increasingly apparent that by virtue of a ubiquitous aversion to your race, your chances at finding love and companionship with anyone would be substantially limited, there is a natural tendency to question the reasons behind it.
This should be the case no matter what race the male suitor may be. It appears, however, that the exaggerated premium many Asian women place on whiteness often allows for a much broader range of tolerance in the socioeconomic status and behavioral qualities of white suitors. When I was in the service, for example, the white sailors tended to be the most forward and raunchy with the Asian women, as they were by and large considered easy targets. Easy to see why. To the women, their overt public displays of drunkenness and lewd behavior were tolerable, "charming" even. They often talked a good game, and the women consistently ate it up, never realizing how badly they would be disparaged back on the ship with the guys.
and i find asian women like this absolutely disgusting. they are so freaking dumb beyond belief. it must be mental retardation. i just want to punch them in their faces because they give the rest of asian women loose reps or even attract lurid attention because of what they do or are so others assume all asian women are like that. and uh, other nonwhite men can have the same type of attitudes or intentions toward asian women as well.
but as far as your assessment of aversion to races, that goes for people of all races who have aversions. even blacks have aversions to certain races depending on the individual. and asians both male and female have been the target of aversion too. it's just people's preferences.
Wait a minute, why are you just responding to him/her when i posted that other races also have thier own hypocritical criteria or perceptions of others? do you want to ignore that it's not just about the skin color but the aspect of power and influence. um, most black women will not date asian men or find them attractive, duh. are we to slam them for it?
This topic is about skewed and negative perceptions regarding the suitability of black people, specifically black men, as potential mates. And I personally think these perceptions aren't limited to Asians. Negrophobia appears to be a more or less universal social trait. yes, we know blacks can be bigoted as well. In fact, it should come as no surprise that black women are typically the least likely to consider interracial dating. Some of it is a willingness issue, as many black women unnecessarily constrain themselves due to some primordial duty to the "black race". But a lot of it is frankly how black women are viewed by the society at large, a society that still posits the ultimate ideal of beauty as having blonde hair and blue eyes.
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if blacks had the power and influence of whites, say hypothetically switched, the light color of whites would not have mattered. it is just something that is perceived as important but is not the real underlying motivation for these trends even if it's unconscious. and the only reason for lighter skin as being considered of upperclass is because upperclass usually were lighter due to less manual labor outdoors in the elements. those upperclass had more power and money etc. and people strive for that consciously or not.
it's just that whites have had more power and influence and so are perceived to have more money and success. and of course, just like anyone else, not all of them are intelligent, successful or good.
That's the very problem. Why can't people just be viewed as people? A revolutionary idea, I know. But really quite simple. No one wants character traits ascribed to them by virtue of something they couldn't help being born with. Finding love should be about seeking and achieving a particularly human kind of compatibility. That this process has been reduced to some socially expedient race-based power grab in some groups really is sickening.
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since you think it's just asians who are hypocritical about color or race, i don't see how an asian would want to date someone like you whether you were black or not. blacks can be bigots too.
i'll remember to rail against any whites, blacks, or hispanics both male and female who don't want to date asians because, well, they are too 'asian' in looks or whatever for them (sarcasm). i mean, really. that's one thing to defend onself from insults or skewed or erroneous stereotypes but another thing to criticize or judge others for not wanting to date whomever. that's crossing the line. even if you know it's bigoted, why would you want to "make" someone date someone that is not interested. it seems forced and ridiculous.
I'm not trying to "make" anyone do anything. Just pointing out obvious bigotry where I see it, in hopes that people will simply stop trying to make excuses for it. I certainly wouldn't want to date someone who'd be ignorant enough to disqualify me before really getting to know me anyway, especially when it is based on some asinine consideration about how much of a status increase or decrease my color would afford them.
It was started back in September, but some of the things that are posted her seem to relate to that topic.
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